Dear…Sincerely

Dear Candy Crush,

Playing Level 65 a thousand times without beating it is not fun!

Sincerely,

Not Spending Any Money On Charms You Bastard!

—–

Dear 6 Year Old,

I’m changing my name so you can’t call it a million times an hour.

Sincerely,

Mxyzptlk-ya-gowkza (Formally Known As Dad)

—–

Dear Game Of Thrones,

All you have done is talk for 9 episodes, and now we are going to make it exciting?!

Sincerely,

Smells Like Boardwalk Empire

—–

Dear Fart,

Your timing sucks!

Sincerely,

She Is Not Impressed With My Lovemaking Skills

—–

Dear Lazy People,

TV Remotes, Dishwashers, Car Clickers, ATMs, Cell Phones, Sporks

Sincerely,

The Spork Is Underrated

—–

Dear Iphone 6,

We have already released our phone so you could copy the features and make everyone buy new phones again. You’re welcome.

Sincerely,

Galaxy 4s

—–

Dear TV Executives,

Sleepy Hollow, Hannibal, Bates Mates…recycling at it’s best.

Sincerely,

That Does Nothing To Save The Planet

—–

Dear Three Blind Mice,

Sorry to hear your tails got cut off.

Sincerely,

1-800-Find-A-Lawyer

—–

Dear Eminem,

It would be cool if you were a TV advertising spokesperson. Just saying.

Sincerely,

M&M’s

—–

Dear Every Light On In The House,

Kids…Why? Is This Necessary?

Sincerely,

Thanks For Making Me Sound Like My Dad

I Want To Ride 80’s Style

Reblog Thursday is upon us again. It only seems like a week ago it was Reblog Thursday…

Anyway, I can take both sides of the issue in this piece…you are missing the world with your head glued to the usually broken glass of your iphone 5, yet a lot of times the world ain’t all that exciting…you know…with everyones face glued to their broken glassed iphones.

Often if I’m not driving I take the opportunity to visit my Simpson’s Tapped Out town on my unbroken glassed Galaxy III phone even though I grew up listening to Dad’s AM light rock radio and figuring out landmarks along the way to Grandma’s house to know how soon we would get there.

By the way at the big rock that looks like a butt, means we are almost there…

HEY BEERGUT!!

I don’t know about these iPod’s and stuff.  What the hell ever happened to sitting in the car hour after hour as a kid and looking out the window?  Now the kids are all hooked into their stupid devices where they squint (maybe that’s just me) at a screen hour after hour while the scenery goes by.

Listen, I totally get the drown out the parents thing.  Back in the day it was all about having my hand-me-down Sony Walkman and listening to my tunes instead of the endless classical music my parents played on the radio, from which relief was granted every half hour by way of the news that would drone on for what felt like forever.

With my Walkman and head phones on, I would gaze out of the window and take in the landscape, the wildlife and the other vehicles sharing the road.  The only time…

View original post 264 more words

Things I Wished My Smartphone Would Do…

(Redneck translation: Things I Wish My Cell Phone Done Did!)

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, sure, Smartphones are really cool and all, with their technology, and their apps, and the texting, and the music, and the TV….

Annnnnnnd sure they are improving them all the time with the better screen resolution,  and the faster processors, and the iPhone version X coming out every six months…

…but I still want more.

Maybe some everyday household uses as well could be built into the phones, such as:

Electric Razor

TV Remote

Projection TV

Keys For My Car

A Comb

Knife and Fork. (I realize you need two phones.)

Portable Paint Brush

Bottle Opener

Meanwhile Somewhere On The Internet Pt 15

Lowercase letters: just like uppercase letters, but without the drama. Happy Friday.

Not a football fan, but I would watch this!

 

Really cool, until you try to put it in your pocket.

 

Hopefully you have a good HMO!

 

Even Hulk Hogan's mustache is a fan of Hulk Hogan.

Meanwhile Somewhere On The Internet Pt 11

Just doing what the sign said...you guys are never happy!

 

Clever....yet cheap.

 

Very affordable....See Apple does have a heart.

 

What are you thinking Fluffy Bunny? And why is your tail on your head?