Dear…Sincerely

10 Jun

Dear Candy Crush,

Playing Level 65 a thousand times without beating it is not fun!

Sincerely,

Not Spending Any Money On Charms You Bastard!

—–

Dear 6 Year Old,

I’m changing my name so you can’t call it a million times an hour.

Sincerely,

Mxyzptlk-ya-gowkza (Formally Known As Dad)

—–

Dear Game Of Thrones,

All you have done is talk for 9 episodes, and now we are going to make it exciting?!

Sincerely,

Smells Like Boardwalk Empire

—–

Dear Fart,

Your timing sucks!

Sincerely,

She Is Not Impressed With My Lovemaking Skills

—–

Dear Lazy People,

TV Remotes, Dishwashers, Car Clickers, ATMs, Cell Phones, Sporks

Sincerely,

The Spork Is Underrated

—–

Dear Iphone 6,

We have already released our phone so you could copy the features and make everyone buy new phones again. You’re welcome.

Sincerely,

Galaxy 4s

—–

Dear TV Executives,

Sleepy Hollow, Hannibal, Bates Mates…recycling at it’s best.

Sincerely,

That Does Nothing To Save The Planet

—–

Dear Three Blind Mice,

Sorry to hear your tails got cut off.

Sincerely,

1-800-Find-A-Lawyer

—–

Dear Eminem,

It would be cool if you were a TV advertising spokesperson. Just saying.

Sincerely,

M&M’s

—–

Dear Every Light On In The House,

Kids…Why? Is This Necessary?

Sincerely,

Thanks For Making Me Sound Like My Dad

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37 Responses to “Dear…Sincerely”

  1. tarnishedsophia June 10, 2013 at 9:10 AM #

    So true to all of them! 😀
    Thanks Chris…it’s nice to have some silliness early in the morning.

  2. aliceatwonderland June 10, 2013 at 9:27 AM #

    I want to change my name too. The other day my husband said “I just noticed they follow you around the house everywhere.” No shit, Sherlock.

    • Christopher De Voss June 10, 2013 at 9:39 AM #

      Everywhere! I’m shutting the door to the bathroom for a reason kids!

  3. Rutabaga the Mercenary Researcher June 10, 2013 at 9:36 AM #

    I never understood why my Mom used to say to us “I’m going to change my name!” – until I became a Mom and told my kid “I’m going to change my name!”

  4. The Vanilla Housewife June 10, 2013 at 9:55 AM #

    This was the highlight of my 9 hour shift in the office LOL Thanks for making me laugh!

  5. ohlidia June 10, 2013 at 10:17 AM #

    My smile for the day! Thanks!

  6. David Stewart June 10, 2013 at 10:27 AM #

    That was exactly the amount of silliness I needed as the (almost) last thing I read before I go to bed. I’ll report back on any inspired dreams. I loved the three blind mice. I’m sure they could get at least a 6-figure settlement.

    • Christopher De Voss June 10, 2013 at 10:29 AM #

      At least…it’s a wonder why they didn’t seek council all these years.

  7. Maddie Cochere June 10, 2013 at 11:45 AM #

    The next time I need to send a complaint letter, I’m hiring you.

  8. rheath40 June 10, 2013 at 12:36 PM #

    I have no idea which I like best. Hell, I love them all…

    • Christopher De Voss June 10, 2013 at 12:38 PM #

      Thank you so much

      • rheath40 June 10, 2013 at 12:50 PM #

        You are a funny one my sweet. A very funny one….

  9. Jen and Tonic June 10, 2013 at 12:46 PM #

    I just started playing Candy Crush a few days ago, and I was addicted immediately. That’s what I get for making fun of my friends who played it.

    • Christopher De Voss June 10, 2013 at 12:49 PM #

      Stop now! Before you lose your sanity!

      • night owl June 11, 2013 at 9:42 PM #

        I took that wicked app off my phone two days after downloading it.

        However, it is marketing genius! And you are funny and fun to read.

      • Christopher De Voss June 11, 2013 at 9:48 PM #

        I can’t until I beat level 65.

  10. lionaroundwriting June 10, 2013 at 1:32 PM #

    Dear TV Executives,

    Sleepy Hollow, Hannibal, Bates Mates…recycling at it’s best.

    Sincerely,

    That Does Nothing To Save The Planet
    ^
    Found that one particularly amusing. I’m tempted to steal your concept. Except I’ll change it slightly, like a new iPhone.

  11. Daan van den Bergh June 10, 2013 at 2:16 PM #

    Dude. You can’t take that name. I patented it three years before I was born to make sure my parents couldn’t call me that.

  12. frequentneed June 10, 2013 at 3:07 PM #

    This was wonderful 🙂

  13. ksbeth June 10, 2013 at 5:40 PM #

    dear chris de voss: i love these so much, especially the spork shoutout and the dad name change.

    • Christopher De Voss June 10, 2013 at 8:51 PM #

      I love sporks.

      • ksbeth June 10, 2013 at 9:00 PM #

        one of the best inventions in the history of humankind.

  14. denmother June 10, 2013 at 10:11 PM #

    You definitely covered all of the important stuff!

  15. silkpurseproductions June 11, 2013 at 8:14 AM #

    Dear Mxyzptlk-ya-gowkza,
    This was just a whole lot of fun.
    Sincerely,
    The Girl with coffee coming out her nose and both hands incapacitated to clean it up.

  16. BrainRants June 11, 2013 at 9:37 AM #

    Dear Junior,
    This was funny, but steak.
    Sincerely,
    Staring at the photo of steak on your last post because steak

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