Share This Pointy Picture

Saw this on Facebook:

Pointy arrow to the profile picture. Genius.

So I decided to make my own.  Feel free to use them.

May the 4th Be With You – A Tribute To Some Of My Favorite Characters From Star Wars

May the 4th is an unofficial holiday to celebrate all things Star Wars. Just in case you are unfamiliar, May the 4th be with you is a pun of May the force be with you…which of course is a famous line from the films.

Being a huge Star Wars fan as a kid, I thought I would pay tribute to some of my favorite characters:

Han Solo was the ultimate hero. Reckless and cool, Solo got the girl and saved the universe.

Chewbacca was Han Solo’s copilot and faithful friend. He also had a funny side, which appeared several times throughout the movies.

R2-D2 and C3PO act as the film’s catalysis as they weave the universe and the Star Wars saga together from Darth Vader creating C3PO as a boy, to their help in destroying the Death Star.

Darth Maul, a great character that died way too soon.

The Stormtroopers – at first seem just a mindless, expendable army, but later you learn they are clones of Boba Fett.

Boba Fett a bounty hunter on the hunt after Han Solo. This character is iconic even though his part is relatively small. Many fans want a Boba Fett movie.

The Star Wars universe was populated with many creatures and is limitless in imagination.

The baddest of the bad, scariest of the scary…evil personified, Darth Vader!

Princess Leia, shown here in slave outfit. Jabba the Hut had her in his evil clutches as the princess distracts everyone to save Luke and ultimately herself.

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Posting This Morning

Ok, nothing really funny happened on the way to posting this morning. All I really did was check my email, and looked at message sent to me from AnyBeat.

If your unfamiliar with AnyBeat, it’s another Social Networking site that tries to be different by breaking things down into topics. Then you comment on the topic, and other people comment on the topic, and then it becomes pretty boring after AboutForty-five seconds. I think I made some comments on some music, the TV show True Blood, AndThat was AboutIt.

I checked it out AboutFive months ago, maybe logged on two or three times AndThen just kind of forgot AboutIt.

AboutOnce AMonth I’ll get the standard, “Hey, where are you? Come check us out, your AnyBeat friends miss you!” email. Until they sent me this:

This is not your father's Social Networking site.

I spit out all of my Coke Zero when I read this, I mean “Star Lotus”? Why would you name yourself that!

I certainly don’t want to be “difficult”. Thank god AnyBeat recommended I read this…I didn’t realize I was fixated on size. If AnyOne would like to talk openly AboutMy penis, I’m OK with that. Just don’t point AndLaugh is the only thing I ask…AtLeast while I’m in the room.

I don’t think I’ll probably will not be going back to AnyBeat AnyTime soon.

Switching gears:

I posted this joke…which I stole…on Twitter awhile back:

I couldn't find the tweet, but actually Facebook timeline made it quite easy to find, believe it or not...maybe it's not so bad after all. Pretend this is the Twitter version.

I know your still going to hate Timeline. It's OK. Facebook will come out with something else for you to hate soon I'm sure.

A Twitter robot sent me this:

I understand the dangers, but it was just a joke. Jeeezzz! I feel like I just got scolded by my mother for saying something insensitive about Uncle Harold's one, and only one dangling tooth.

Speaking of Timeline and Facebook, if you haven’t already, and your a fan of the show, check out Saturday Night Live’s page. They really used Timeline to it’s fullest potential by going back and plugging in the show’s events into the actual years they were happening…all the way back to the shows beginnings. It is really cool to explore. I randomly pulled up a date for you to see an example. (Despite my penis size I can be nice sometimes.)

Some SNL, somewhere around 1999

And finally, this was sent to me from a friend. This is from Amazon.com believe it or not:

Ladies, now you don't have to shop for a vibrator and a bed for your pet to watch you in, while you tickle the oyster. You can get them both in one convenient package...and it looks like it comes in matching colors. AND did you see it was on sale?

Plus you get this too!

I don't know what it is and it doesn't look as fun as the vibrator, but hey...it's included and pink as well.

Dinner With The Angry Family

YOU BURNT THE ROAST AGAIN! THIS IS THE SIMPLEST DISH IN THE WORLD TO MAKE…THROW IT IN THE CROCK POT, PRESS A BUTTON, AND YOUR DONE! HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO BURN IT EVERY TIME?!

IF YOUR SUCH A MASTER CHEF, MR. BALD-GORDON-RAMSEY, THEN YOU COOK DINNER!

I WOULD STILL HAVE MY HAIR IF I WASN’T MARRIED TO YOU!

CAN’T WE, FOR ONCE, HAVE A PLEASANT MEAL WITHOUT ALL THE FIGHTING?!

I JUST WANT TO EAT MY PEAS IN PEACE!

CAN SOMEONE FEED THE BABY, PLEASE?!

WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE SO SELFISH?! MY GIRLFRIEND JUST DUMPED ME AND YOU PEOPLE CARE ABOUT IS SOME CHEAP BURNT MEAT?!

DID YOU SAY YOUR GIRLFRIEND DUMPED YOU?! ARE YOU SAYING YOU’RE A LESBIAN?!

DON’T YOU DARE SAY THAT MEAT IS CHEAP! 

ARE YOU LISTENING?! OUR DAUGHTER IS A LESBIAN!

WHY DON’T YOU REALIZE HOW HOT THAT IS DAD?!

WHY CAN’T YOU PEOPLE EXCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM?!

CAN SOMEONE FEED THE BABY, PLEASE?!

WOOF!

MEOW!

If one of you don’t mind…can somebody change my litter please? It’s been like four months…

I’M GOING TO EAT THE HAMSTER IF SOMEONE DOESN’T FEED ME SOON!

*gulp*

And scene.

Weird Friday The 13th Ebay

Bored? Then amuse yourself by trying to find the weirdest things for sale on Ebay:

If this sells, I'm off to the store to buy a bag of popcorn shrimp and a bottle of Super Glue.

A dead, stuffed, two-nosed pig for $650.00 and a nightmare inducing picture...I can't believe this is still available!

Is this legal? And you know some pot head is just going to smoke his wallet when he runs out of money in his wallet...

A Spooky-Weird-Head to practice poor shaving techniques?

Why are they kissing? Is this the 27" old school gay basketball league?

It says on the can: "Excellent source of sparkles" and "Magic in every bite". Maybe those two basketball players above got a hold of some Unicorn Meat.

Just so we are on the same page here. It's a cup...to hold your can of beer in...in the can...in the cup....

Sold...if your soul comes with good credit.

Social Media Friday Pt 1

First up, a pinch of a typically non-funny social media web site: Google Plus. Hard to find the funny here, lots of tech talk going on…all the time.

If you don't get it, look at the graph and read the comment again.

A Dash of Tweets:

And a generous helping of Facebook:

A Really Bad Ode To Mundane Things

This is a poem about mundane things

Like sticks, pebbles, and plastic rings

And car batteries, ants, and kite strings

Bread, door knobs, and sleeping kings

 

But who wants to read a poem about such boring stuff?

Padded with all sorts of dribble and fluff

When instead I can show you a picture of a robot unicorn fighting a giant octopus on a Millenium Falcon guitar in outer space:

 

 

 

The End?

Marvel Hygiene

The cable is out. It will be out until Friday.

That leaves me with not much to do before work but  to explore midget clown wrestling porn Facebook, more than I should:

I read comics as a kid. Might be fun to find out who I would be...

Moustafa kind of looks like Namor there…

Usually this type of application is a series of questions with choices that you would never pick, but are forced to if you what to find out the answer to the burning questions of:

which actor/actress/robot/robot dwarf you’re like,

or which bra color you are,

or what toilet bowl cleaner you most associate with…

Not the case with this one. I think it chooses based on the profile picture. Moustafa is sitting by water, so it picked a water type super hero for him.

My current profile picture is a low resolution picture of my face:

See how I crop out the chin fat? Makes me look prettier than what I am.

So here is what the application came back with:

I was hoping for Wolverine or Spiderman...but giant, angry, purple pants guy is OK too. I guess. 😦

But you want to know what is really funny about this picture? Let’s take a closer look at the Hulk image:

Is that Hulk getting his teeth brushed by a little kid?

Whoever made this application was either in a hurry...or a comic genius. I'm guessing both.

Well, I thought it was funny...

Stealing A Stinky Linky

If you have not read the blog: A Rich, Full Life In Spite of It; then you have not read it.

But if you have read the blog: A Rich, Full Life In Spite of It; then you probably are a fan.

Go check it out, it’s one of my priority reads. For a list of my other top blogging reads, send a self addressed stamped envelope with a cashiers check for $10 to the address listed below.

I was lucky enough to be included in this post by A Rich, Full Life In Spite of It: Stinky Linky. Click on the link for the full article. It’s a quick read, I promise.

It’s basically a thank you to her readers, a little plug, and some Q & A…or Questions and Answers for the non-hip abbreviated crowd.

Lifted from A Rich, Full Life In Spite of It’s blog, the question to me:

https://chrisdevoss.wordpress.com/ I feel some pressure to be funny on Facebook now that you and some of your friends have added me. Sadly, Bok Choy Boy was only funny to my husband, my college roommate and me. In a knife-for-hands fight, would you pick Edward Scissor Hands or Freddy Kruger? Can you Photoshop these two together and take a finger bang potential poll? The results are pretty obvious, but that would kind of make my week. Also, have you seen this blog? http://girlsguidetozday.wordpress.com/

And my responses:

A) Don’t feel pressure to be funny on Facebook. Just be yourself. You don’t even have to post, just throw some “likes” out to those people. They are “like” whores. I’m a “like” whore. Hell, everyone is a “like” whore when it comes down to it.

B) Yeah, I didn’t get the Bok Choy Boy thing either, but I’m thinking about making a story up about it. Bok Choy Boy vs. Won Ton Man.

C) Freddy Krueger, hands down would win in a fight over Edward Scissorhands. Eddy is a pus. Or should I say, Freddy Krueger, blades down would win in a fight over Edward Scissorhands. Eddy is a hairdressing bush trimmer.

D) Unfortunately my photoshop skills are limited to cutting the heads off bodies and pasting them onto other bodies. But I like the idea.

E) Umm, do you know what finger banging means? (*whispering* It’s a sex term!) And if you do….you naughty minx! (I always wanted to call someone a naughty minx…just could never work it into conversation before. Thank you.)

F) I have not seen that blog and it was awesome! (http://girlsguidetozday.wordpress.com/) I never knew you could use a tampon as a weapon other than as an excuse not to have sex.

P.S. I don’t have a topic for tomorrow, so I’m re-blogging this!

A different type of finger bang.

Team Edward?

Evolution Of A Pop Tart Picture

Nobody Ever, and artist residing in Australia has let me Pop Tart her before. If you don’t know what I am talking about, and I’m sure you don’t, let me demonstrate:

Original picture from Facebook

Pop Tarted Picture:

So Pretty!

So, since I had Paint Shop Pro open: (Which is what I use, I know you Photoshop users just fell off your chair in shock.)

Nice dress! Who is your designer? (*pretentious laugh) Oh, it's me!

My friend Kenny, not to be out done, or maybe as bored as I was that day, submitted this:

In order for this picture to be accurate, I would have to be looking down the front of my dress. (At my new boobs that I suddenly acquired!)

Not to be outdone by Kenny, I borrowed this picture from Nobody Ever’s vast collection:

Porn from the 20's?

And changed it, ever so slightly:

And that was how productive my day was….