Long Awkward Pause – A New Adventure In Blogging

In lieu of reblog Thursday, I have some exciting news.

I’m announcing the birth of a new, exciting, epic, original, ingenious, bold, spicy, operatic, collaborative masterpiece:

Long Awkward Pause!

What is Long Awkward Pause you may ask…and even if you didn’t ask, you may ask after you recover from your excitement over this announcement.

(I will wait until you pick yourself up off the floor, dust your pants off, and compose yourself thus-ly.)

Long Awkward Pause is a humor magazine collaboration between myself, Blurt, B.L.O.G., Monk Monkey, and Ramblings Of An Apathetic Adult Baby. We will take reader submitted topics  and write about them either once or twice a month depending on schedule, earth rotation, Chick-fil-a openings, births, deaths, oil changes, and other such hazards of the blog world.

I’m really excited to work with these guys, and I hope you’ll be just as excited to read our stuff. And if your not excited, at least tell your friends how not excited you are about this site, and how they should check it out for themselves.

You can view  the site, here. Don’t forget to follow, pretty please. Currently the site is just featuring reblogs of us, the actual first post will be on or around Aug. 2nd. It’s a topic submitted by Jo Ellen of Two On A Rant and it’s a tasty one. Feel free to fill out the form on the about page and suggest your own musings.

For everyone who follows, you will receive one free email notification!

Meanwhile Somewhere On The Internet Pt 26

ThisIsWhyImBroke.com is a online site highlighting some of the coolest and/or most unusual items that you could ever want to purchase on the internet. Think of it as Amazon.com for the adventurous. 

Seems a fair price

You know you have someone you want to send this too…it’s me?! Crap! (No pun intended.)

I could post cool stuff from this site all day, but I’ll stop here.

Incredibox.com allows you to create your own beatbox band with a simple drag and drop flash program. You can then share your song on Facebook and Twitter or download it.

Being a former music guy, I must have spent hours perfecting my song. If you follow me on Facebook, I posted it on my timeline.

The Useless Web showcases bizarre and do-nothing websites. Click on the big Please button and see such wonders as lookadeadfly.com and ismycomputeron.com. You can spend hours lost in a sea of incredibly bad and empty cyberspace.

You will turn into a zombie if you push the button too many times.

Dear Blank, Please Blank is a simple premise, Dear something, statement, Sincerely Someone. Sometimes they are funny, and sometimes they are inspiring, but as quick as reads as they are you will keep scrolling to see the next ode.

Wonder How To is not the typical “how do you do this?” web help site. It’s articles are created by members of the site and rated by them too. Topics include everything from Smart Phone tips, Computer Hacks, Minecraft, to Gun Cleaning.

Damn you iphone! That’s why you should Android people!

Origami Star Wars…never turns out like the picture. When you get frustrated, just crunch it up and say it’s the Death Star.

6 Dollar T-Shirts (dot) com

I’m a big fan of T-Shirts and the weirder the better…or with the word Irish on it.

Either one.

Should you find a weird T-Shirt with the word Irish on it, without a Leprechaun or the words Notre Dame, let me know…I want it.

I was looking for a Heisenberg T-Shirt, which if you don’t know who that is, shame on you! You are missing out on one of the greatest television programs in the history of television programs; Breaking Bad. It’s on Netflixs.

I came across this web site: http://www.6dollarshirts.com.

As in the title, all shirts are indeed $6, however they are kind of dicks on the shipping. I bought two shirts and the shipping was almost $7.

On an unrelated note, Christmas is coming if…you know…if you were looking for something to buy a certain T-Shirt wearing person who happens to be typing these words. (Don’t buy the Heisenberg T-Shirt, I already bought it.)

My new $6 shirt.

Some other good choices:

Jesus on a dinosaur. How could you go wrong?

A Narwhale playing a Keytar. Not sure why…don’t care. I need this!

The Oregon Trail was always a dick with the dysentery.

Pink Freud…too easy? I still want.

This is the perfect t-shirt for someone to ask you, wtf?

Poor Stormtrooper, lost his droid seeking friends…

Stay Puff Marshmallow Man and Godzilla together? Genius!

If you buy one for me, I will pose in the shirt for you. (Pants optional. XXL please. I’m not fat, just bad at laundry.)

What Other People Post On My Facebook Wall Pt 1 (NSFW)

Thought I would share a little of what other people post on my Facebook wall:

If you go to lazertits.com it really is a site featuring lazers and tits.

It’s true!

I don’t know who the guy is that commented…and I don’t know if he is calling me an old man or my friend that posted the picture an old man. But if I was a Jedi, he would be forced choked…or made to go streaking in the quad.

I never realized.

What are you trying to say?

It’s funny because it’s true.

I can sometimes focus on four things at once.

Pure awesome.

This graph is way off. More blue, a lot less green, maybe a tad more red…which if you think about it, that’s what adding more blue does…increases red. Mind blown.

May the 4th Be With You – A Tribute To Some Of My Favorite Characters From Star Wars

May the 4th is an unofficial holiday to celebrate all things Star Wars. Just in case you are unfamiliar, May the 4th be with you is a pun of May the force be with you…which of course is a famous line from the films.

Being a huge Star Wars fan as a kid, I thought I would pay tribute to some of my favorite characters:

Han Solo was the ultimate hero. Reckless and cool, Solo got the girl and saved the universe.

Chewbacca was Han Solo’s copilot and faithful friend. He also had a funny side, which appeared several times throughout the movies.

R2-D2 and C3PO act as the film’s catalysis as they weave the universe and the Star Wars saga together from Darth Vader creating C3PO as a boy, to their help in destroying the Death Star.

Darth Maul, a great character that died way too soon.

The Stormtroopers – at first seem just a mindless, expendable army, but later you learn they are clones of Boba Fett.

Boba Fett a bounty hunter on the hunt after Han Solo. This character is iconic even though his part is relatively small. Many fans want a Boba Fett movie.

The Star Wars universe was populated with many creatures and is limitless in imagination.

The baddest of the bad, scariest of the scary…evil personified, Darth Vader!

Princess Leia, shown here in slave outfit. Jabba the Hut had her in his evil clutches as the princess distracts everyone to save Luke and ultimately herself.

A Really Bad Ode To Mundane Things

This is a poem about mundane things

Like sticks, pebbles, and plastic rings

And car batteries, ants, and kite strings

Bread, door knobs, and sleeping kings

 

But who wants to read a poem about such boring stuff?

Padded with all sorts of dribble and fluff

When instead I can show you a picture of a robot unicorn fighting a giant octopus on a Millenium Falcon guitar in outer space:

 

 

 

The End?

Toddler Watches Star Wars In A Tree

Me: How was school today?

Toddler: We watched Star Wars in a tree at school.

Me: *blank stare*

Wife: Really? Star Wars in a tree?

Toddler: Yup. And then the teacher took us all to McDonald’s for lunch.

Wife: Really? How did everyone get there?

Toddler: In the Teacher’s car.

Wife: All 20 of you got in the Teacher’s car and went to McDonald’s?

Toddler: Yes, and we played on the playground and ate peanuts. I ate french fries and I played and it was so, so, so much fun.

Me: What did you really do at school today?

Toddler: I forget.

Me: I want to watch Star Wars in a tree.

Meanwhile Somewhere On The Internet Pt 8

Too bad their wasn't two of everyone to make a Double Accidental Subway Rainbow

 

He always relished the thought of owning a boat one day. Hopefully he can ketchup, given enough mustard.

 

You have my vote.

 

Just because your job blows up, not once, but twice, doesn't mean alcohol is the answer. Cocaine is the answer.

 

Randoms Pt 2

I think to breath new life into any old show or movie put it on ice:

Aliens On Ice

Sanford and Son On Ice

Schindler’s List On Ice

Welcome Back Kotter On Ice

You could do this forever.

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Great new band name if anyone wants it: Cupcakes For Coworkers (probably going to need a female lead singer to pull it off)

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If the Kool-Aid man was real, can you imagine how much his insurance premiums would be?

What happened to Twinkie the Kid, King Dong (snicker), and all the McDonald characters? Are they still around? Are kids too cool for them? Is Mayor McCheese collecting unemployment somewhere?

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Also what happened to action figures? You don’t see them much anymore. I had every Star Wars guy there was. I would save all my allowance just to buy the next new one…even if I didn’t know who the character was, or even find it in one of the movies. How many R2-D2 clones could they make and sell? There was also He-Man figures (a bit gay), GI Joe (with articulate arms!), wrestling figures (more for the budding gay male), and Star Trek (one chick, many guys). I guess kids don’t play with action figures anymore. Is Barbie even as popular as she used to be?

I still have slave Princess Lea action figure.

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What is a Pringle exactly? It’s not a traditional potato chip, it’s something like potato flakes fused together. How do they make them that shape? I imagine some giant Pringles shape machine. Why isn’t there a Pringle Duck Mouth competition? Everyone has put two Pringles together in their mouth to form a duck bill, why not have a competition. Categories would be: Longest Duck Mouth before sogging, Most quacks before Pringles falling from mouth, Most articulate when making Duck Mouth. Why is the Pringle’s can so poorly designed? I know it’s their iconic look, but I can’t get my hand in their when the chips are too low. I need to invent a Pringles retriever-tong thingy. I would be a hero.

A Pringles Hero.

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Why are the Angry Birds so angry? What did those Pigs do to them? I can’t wait for the movie or cartoon series to explain this…you know it’s coming.

And then…

Angry Birds On Ice

Meanwhile Somewhere On The Internet – Darth Vader Edition

Vader falls on hard times.

Vader As A Boy Being Told, "No more Chicken Nuggets for you!" Also Mom should have sprung for a PSP instead of the used Game Boy Color.

College Boy Vader getting into trouble again. I always thought he would be a boxer-brief kind of guy.

With today's gas prices, very smart Mr Vader. That thing gets like 70 miles to the gallon, 80 without all the armor.