Tag Archives: pictures

Happy Halloween 2013

31 Oct
halloweenfb

For those unfamiliar, this is a pumpkin with Walter White’s face carved into it. Walter White is from the TV show Breaking Bad, the greatest TV show ever mind you.

halloweenfb2

No matter what I did to that graphic above it either came out blurry, or came out too small to read. Thanks for nothing WordPress.

What it says is:

Me:

I can’t even cut a good triangle eye socket.

Amy:

I like to use the patterns so ppl think I’m artistic. Tricks on them ! (Emoticon with tongue sticking out)

Me:

I tried to use patterns, but they get all bunched up on the pumpkin…then my pattern of a werewolf looks like a messed up triangle eye socket.

Happy Halloween

or

Happy The Pattern Looks Easier In The Book Then It Is To Perform On The Pumpkin

or

Happy I Hope I Don’t Run Out Of Candy Before Those Damn Teenagers Who Decided At 10 O’clock At Night To Go Trick Or Treating With Their Pillow Case And Besides Aren’t They Too Old To Go Trick Or Treating Anyway?

or

Happy Turn Off All Your Lights And Make No Noise Because Your Too Cheap Or Lazy To Buy/Give Out Candy

or

Happy Go Downtown And Stare At All The Ladies’ Butts That Are Hanging Out Of The Bottom Of Their Bumble Bee Costumes

or

Happy Go Through Your Kids’ Candy And Stick The Bit O’ Honey Back Into The Candy Bowl To Give To Other Trick Or Treaters

Grandma De Voss Finds A Trunk Full Of Old Books

28 Oct

Grandma De Voss found a trunk full of books and sent some to me that she thought I would enjoy. I told her I didn’t have much time to read anymore, but she insisted. These books look old, but some look as if they might have some potential.

 

metrosexual

butt

copsafeel

neighbor

pooped

sanders

stopblabbing

down

 

It’s The Simpson’s

8 Aug

I live in the land of theme parks, and that land is named: Orlando.

One of the new big things that has come this summer is The Transformers ride to Universal Studios.

transformers

Bumblebee impersonating Tony Hawk.

It’s a pretty good ride. I even liked it when it was called Spiderman.

amazing_spiderman

Spider-Man impersonating Tony Hawk trying to hold in a poo.

I know not everyone has made it down to Universal Studios Florida, so the joke there is that they are basically the same ride with different themes.

I’m actually more excited about something different that has come to Universal Studios and that is: Springfield!

They have had a Simpson’s ride for a couple of years and it is really good (and different from Spiderman/Transformers), and also the Kwik-E-Mart. When the ride first came, they turned a couple of the local 7/11s here into Kwik-E-Marts where they sold Buzz Cola, Krusty O’s, Pink Doughnuts, and Squishees.

squishees

To that ride, Universal has added Moe’s Tavern, Krusty Burger, The Frying Dutchman, Luigi’s, Duff Brewery, Lard Lad, and Android’s Dungeon. As well as a couple show themed places, which I don’t think where in the show itself, Cleatus’ Chicken Shack and Bumblebee Man’s Tacos.

You can correct me if I’m wrong.

I’m kind of weird about the show anyway. I’m actually not that big of fan. However, I think Homer Simpson is one of the best characters ever created. I’m a huge Homer fan. I even have a life size cardboard cutout of Homer that watches over the kids in our game room.

My my my my Homa

My my my my Homa…Kids you need to stop playing video games and go outside…but not too far outside…

For those who are not visiting me anytime soon, let me take you on a brief tour of the come-to-life Springfield.

Android's Dungeon is actually not a comic book store but a bathroom. Kind of disappointing, however Comic Book Man did take a piss next to me when I used the facilities.

Android’s Dungeon is actually not a comic book store but a bathroom. Kind of disappointing, but Comic Book Man did take a piss next to me when I used the facilities.

This is Moe's and yes it is a real bar.

This is Moe’s and yes it is a real bar.

While we were waiting for Moe's to open at 10:30 am...yes, you read that right...everyone would come to the door and take this picture. So the wife had too as well.

While we were waiting for Moe’s to open at 10:30 am…yes, you read that right…everyone would come to the door and take this picture. So the wife had too as well. I don’t think the tourists knew this was an actual real bar.

Sitting at the bar. The Flaming Moe is actually nonalcoholic. You can also get Duff, Duff Light, and Buzz Cola.

Sitting at the bar. The Flaming Moe is actually nonalcoholic. They put dry ice in the bottom of the drink to make it smoke. It tastes like orange soda. You can also get Duff, Duff Light, and Buzz Cola here.

The Flaming Moe up close.

The Flaming Moe up close.

Some view of the inside of the bar.

Some more view of the inside of the bar. The guy in the picture works at the Frying Dutchman.

What could almost top Moe's? Krusty Burger of course!

What could almost top Moe’s? Krusty Burger of course!

I don't know what the special sauce is, but when they offer it, don't turn it down. Delish!

I don’t know what the special sauce is, but when they offer it, don’t turn it down. Get extra. On the side. It’s messy. Delish! Look closely at the paper lining the basket. This is the real deal.

Duff Brewery is going to be an outdoor bar. In addition to the other fine Duff products, it was also offer Duff Dark. It wasn't open the day I was there, but it is now.

Duff Brewery is going to be an outdoor bar. In addition to the other fine Duff products, it will also offer Duff Dark. It wasn’t open the day I was there, but it is now.

I don't know if Lard Lad will be selling donuts, but you can find pink donuts the size of your head at Kwik-E-Mart.

I don’t know if Lard Lad will be selling donuts, but you can find pink donuts the size of your head at Kwik-E-Mart.

“Everyday Quotes” turn the mundane into art

13 Jun

It’s Thursday, time to shake out a reblog that’s been caught between the sheets. For this week’s reblog, I actually had this idea about a year ago, but I forgot I had this idea until I saw it in print on Era Magazine to which I immediately said, “Hey, that’s funny! Wait! I thought of that almost a year ago….crap!” So enjoy Era Magazine’s version of my idea, which to be fair, I never wrote down or told anyone.

Era Magazine

The trend of combining inspirational quotes floating over pretty vintage pictures is currently dominating Tumblr and Pinterest. Seems like there’s some magical quote to make you feel better about anything from being single to just being reckless and stupid. Artist Felicity Fenton puts her own spin on that trend by turning mundane phrases we’ve all uttered and spun them into art.

See the rest on her site!

View original post

Reblog Thursday Pt 21

13 Dec

Reblogging on Thursdays brings me inner peace and resolution. Enjoy a little head…a little head of David Dixon that is. Hint to really enjoying this site, remember it’s all in the eyes. The cartoon eyes.

Oh, this site is nothing but pictures so you have to click on the link above to enjoy…so no preview!

Let’s Go Shopping Or Finally My Unicorn Fantasies Can Be Fulfilled

3 Oct

This is a busy time of year…lot’s of birthday’s coming up, Christmas is around the corner, Breast Cancer Awareness Month is in October,  International Orphan Disease Month is in November…so many things to buy for loved ones and orphans.

Here are some of my findings while browsing the Internet:

(you may have to click on the picture to make it bigger…stupid WordPress)

Hey, Glen. I have a credit card only. Oh, and do you deliver?

—–

Hard to shop for road crew person worker in your family? Maybe always losing a child in the mall? Just like the high belt/suspenders look?

—–

I know someone who could use a vaguely disturbing unicorn mask.

And of course, you need the squirrel head mask as well…kind of resembles my neighbor a little. Besides you can’t have a unicorn without a squirrel right? They go hand in hand like cars and washing machines.

Let’s check the reviews:

Cool. I have so many unicornical fantasies myself. I bet I know who’s wish list this is on!

—–

This would be better if it made my money smell like bacon whenever I took it out of the wallet.

—–

If your measuring that many poppy seeds, be sure there is not a drug test in your future!

And if anyone happens to be shopping for me…

Dinner With The Sad Family

15 Aug

A sequel of sorts to: Dinner With The Angry Family

I can’t believe you made pea casserole…that was Grandpa’s favorite…now he is not here to enjoy it with us anymore….

I miss Grandpa soooooo much. It’s hard to believe he just up and left us one day….

Grandpa! Me miss!

Please give me some boob, I’m starving. I don’t know what a Grandpa is.

Oh, Walter. I miss you so much. Why did you have to disappear? The nights are so lonely without you! I can’t bear to eat this pea casserole. So many, many,many….many, many….many, many, many, many, many….many,many, memories. I can’t remember any of them at the moment, but I know they are there.

Did anyone notice that the baby barfed breast milk into my food bowl? Can someone fix that. Please? So hungry. The baby’s arm is starting to look like a Turkey Leg to me.

You stupid ninnies! I’m here on the back porch! You locked me out of the house! I’m not lost at all! I have only been gone an hour! Hey Dummies! Just unlock the door! Hello? Hello? By the way….I hate Pea Casserole! Tastes like barfed breast milk!

Epilogue:

HEY SAD FAMILY! KEEP IT DOWN OVER THERE! I’M TRYING TO EAT DINNER!

What Other People Post On My Facebook Wall Pt 1 (NSFW)

27 Jun

Thought I would share a little of what other people post on my Facebook wall:

If you go to lazertits.com it really is a site featuring lazers and tits.

It’s true!

I don’t know who the guy is that commented…and I don’t know if he is calling me an old man or my friend that posted the picture an old man. But if I was a Jedi, he would be forced choked…or made to go streaking in the quad.

I never realized.

What are you trying to say?

It’s funny because it’s true.

I can sometimes focus on four things at once.

Pure awesome.

This graph is way off. More blue, a lot less green, maybe a tad more red…which if you think about it, that’s what adding more blue does…increases red. Mind blown.

May the 4th Be With You – A Tribute To Some Of My Favorite Characters From Star Wars

4 May

May the 4th is an unofficial holiday to celebrate all things Star Wars. Just in case you are unfamiliar, May the 4th be with you is a pun of May the force be with you…which of course is a famous line from the films.

Being a huge Star Wars fan as a kid, I thought I would pay tribute to some of my favorite characters:

Han Solo was the ultimate hero. Reckless and cool, Solo got the girl and saved the universe.

Chewbacca was Han Solo’s copilot and faithful friend. He also had a funny side, which appeared several times throughout the movies.

R2-D2 and C3PO act as the film’s catalysis as they weave the universe and the Star Wars saga together from Darth Vader creating C3PO as a boy, to their help in destroying the Death Star.

Darth Maul, a great character that died way too soon.

The Stormtroopers – at first seem just a mindless, expendable army, but later you learn they are clones of Boba Fett.

Boba Fett a bounty hunter on the hunt after Han Solo. This character is iconic even though his part is relatively small. Many fans want a Boba Fett movie.

The Star Wars universe was populated with many creatures and is limitless in imagination.

The baddest of the bad, scariest of the scary…evil personified, Darth Vader!

Princess Leia, shown here in slave outfit. Jabba the Hut had her in his evil clutches as the princess distracts everyone to save Luke and ultimately herself.

Dinner With The Angry Family

16 Apr

YOU BURNT THE ROAST AGAIN! THIS IS THE SIMPLEST DISH IN THE WORLD TO MAKE…THROW IT IN THE CROCK POT, PRESS A BUTTON, AND YOUR DONE! HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO BURN IT EVERY TIME?!

IF YOUR SUCH A MASTER CHEF, MR. BALD-GORDON-RAMSEY, THEN YOU COOK DINNER!

I WOULD STILL HAVE MY HAIR IF I WASN’T MARRIED TO YOU!

CAN’T WE, FOR ONCE, HAVE A PLEASANT MEAL WITHOUT ALL THE FIGHTING?!

I JUST WANT TO EAT MY PEAS IN PEACE!

CAN SOMEONE FEED THE BABY, PLEASE?!

WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE SO SELFISH?! MY GIRLFRIEND JUST DUMPED ME AND YOU PEOPLE CARE ABOUT IS SOME CHEAP BURNT MEAT?!

DID YOU SAY YOUR GIRLFRIEND DUMPED YOU?! ARE YOU SAYING YOU’RE A LESBIAN?!

DON’T YOU DARE SAY THAT MEAT IS CHEAP! 

ARE YOU LISTENING?! OUR DAUGHTER IS A LESBIAN!

WHY DON’T YOU REALIZE HOW HOT THAT IS DAD?!

WHY CAN’T YOU PEOPLE EXCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM?!

CAN SOMEONE FEED THE BABY, PLEASE?!

WOOF!

MEOW!

If one of you don’t mind…can somebody change my litter please? It’s been like four months…

I’M GOING TO EAT THE HAMSTER IF SOMEONE DOESN’T FEED ME SOON!

*gulp*

And scene.