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Facebook Friday Pt 9

20 Sep

Happy Friday to all of yous with regular jobs:





I thought I would share some posts from some of my friends as well:






Facebook Friday Pt 8 Candy Crush Edition

21 Jun

If you have not played Candy Crush, it’s a game much like Bejeweled where you match the pieces and clear the board. If you have not played Bejeweled, then skip this post all together.

Candy Crush is a little more addictive because there are different levels and boards to conquer unlike the endless dropping gems of Bejeweled. I wasn’t going to get suckered into playing, until I got suckered into playing.

And all was good…until Level 65 came along.

Level 65 is a dick. I must have played it like 50 times before unleashing my disdain on the Facebook community.


Hate to complain…but it makes me feel better. FYI: The dinos refers to Jurassic Park which is a game I play in between playing my favorite game at the moment, Simpson’s Tap Out.


Then my friend Kenny came along. Kenny recently broke his foot, so I’m sure he had lots of time to master this evil, evil, foul smelling game.


A lot of time apparently.


I call this taunt Kenny Crush.


If you have played this game, you will understand how much this hurts.


If you clear a lot of pieces the game says, “Sweet!” It would have been better if the Keanu Reeves of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure said it. I thought it was funny.


Candy Crush depression or Candy Cression.


Kenny actually texted me with some tips and strategies. Like; did you know if they stripes on the candies are horizontal, they will blow apart the horizontal row away and same with vertical.


With Kenny’s advice, and a few exercises where he made me grab a fly from his hand with chop sticks, I was getting closer.


Until…I did it! Which means nothing in this world, but I’m so happy yay!


Until I got stuck on Level 78....

Until I got stuck on Level 78….


Meanwhile Somewhere On The Internet Pt 26

18 Feb is a online site highlighting some of the coolest and/or most unusual items that you could ever want to purchase on the internet. Think of it as for the adventurous. 

Seems a fair price

Seems a fair price

You know you have someone you want to send this's me?! Crap! (No pun intended.)

You know you have someone you want to send this too…it’s me?! Crap! (No pun intended.)

I could post cool stuff from this site all day, but I'll stop here.

I could post cool stuff from this site all day, but I’ll stop here. allows you to create your own beatbox band with a simple drag and drop flash program. You can then share your song on Facebook and Twitter or download it.

Being a former music guy, I must have spent hours perfecting my song. If you follow me on Facebook, I posted it on my timeline.

Being a former music guy, I must have spent hours perfecting my song. If you follow me on Facebook, I posted it on my timeline.

The Useless Web showcases bizarre and do-nothing websites. Click on the big Please button and see such wonders as and You can spend hours lost in a sea of incredibly bad and empty cyberspace.

You will turn into a zombie if you push the button too many times.

You will turn into a zombie if you push the button too many times.

Dear Blank, Please Blank is a simple premise, Dear something, statement, Sincerely Someone. Sometimes they are funny, and sometimes they are inspiring, but as quick as reads as they are you will keep scrolling to see the next ode.



Wonder How To is not the typical “how do you do this?” web help site. It’s articles are created by members of the site and rated by them too. Topics include everything from Smart Phone tips, Computer Hacks, Minecraft, to Gun Cleaning.

Damn you iphone! That's why you should Android people!

Damn you iphone! That’s why you should Android people!

Origami Star Wars...never turns out like the picture. When you get frustrated, just crunch it up and say it's the Death Star.

Origami Star Wars…never turns out like the picture. When you get frustrated, just crunch it up and say it’s the Death Star.

FYI Part 2 Gizoogle.Net Version

28 Jan

My final blog as ran through

Just wanna say props ta all whoz ass have joined mah crazy ass on dis B-ta-tha-L-O-Gizzay over tha last two years.

I hustled a lot.

I hustled a shitload about grammar.

I will currently be movin to It is ghon be tha same stupid-ass basic nonsense, they just give mah crazy ass shiznit fo’ freestylin dis dribble down.


On tmrzoo I will probably publish on Monday-ish yo, but now I work fo’ some muthafucka else…so I don’t have control exactly when mah crap goes up. Would ludd ta have you quit by if you can…if not, I understand. Y’all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Maybe our crazy-ass asses will just do coffee one dizzle instead.

To all mah English Teachers over tha years…HaHa, muthafucka! I never cared dat you didn’t like my essay’s, term papers, creatizzle writings, and/or reports yo, but I can’t be thinkin like you, and tha freestylin clones you tried ta produce. I straight-up believe everyone has a voice n’ you should try to nurture that individual. I be thinkin tha hood of WordPress do dat straight-up well fo’ each other n’ picks up where most of y’all fail.

Go WordPress!

I just can’t maintain both blogs…not enough time, not enough dome power.

I will however step tha fuck up every last muthafuckin now n’ then wit a Aftermath story. I straight-up gots nuff props fo’that ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Y’all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Yo ass can check it up all up in tha link all up in tha top as well as Dizzy Stewart’s joint here. (Dude pimped tha ghetto, I just dabble.)

A zombie story or two may surface as well…although most of these is ghon be goin tha fuck into a thugged-out different, secret, endeavor…

I will still be followin n’ readin a shitload of y’all pimps as well. I have done cooked up some pimped out playaz n’ connections here. I have also hook up some gangstas whoz ass is not all they seem to portray on they cribs. In other lyrics…be careful wit whoz ass you associate wit on WordPress and tha Internizzle up in general. There be a shitload of clownin around goin on up there.

Workin on a cold-ass lil couple thangs wit Dizzy Harding as well. If you like gaming, I’ll keep you informed. Y’all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! If you  like collectible card game n’ wanna ta play test, email me: I could straight-up bust tha feedback…and whoz ass knows, maybe some lil’ small-ass token of reward fo’ yo ass maybe involved.

Maybe not. Don’t git yo’ hopes up too high.

I have ta warn you though, it’s done cooked up by Hardin n’ mah dirty ass…so don’t except anythang too normal.

Guess what, muthafucka! So nuff gangstas ta give props ta here on WordPress fo’ they support n’ kind comments…I don’t wanna forget every last muthafuckin muthafucka so I won’t cook up a list, however I be truly grateful n’ inspired by a shitload of y’all up there. There is so much talent on dis crib. I be up in awe of your creativity and dedication ta yo’ craft. I only wish I was half as phat as you guys.

Keep writing. I’ll keep reading.




6 Dollar T-Shirts (dot) com

21 Dec

I’m a big fan of T-Shirts and the weirder the better…or with the word Irish on it.

Either one.

Should you find a weird T-Shirt with the word Irish on it, without a Leprechaun or the words Notre Dame, let me know…I want it.

I was looking for a Heisenberg T-Shirt, which if you don’t know who that is, shame on you! You are missing out on one of the greatest television programs in the history of television programs; Breaking Bad. It’s on Netflixs.

I came across this web site:

As in the title, all shirts are indeed $6, however they are kind of dicks on the shipping. I bought two shirts and the shipping was almost $7.

On an unrelated note, Christmas is coming if…you know…if you were looking for something to buy a certain T-Shirt wearing person who happens to be typing these words. (Don’t buy the Heisenberg T-Shirt, I already bought it.)

My new $6 shirt.

My new $6 shirt.

Some other good choices:

Jesus on a dinosaur. How could you go wrong?

Jesus on a dinosaur. How could you go wrong?

A Narwhale playing a Keytar. Not sure why...don't care. I need this!

A Narwhale playing a Keytar. Not sure why…don’t care. I need this!

The Oregon Trail was always a dick.

The Oregon Trail was always a dick with the dysentery.

Pink Freud...too easy? i still need this.

Pink Freud…too easy? I still want.

This is the perfect t-shirt for someone to ask you, wtf?

This is the perfect t-shirt for someone to ask you, wtf?

Poor Stormtrooper, lost his droid seeking friends...

Poor Stormtrooper, lost his droid seeking friends…

Stay Puff Marshmallow Man and Godzilla together? Genius!

Stay Puff Marshmallow Man and Godzilla together? Genius!

If you buy one for me, I will pose in the shirt for you. (Pants optional. XXL please. I’m not fat, just bad at laundry.)

Reblog Thursday Pt 22

20 Dec

It’s the last reblog Thursday ever…mostly because the end of the world is tomorrow…otherwise I would keep doing them. Maybe I’ll keep doing them anyway, even if there is no such thing as computers anymore. I’ll just chisel them out on a cave wall until one day I get really tired and bored of doing them…kind of like the Mayan’s did with their calendar.

“Hey, Mayan Bob…do you want a beer?”

“Sure Mayan Tim. I’m working on this calendar, but I guess if I don’t finish it won’t be the end of the world.”

Oh well…

Enjoy this little Christmas exchange where Santa takes no crap. This is brought to you by:  Jill of All Trades, Expert of None.

Jill of All Trades...Expert of None!

I received this in an email today (so I can’t take credit for any of this) and COULD. NOT. STOP. LAUGHING.  It may be because I deal with contracts every single day of my existence, but either way, the humor and possible reality of this email is hilarious.  In fact, it’s so funny it’s almost sad.  There’s a hint of today’s youth involved, so if this is where we are headed…well, I’ll let you read it and decide.


Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas,

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The First Fifteen Minutes Of: The Horde (2009)

12 Dec

Why only review the first fifteen minutes? Because that is going to tell you whether or not or you would be interested in the rest of the movie.

The synapses: An end of the world battle between gangsters, cops and zombies in a high rise.
Directors: Yannick Dahan, Benjamin Rocher
Starring:  Claude Perron, Jean-Pierre Martins and Eriq Ebouaney
Total Running Time: 1:37

The film is originally in French, but the version I saw was dubbed over in English. Don’t worry, no reading required.

Zero Minutes In:

We open the movie to a view of a dead body, with an Angry Dude with a cross tattoo on his arm staring over a body.


Who is the dead man? Who is the Angry Dude?

We don’t know, because we cut to a funeral scene. The Angry Dude is there along with some French Chick. Which makes sense because the film is French, remember? We pan around the funeral attendees who mill between each other, always looking like they are going to say something to one another, yet they never do.

Then everyone kisses this Barbra Streisand looking lady. A scruffy bearded guy talks to her. We find out that the Dead Man is this woman’s husband. She tells Scruffy to “bring them all back to her.” Scruffy promises.

Next scene is at night. The Angry Dude, The French Chick, Scruffy, and Another Funeral Goer are shown trunk view from a car.

5 Minutes In:


They don some black ski masks, grab some guns, and head towards a skyrise apartment building.

Breathing heavy we get near the building to listen to some Guys With Dogs tell each other to “Fuck off!” That prompts what I assume is Angry Dude to tell the masked people to head to the back of the building. Which they do to some very fine dramatic music.

Crap! Some man is standing at the back of the building too! One of the masked men pulls out a knife. Another one tells him, “We are not here for a blood bath.” And promptly goes to the Dude That Was Just Standing There and beats him up.

Angry Dude rips off his mask. He is really angry now. Quickly pulling out his knife he kills the Dude That Was Just Standing There. Scruffy takes off his mask. Angry Dude tells him that, “Yes, we are here for a blood bath.”

They pull down their masks and enter the building.

Once inside the building, we enter a stairwell and do that whole: point-guns-in-different-directions-in-case-anyone-is-coming thing.

Some mustached man with a shotgun busts in on them from behind. Gun trigger sounds emit. Angry Dude pulls out a rather large wallet with a silver coin in the middle of it and holds it up.


We are guessing that is the French version of a police badge. The man with the shotgun tells the cops that he is the Superintendent of the building. They have a quick conversation about the whereabouts of the men they are looking for, the lookouts around the place, and also the fact that building is condemned. Up the stairs the cops (or coin collectors) go. The Superintendent mutters something about how this is his building and heads off in the opposite direction.

As we climb flight after flight of stairs we run across some mean looking chick smoking a cigarette.


We have a twenty second stare-off and move on. The Smoking lady looks like that the entire twenty seconds.

Continuing up the stairs we finally reach the top. A quick recap of the game plan from the Angry Man about who is blowing what up and who is shooting who, and of course the standard: “No one moves until I say so!”

10 Minutes In:

More gun pointing in various directions, this time down an empty hallway. We also do that finger in the air thing, where you point up to the sky to signal it’s clear and then wave the next person to run through to the target. A staple of all rush and seize scenes.

Next we do some of that silly putty/chewed bubble gum explosive thing, where we play with it and stick it on the door. Then you stick a exposed copper speaker wire into it.

However, before we can finish setting up the blow-the-door-open charges, the Superintendent bursts onto the scene to offer his shotgun to the Coin Collectors to help aid them against whoever is behind the door. Some loud whispering ensues, and the Angry Man steps in front of the door just as a bullet comes flying through it. What bad timing on his part.


Some more shooting through the door happens, then some explosions, until some guy emerges holding a gun.


The Superintendent shouts something unintelligible at the Guy With The Big Gun and is immediately shot by him like a hundred and forty times. So much for offering that great gun. He didn’t even get one shot off!

Another guy emerges and we start unmasking the Coin Collectors. (cops really, not trying to confuse you.) As the Second Guy discovers these masked men are Coin Collectors, a Third Guy emerges from the door, looking just as mean and grumpy as the first two.

How many mean and grumpy guys are behind this door anyway?
Four apparently.

As Third Guy is telling the other two to drag the bodies into the apartment, he tells Fourth Guy to go warn the Guys With Dogs downstairs that they have been breached. Fourth Guy blinks a lot and runs off. A Fifth Guy appears to help as Third Guy stares at the wounded Angry Dude. Third Guy rips off Angry Dude’s mask, and drags him into the apartment. He shuts the mostly blown apart apartment door.

We then cut back to the Guys With Dogs, but we just look at them for a brief second before returning to the interior of the apartment. All the Coin Collectors are against the wall. The Angry Dude is clearly dying and breathing like he has asthma.

But wait…another quick shot of Guys With Dogs and then back to the interior of the apartment.

We now see some Guy Tied On The Toilet. French Chick looks at him like she knows him. Third Guy holds a gun to Scruffys head and says, “Are you here looking for your (something unintelligible) and shoots Guy Tied On The Toilet.

15 Minutes

In review: So far not a single zombie. We have some good (or bad) cops seeking revenge against some bad guys in a condemned apartment building. They get caught.

Cast Of Characters So Far:
The Coin Collectors – Angry Dude, French Chick,Scruffy, and Another Funeral Goer plus Barbra Streisand looking lady.
The Bad Guys – Guy With Big Gun, Guys Two through Seven, Guys With Dogs.
Miscellaneous – Mean Smoking Lady, Dead Guy At The Beginning, The Superintendent

My Prediction For The Rest Of The Movie: The surviving cops and the bad guys will find a way to work together when the zombies do start appearing. Since this is in France the zombies will be fast, because European zombies are always fast. That’s how you tell they are European. At the end of the movie the French Chick, The Head Gangster, and Scruffy will survive or possibly just Scruffy.

Would I Continue Watching: Yes. It has potential, plus even though there has been no zombies yet, I see them coming in the very near future.

To Market, To Market To Buy A…

21 Nov

Who’s in charge of those little extra hangy items that get purchased at the grocery store? You know the ones that hang off that Home Depot looking metal bar with the holes. I picture some guy going through a purchase catalog of random crap that companies decided to make with the concept of, “It seemed like a good thing at the time.”

I recently ran to the local…uh…don’t want to get in trouble here…so let’s say I ran to the local Small-Mart Neighborhood Market to pick up dinner when I got side tracked by these enticing buys:

It’s November, you’re growing your mustache, checking out the frozen turkeys amongst the 90% off Halloween decorations and the 100% markup Christmas decorations when you happen upon a display of American Flags. You never know when you are going to need to display your patriotism in miniature form, so thank you Small-Mart for making that available at any time of year…and for such a good price.

In this thing you put your wiener. Then you lift it’s body up by the tail and push it back down on your hot dog. It  slices it into bite size pieces for you. The dog dish in front of the slicer can be used to house ketchup for dipping. I guess it’s for little kids that don’t like buns, and like to be made fun of for their Rain Man/ADD ways.

If you are a man, and posing for a magazine…You are not allowed to smile. Ever. Side Note: Only in Florida can you find a magazine dedicated to Chickens. (It’s to the left of Joe Perry playing the guitar. At least the chicken was smiling.)

I know, I know. Black skin is sensitive to shaving…I get it. But “Bump Fighter”? Come on marketing! How about the Smoothinator or Black Ice! (I do feel lucky I can use any old razor without a problem.)

This Small-Mart has an all things ball section, which you can purchase both cotton and ping pong.

Jesus loves Jesus candles. Lots and lots of Jesus candles. (And it looks like someone snuck some KY Gel in the middle of them. Irony. It wasn’t me. I noticed that after I took the picture.)

This is some sort of Spanish Cod Oil vitamin. And in case you were wondering what cod is, there is a friendly Spanish boy to show you what died to make you feel healthier. It’s nice that it comes in Strawberry- Banana flavor and not Cod flavor. Hola!

This little innovation is an ice cream scoop where after you scoop, you can shake sprinkles (or jimmies depend on what side of the universe you are on) from the handle onto your frozen dessert treat. Now all they need is a chocolate syrup attachment.

Once again…marketing. I don’t need to see my colon to know that it is backed up. Really, really gross. That’s like putting a picture of a diseased liver on a vodka bottle. And what’s that on top of the sphincter? A horn? I like the variety of colors the pills come in though.

If you get bored today, come check out an article I wrote for HERE.

Some Fun Halloween Zombie Stuff You Need – Halloween 2012

31 Oct

Some Fun Halloween Zombie Stuff You Need

Zombie Bedding

Zombie Cookie Cutter

Zombie Cocktail

Zombie Spatula Hat (Because zombies love spatulas????)

Zombie Popcorn Bucket

Zombie Attack Stroller

Zombie Bottle Opener

Zombie Teapot (British zombies drink tea.)

Zombie Lawn Gnomes

Zombie Shoes

Zombie Doorstop

Zombie Self Promotion (Which you can buy on Zazzle)

Protected: Some Birthday Wishes From The Internet

23 Oct

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