The Picnic Lovers Association Tennessee Edition

2 Nov

Hi There! This is Tom from The Picnic Lovers Association Tennessee Edition or P.L.A.T.E. for short.

We would just like you folks to know that P.L.A.T.E. is making picnicking cool again! Over the years the number of picnicking families has drastically dropped. This maybe due to the popularity of video games, bad iPhone navigation applications, the economy, the rise in bear attacks…who knows for sure?

We don’t.

Random Fun Fact: Did you know bears love Mentos?

P.L.A.T.E. is starting a new campaign to get you and your family outdoors again. Let’s go picnicking!

For starters, do you remember the David Lee Roth song, “Just like Paradise?”

The lyrics went, “This must be just like living in paradise, and I don’t want to go home.”

With our new campaign we will be using this song but changing the words to: “This must be just like picnicking in paradise Please pass the potato salad.”

Also, we have printed a whole new slew of fun, friendly, and free literature. Pick up such informative brochures as:

  • Picnic In The Arctic
  • Don’t Be Bullied By Bears!
  • One Hundred And One Ways To Picnic Safely While Surrounded By Bears
  • Can I Drink The Lukewarm Milk?
  • Picnicking…It’s Like Playing An HD 3D Video Game
  • Bears Love Picnicking Families And Bears Love You
  • You Want Me To Pee Where?
  • What To Do When A Bear Rips Your Arm Off
  • David Lee Roth’s Guide To A Safe And Fun Picnic Experience
  • David Lee Roth’s Guide To Petting A Bear Plus Bonus How To Jump Kick DVD

Random Fun Fact: If a bear tears your arm off, you have 12 minutes to get to the hospital in order to get it reattached successfully.

And we also have some beautifully printed on 35% recycled paper,  brochures on Barbecuing:

  • David Lee Roth’s Guide To Dancing With A Microphone And Barbecuing
  • How Long Can The Chicken Leg Sit On The Ground And I Still Eat It?
  • How To Make Your Bratty Kids Eat Stuff With Grill Marks On It
  • How To Make Barbecue Sauces Bears Hate
  • Beat Your Meat – How To Flatten Meat For Barbecuing
  • Dear God, Do They Barbecue In China?
  • How To Get Barbecue Stains Out Of A Pissed Off Bear’s Fur

We also have some great suggestions for family activities:

  • Frisbee Golf
  • Frisbee Bowling
  • Frisbee Badminton
  • Throw A Football Around
  • Fish The Football Out Of The Lake Because Uncle Tom Sucks At Throwing A Football
  • Exploring The Woods
  • Running Through The Woods
  • Running Through The Woods Because A Bear Is Chasing You
  • Bear Hunting
  • Bird Watching
  • Here, Eat This Weird Wild Berry And See If It Kills You Roulette
  • Identify Wild Animal Droppings
  • Butterfly Collecting
  • Jump In A Pile Of Poison Ivy
  • Chase The Squirrel
  • Why Does Uncle Ed Want Us To Call Him The Squirrel?

So come on America! Join P.L.A.T.E and celebrate with your family the joys of picnicking in the great outdoors!

Random Fun Fact: Did you know Dentists hate bears?

I’m Ted and I’ll be there, picnicking!

Hope to see you and your family there as well!

(I’ll be the one in the too tight shorts, so you can kind of make out my package, but not quite.)

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69 Responses to “The Picnic Lovers Association Tennessee Edition”

  1. Christopher De Voss November 2, 2012 at 3:58 PM #

    No, no, yes, you’re getting one.

  2. Maddie Cochere November 2, 2012 at 4:34 PM #

    It sounds tempting, especially chasing squirrels, but I’m afraid of axe murderers and maybe zombies (see, I’m learning!) in the woods.

  3. jayne ayres November 2, 2012 at 6:24 PM #

    I’m sure I can find you a family to take. kids and husband for a day. I know a friend.

  4. The Bumble Files November 3, 2012 at 2:11 AM #

    My favorite are all the wonderful activities you came out with. I better make sure I bring a frisbee.

  5. David Stewart November 3, 2012 at 4:51 AM #

    I’d like to try frisbee bowling. So is the frisbee the ball or do you try to knock down a bunch of frisbees?

    • Christopher De Voss November 3, 2012 at 7:57 AM #

      I think…and I could be wrong…you take a frisbee and you knock down a bunch of frisbees, then you high five your buddy and drink a beer.

  6. GiggsMcGill Jill November 3, 2012 at 3:40 PM #

    Love the song – especially with the new lyrics.

    And now I want to go picnicking! I do love hangin’ out with bears and getting bbq sauce out of their coats!
    Or I’m just kinda hungry…

  7. Wolfnoid November 3, 2012 at 5:40 PM #

    Hmm.. Interesting. I usually go by the “How to survive in a cubicle” and “Writing reports is fatal to your hair” books. But bear stuff will do, too, I guess.

    • Christopher De Voss November 3, 2012 at 5:42 PM #

      Don’t be hating on the man eating bears!

      • Wolfnoid November 4, 2012 at 9:28 AM #

        My best friend is batman.

      • Christopher De Voss November 4, 2012 at 10:42 AM #

        Did you know Batman and I have never been seen in the same room….just saying…

  8. davidhardingblogs November 3, 2012 at 6:38 PM #

    Picnicking – the new xtreme sport!

    • Christopher De Voss November 4, 2012 at 10:46 AM #

      Do they picnic in Australia? Or do dingos ruin it?

      • davidhardingblogs November 4, 2012 at 3:17 PM #

        Usually dingoes ruin it. They are “the bears of the south,” after all. If they have all been eradicated near your house you only have to worry about the snakes, spiders and sharks, fortunately.

      • Christopher De Voss November 4, 2012 at 3:22 PM #

        I hate when sharks ruin a good picnic!

      • davidhardingblogs November 4, 2012 at 9:51 PM #

        Trust me – they love tuna sandwiches!

      • bodhimoments November 5, 2012 at 4:30 AM #

        We do picnic in Australia…. But we NEVER call it a picnic…. Only barbies! (not the two legged kind!). Never met a dingo at a barbie, does a red back spider count?

      • Christopher De Voss November 5, 2012 at 9:32 AM #

        Red Back Spider??? No way dude! No picnicking in Australia. Between sharks and spiders too dangerous!

  9. The Simple Life of a Country Man's Wife November 3, 2012 at 6:42 PM #

    sounds fun — sign me up!

  10. cartoonmick November 3, 2012 at 9:03 PM #

    I love a good picnic with good friends in a great location.

    Here’s a sketch I did of 1 of my friends at our last picnic.

    He ate most of the food.

    https://cartoonmick.wordpress.com/humorous-illustration/#jp-carousel-227

    Cheers

    Mick

    • Christopher De Voss November 3, 2012 at 9:18 PM #

      He is very ugly. You may have to picnic in the dark with that one.

  11. The Bumble Files November 3, 2012 at 9:28 PM #

    YAY!!! Congrats on the Freshly Pressed!!! Superb, well done!! I’m so happy for you, Chris.

  12. ummqamarblogs November 3, 2012 at 10:41 PM #

    This was friggin hilarious!

  13. segmation November 3, 2012 at 11:48 PM #

    What about the family activity of Paint by Numbers?

    • Christopher De Voss November 3, 2012 at 11:55 PM #

      Bears love paint by numbers…but they can only count to three.

  14. pezcita November 4, 2012 at 12:31 AM #

    This is too funny! Sadly, it’s getting too cold to picnic here in IL. I wonder if you tried to have an impromptu bar-b-que in Soldier Field if you’d get chased by a pack of ravenous Chicago Bears? Worth a try.

  15. beezzacademy November 4, 2012 at 1:04 AM #

    Gee, wish I could apparate and join you guys!

    • Christopher De Voss November 4, 2012 at 1:07 AM #

      No wizards at the picnic…unless your bringing macaroni salad. The good stuff, not with a lot of celery in it.

  16. Misbah Al Ikhsan November 4, 2012 at 4:36 AM #

    Reblogged this on alikhsanmisbah.

  17. workspousestory November 4, 2012 at 5:49 AM #

    Eh. Maybe in Hamerica. Not in the UK for sure… it’s freezing, it’s raining…. bleh.

    • workspousestory November 4, 2012 at 1:52 PM #

      Woohoo! I might do just that.

  18. rakeshkumaracharya November 4, 2012 at 1:15 PM #

    hey u can come to india….now is the perfect season for picnics..

    • Christopher De Voss November 4, 2012 at 1:31 PM #

      Are you allowed to picnic in front of the Lotus Temple? Because that would be cool.

      • rakeshkumaracharya November 6, 2012 at 5:07 AM #

        that would be a no.But their are oder cool places like damanjodi,dheradun,ooty,which are perfect locations for picnics.

      • Christopher De Voss November 6, 2012 at 7:06 AM #

        Cool. I’ll look them up.

  19. Peaches November 4, 2012 at 1:49 PM #

    Everytime I try to take Hubby for picnic, he is very much so not interested. I think he’s more scared of mosquitoes than bears. How should I handle that?

    • Christopher De Voss November 4, 2012 at 1:52 PM #

      Mosquitoes hate anything by Prince from the 1980s and 90s. Play the Purple Rain soundtrack and they won’t bother you. Do not play Michael Buble…they love Michael Buble.

      • Peaches November 4, 2012 at 1:54 PM #

        Damn. Now I’m never gonna get him to go picnic. Hee, Hee. I think purple rain is more likely to ruin my chances than mosquitoes….I might get away with little red corvet though….

      • Christopher De Voss November 4, 2012 at 1:56 PM #

        Prince is the lesser of two evils…just tell him that.

      • Peaches November 4, 2012 at 2:13 PM #

        ok. hahaha. Very clever advice.

      • peachyteachy November 4, 2012 at 7:20 PM #

        This is clearly the place for me to comment because of the crazily coincidental peach theme with Peaches there. Imagine the memories one could burn into one’s psyche if one were to play “Purple Rain” on every damned picnic. Also, U2’s “One.” I am inspired. It snowed today.

      • bodhimoments November 5, 2012 at 4:33 AM #

        Do you not have Aeroguard in America???? “Putontheaeroguard. Andavaeagreatweekend”. I am not going to any picnic if Buble is not invited.

      • Christopher De Voss November 6, 2012 at 7:36 AM #

        No Aeroguard, but I’m guessing we have something similar called “Off”. We Americans like to call our products with titles of what they do…so as not to confuse Alabama.

  20. 5thingstodotoday November 4, 2012 at 5:09 PM #

    I really like your blog and would love you to feature on mine, http://www.5thingstodotoday.com. All you have to do is write five suggestions along with a link back to your site. Please check out the blog and see the sort of things people have written about.

  21. saradraws November 4, 2012 at 7:23 PM #

    Could you please be more specific regarding “bear”? Can I expect a black bear, a Grizzly bear, or a large man with a chest sweater? Kind of need to know.

    • Christopher De Voss November 4, 2012 at 9:19 PM #

      Whatever type are indigenous to your area…ask your local picnic chapter. 😉

  22. Kathryn November 5, 2012 at 12:29 AM #

    This is brilliant- and only made better by the mention of D.L.R. 😉
    Made my day!

    • Christopher De Voss November 5, 2012 at 12:32 AM #

      Roth makes everything better.

      • Kathryn November 5, 2012 at 12:47 AM #

        Amen, ain’t that the truth! 😛

  23. Tori Nelson November 5, 2012 at 7:43 AM #

    “Here, Eat This Weird Wild Berry And See If It Kills You Roulette”…. This is nature’s equivalent to a wild and crazy night. Hilarious 🙂

  24. Maggie O'C November 5, 2012 at 1:19 PM #

    Can David Lee Roth sing Panama? That gives me a Lady Boner.

    • Christopher De Voss November 5, 2012 at 1:20 PM #

      Is that good? Is that what Chyna had?

      • Maggie O'C November 5, 2012 at 1:27 PM #

        Oh gawd I hope not. It’s too good for Chyna.

  25. Andrew November 6, 2012 at 12:00 AM #

    I don’t know if you know this, but David Lee Roth can actually speak bear.

  26. lsurrett2 November 6, 2012 at 9:51 PM #

    We in TN do go picnicking and do have bears, butI get the feeling you are under the impression they correlate exclusively. And that they don’t like BBQ sauce too get on their fur, but I think the park provides dry-cleaning for them at a reduced rate

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