The Finals Of The World Championship Uno Competition

16 Nov

Welcome to the World Championship Uno competition brought to you by CardTV.  I’m your host Philip McCray.

In this, the final round, our players will be Jonathon Applebottom in the west position, Nancy Ficklestein in the East position, George “The Butcher” Butcher in the North position, and Gary, an Orange about to turn bad in the South position. (Playing as the orange’s hands will be Uno Grand Judge, Albert Unomasterson.)

It’s been a long…tedious…some what boring to watch and moderate competition to far.

Alright, the cards have been dealt, and a yellow number 5 has been revealed to start the round. Play begins with “The Butcher”, he looks at his hand in total concentration…after many minutes of senseless debate he plays a yellow 8. The crowd claps.

Now going clockwise to Nancy Ficklestein…she immediately lays down a Draw 2. The crowd gasps. What an bold opening  move! Albert draws two cards from the top of the deck for Gary the Orange. Gary the Orange doesn’t look happy and shoots Nancy a nasty navel look! Folks, this is going to get heated.

Play resumes with Applebottom. Applebottom is a four time World Champion Skip-Bo player, and has recently decided to try his hand at Uno. Smart call as he has made it to the final table in his very first tournament. Applebottom draws a card, a lackluster first move. The crowd sighs.

As the players take a quick over-priced bottled water break, I would like to take a moment to publicly apologize to our network president Brandon Smelker for sleeping with his one and only daughter…and then cheating on her with the Head of Programming’s favorite niece…oh….and then cheating on them both with three drag queens from Newark…

If any or preferably all of them could find it in their hearts to forgive me, and possibly give me back my old assignment at the World Series Of Poker Championships, I would be up most grateful and promise to keep Mr. Happy in my pants where he belongs.

I was dumb. I was stupid. And it will never happen again. I can’t take this Uno tournament anymore! It has been the worst, most boring, 112 hours of my life! Give me back my Poker Championships…please!

Wait, I have just been handed an important update…well, I guess it is more like a promo announcement…Ladies and Gentlemen join me next week for the World Series of Cribbage…90 and up Seniors division….next Friday night…4:30 pm early….before the buffet opens…applesauce night…

Damn….sigh.

Ok, now play resumes with “The Butcher” playing a Wild Draw 4 Card….

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35 Responses to “The Finals Of The World Championship Uno Competition”

  1. Christopher De Voss November 16, 2012 at 3:21 PM #

    Excellent point!

  2. davidhardingblogs November 16, 2012 at 3:58 PM #

    Ha ha! I remember Uno! I remember Skip-bo! I remember mama! I remember Uno! Wait, did I say that one already I forget.
    I want this on TV, people from 5 to 105 would love it.

  3. davidhardingblogs November 16, 2012 at 4:00 PM #

    Also, I will give you 5 bucks if you change your tag line to ‘life, humor, zombies and uno.’

  4. Cathy Ulrich November 16, 2012 at 5:36 PM #

    I especially like the tags. And Phillip is his own worst enemy…

  5. Bumba November 16, 2012 at 5:50 PM #

    Echoing La La (OK, La La) Go Fish could be your next big assignment. Or perhaps you could become a “War” correspondent. But FYI, Cribbage is one of the greatest card games of all. Covering it would be great: 15 two, 15 four, and two pairs… Wow

    • Christopher De Voss November 16, 2012 at 6:17 PM #

      I don’t know what any of that means…

      • Bumba November 16, 2012 at 7:59 PM #

        It’s cribbage lingo, but I’m afraid I’m getting like a cribbage…board.

  6. David Stewart November 17, 2012 at 5:57 AM #

    Yeah, Uno is not even that fun to play for a long time, let alone watch. Still, it’s got to beat Rock Paper Scissors as a spectator sport.
    By the way, I love that one of them was a Skip-bo champion as well.

    • Christopher De Voss November 17, 2012 at 7:33 AM #

      I was worried no one would know what Skip-Bo was…cool!

  7. The Bumble Files November 17, 2012 at 7:40 PM #

    Ha ha. Old Maid could be next. Or, is that just another version of Uno? I don’t know what Skip-Bo is. Please, do tell. Are you missing poker?

    • Christopher De Voss November 18, 2012 at 8:47 AM #

      Always miss poker. Some days it feels 900 miles away. Skip-Bo is made from the people who make Uno. It’s pretty good. You have to get rid of your cards 1-12 in order from a pile of 30. If you YouTube it, you can see people playing it. Good family game that isn’t boring.

  8. Storkhunter November 18, 2012 at 6:44 PM #

    At least you’re not left watching solitaire – it’s the card game version of … ahem … self love … and nobody wants to watch themselves doing that.

  9. chamblee54 November 19, 2012 at 1:33 PM #

    “Alright, the cards have been dealt, and a yellow number 5 has been reviled to start the round. Play begins with “The Butcher”, he looks at his hand in total concentration…after many minutes of senseless debate he plays a yellow 8. The crowd claps.” How do you revile a card? Yea, he probably meant reveal, and the spell check let one go by. Or maybe Revile is supposed to be relive, and we have to watch this horrible excuse for a reality show again.

    • Christopher De Voss November 19, 2012 at 2:46 PM #

      I was wondering where my Nobel Peace Prize for blogging was…thank god you came along and helped me fix my mistake. I shall honor you in my acceptance speech…How do you spell your name again?

  10. GiggsMcGill Jill November 19, 2012 at 5:28 PM #

    Is it sad I love Uno? Mostly because I can beat little children at it and I lose to them playing video games… *sigh* But DO love Skip-Bo. And covering War would be epic! Haha, I now think I want to suggest a tv channel of all these tournaments to the cable company…

  11. Andrew November 20, 2012 at 1:19 AM #

    This reminds me of the Jenga tournaments (tournaments is pronounced the British way) of 1912. But a trifle less violent.

    • Christopher De Voss November 20, 2012 at 8:20 AM #

      Jenga tournaments (tournaments is pronounced in the redneck way) are banned in Florida. For obvious reasons.

      • Andrew November 20, 2012 at 10:02 AM #

        Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

  12. beebeesworld January 15, 2014 at 2:22 PM #

    Thanks for reading my blog! beebee

  13. wisemonkeysabroad February 25, 2014 at 5:47 PM #

    Love UNO so loved this post 🙂

  14. Jamila September 30, 2015 at 7:03 AM #

    uno was soooo cool!! so much better than the pokemon cards people started exchanging later… anyone remember that!?

    • Christopher De Voss September 30, 2015 at 7:09 AM #

      Got to catch them all!

      • Jamila September 30, 2015 at 7:11 AM #

        I could never do that. I always got stuck with like a million snorlaxes. Yes I was that girl.

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  1. Selling Christian Singles « Chamblee54 - November 19, 2012

    […] De Voss. His tag line promises LIFE, HUMOR, AND ZOMBIES. The top story, written November 16, is The Finals Of The World Championship Uno Competition. Uno is a card game for people who don’t like cards. It is easy to pick up on, and can be fun. […]

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