Long Awkward Pause – A New Adventure In Blogging

In lieu of reblog Thursday, I have some exciting news.

I’m announcing the birth of a new, exciting, epic, original, ingenious, bold, spicy, operatic, collaborative masterpiece:

Long Awkward Pause!

What is Long Awkward Pause you may ask…and even if you didn’t ask, you may ask after you recover from your excitement over this announcement.

(I will wait until you pick yourself up off the floor, dust your pants off, and compose yourself thus-ly.)

Long Awkward Pause is a humor magazine collaboration between myself, Blurt, B.L.O.G., Monk Monkey, and Ramblings Of An Apathetic Adult Baby. We will take reader submitted topics  and write about them either once or twice a month depending on schedule, earth rotation, Chick-fil-a openings, births, deaths, oil changes, and other such hazards of the blog world.

I’m really excited to work with these guys, and I hope you’ll be just as excited to read our stuff. And if your not excited, at least tell your friends how not excited you are about this site, and how they should check it out for themselves.

You can view  the site, here. Don’t forget to follow, pretty please. Currently the site is just featuring reblogs of us, the actual first post will be on or around Aug. 2nd. It’s a topic submitted by Jo Ellen of Two On A Rant and it’s a tasty one. Feel free to fill out the form on the about page and suggest your own musings.

For everyone who follows, you will receive one free email notification!

My Personal Twitter Follow List

I am about to share my personal “Best Of” twitter list of people you must follow.

Warning #1: You must, must, must, must, apple, must, must, must, must have a sense of humor. That is must to the 8th power and a random word (apple) thrown in to see if you were paying attention.

Warning #2: The people on this list are not for the faint of heart. You can not be easily offended by jokes about such topics as:  brine shrimp, masturbation, whores, government policies, sex, drugs, fruit, transvestites, car dealerships, music, family vacations, the Food Network, pooping, peeing, pooping and peeing at the same time, farting, Oprah Winfrey or any other taboo subject.

Warning #3: You may become addicted. If your not on Twitter, or don’t understand Twitter, or think Twitter is something weird Uncle Frank does when he falls asleep on your couch, then you’re really missing out. Let me break it down as simply as I can. Think of Twitter like Facebook but only the news feed and Farmville.

(Just joking, no Farmville.)

Think of Twitter like Facebook but only the news feed, except this news feed only allows so many words to be printed…which can be good or bad. The good is; people tend to get straight to the point, not a lot of rambling. You will also not find a lot of posts like: I’m bored, I’m here with so-and-so doing something-or-other, I’m tired-going to bed, I woke up but I’m still tired, etc, blah, etc. The bad is: sometimes brilliance takes more than 140 characters to complete.

If your new to Twitter and decide to follow any of these people, it’s the @ before the name that will help you find them. For example, I’m @chrisdevoss.

Anyway, here is the list along with a sample tweet. Kind of like dipping your toes in the water. Enjoy.

Unicorn Glitter Tits @uniglittertits Sample Tweet: When I see a woman in a dress and sneakers, I look at her like she owes me an explanation.

mrs mcdick @SugarTits84 Sample Tweet: “has anyone seen my hair gel and awesome abs?! Oh there they are!”-every guy on the jersey shore

Lisa @Loobio Sample Tweet: @Fl3ggy tits are fine. The rest of me feels a bit tired and squashy.

Mike @Hey_Yo_Mikey Sample Tweet: No one in The Black Eyed Peas has a black eye or is a pea, discuss.

GetbentLA  @GetbentLA  Sample Tweet:’The Biggest Loser’ isn’t even a show anymore. It’s my Facebook feed.

April Wheeler  @LABeachmom Sample Tweet: Hey Toyota, how can something be “new AND improved”? If it’s improved, it can’t be new. If it’s new, why does it need to be improved?

steve williams  @stevewilliams52 Sample Tweet: Imagine if you could squeeze a boob and pudding came out. That would easily make boobs 4x’s as good as they already are.

Lulu  @lulunail Sample Tweet: How do I politely tell the temp to turn his music down because mine was playing first and is so much fucking better?

George Cocksman  @Georgecocksman Sample Tweet: Apple cider reminds me of kindergarten except with more crying.

Xander Talbot  @NickleBagOtruth Sample Tweet: I think I just followed myself to the fridge. Time for bed.

suzanne  @globetrottgirl Sample Tweet: Guaranteed I’m not the only one to mistake a stripper’s camel toe as a bottle opener!?

Christopher De Voss  @chrisdevoss Sample Tweet: Yeah, I put myself in my own list. I have no shame.

eRod  @e_Rodriguez_ Sample Tweet: This how I use 100% of my brain when talking to a women 50% Don’t stare at her tits 25% Smile & Nod 24% Stop stare at her tits 1% Listening

Blatant Al  @RawWhore Sample Tweet: If reincarnation is a sliding scale based on how many ants you’ve killed, a lot of people, me included, are coming back as slugs.

D  @mrscrotchpains Sample Tweet: Thank god tennis mom in her tennis whites got business man in his suit to stop&help with her flat tire so her tennis togs don’t get dirty.

Bone GetOffended.com  @getoffendedBone Sample Tweet: What if lazy eyes are the first step in our evolution towards chameleon people.

Colleen  @getoffendedcom Sample Tweet: If it’s on my property, and it vibrates, I’ve had my way with it.

Ms. Sarcastic Bitch  @Titty_Katz Sample Tweet: Lady Gaga should have donated her meat dress to Courtney Love. Then at least Courtney could attract something. Even if it’s only flies.

COCKFART  @COCKFART Sample Tweet: Buttless chaps are my way of giving back to the community. Besides, they said I could dress casual at work today.

Corn Squeezins  @DoucheMcBaggus Sample Tweet: I asked the hot, blond waitress about her beef curtains. She went to the kitchen to check.

Cosmo  @thedailydogfood Sample Tweet: I once broke out of a Concentration Camp and raped a Nazi just so I could tweet whatever I wanted later.

Brent  @BelatedBastard Sample Tweet: It doesn’t matter what car you’re driving when you have to take a massive dump, it WILL turn into a fucking Dodge Viper & get you home.

Rooster_  @Chicken_Hawk38 Sample Tweet: Hey Spike TV…. Deadliest Warriors idea. Mother-in-laws vs. Sasquatch

moooooog35  @moooooog35 Sample Tweet: Someday I’m going to change the triangle inside a Magic 8-ball so every side says “Try Again” and give it to someone with OCD.

Amy Scarborough  @AmySScarborough Sample Tweet: Dear Chester Cheetah, Your Hot Fries are indeed rather hot & are also a delicious accompaniment to my hot dog from a gas station. Love, Amy

Ingrid Bester  @ingybelle Sample Tweet: Breaking News: China’s Leading Agency Lowers U.S. Credit Rating from AAA to BWAHAHAHAHA

Bridge  @girl_eats_world Sample Tweet: My boob sweat is what wet dreams are made of.

passive aggressive  @behindyourback Sample Tweet: If you’ve ever been told there’s no such thing as a stupid question, it’s because you just asked a really stupid question.

Will O’Fend  @willoffendyou Sample Tweet: Enlighten me why you put like 5 people in your profile picture. You know I am going to assume you are the fat one with the hump