It looks like a book store.....soooooo.....a sign like this is definitely needed???
My favorite actor and drink all rolled into one. Easy Reader take that!
If I was rich I would so have this!
First guy lost the coin toss....
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Questioning Spongebob Squarepants
29 Aug
The toddler has discovered Spongebob Squarepants and is (no pun intended) hooked. This is my fourth trip through Spongebob’s child-crack addicting humor as the other three children loved Spongebob at one time or another. I realize it’s just a cartoon, and fantasy, and meant for one thing only; to make you laugh…but this fourth time around I have some questions/observations.
Mr Krabs had sex with a whale. His daughter is a whale.
Spongebob’s parents are real sponges while Spongebob is a synthetic sponge.
Plankton’s wife is a computer, does he have sex with it or just watch porn on it?
Plankton only seems to have one employee, himself.
The Krusty Krab is a lobster/crab trap.
Mr Krabs spells his name with a K, like when you spell imitation crab with a K.
Spongebob’s neighborhood consists of three buildings only, a rock, and Easter Island Head, and a Pineapple.
Their cars are boats that drive underwater.
No one swims.
Is Squidward an octopus or a squid?
Why doesn’t Squidward use all of his tentacles to do stuff with?
When Spongebob and Squidward are home on their day off, who is working the Krusty Krab?
When Squidward is playing his clarinet, why doesn’t bubbles come out when he blows?
Why does Spongebob wear pants and no shirt?
Why does Squidward wear a shirt and no pants?
How did Sandy the Squirrel end up under the ocean?
They are in the ocean, yet they often go to the beach complete with sand and surf.
The buses are submarines.
Spongebob catches and releases jellyfish, but are there other options when you catch a jellyfish? Like eat them? Make them pets?
How does Spongebob’s grill stay hot underwater?
Meanwhile Somewhere On The Internet Pt 5
26 Aug
Meanwhile Somewhere On The Internet Pt 5
What are you guys trying to say? Tried of me stealing your WiFi?
I get it...because it's on a post.
Can't afford an Apple Computer? Make your own.
Oh crap! I have a mouth and a throat!
Meanwhile Somewhere On The Internet Pt 4
16 Aug
My favorite book of all time. I've read it 4 times.
This pizza is dry. Oh crap, I didn't read the instructions. No wonder!
Who doesn't like free things?
Honey, why are we always out of post-it notes?
Meanwhile Somewhere On The Internet – Darth Vader Edition
9 Aug
Vader falls on hard times.
Vader As A Boy Being Told, "No more Chicken Nuggets for you!" Also Mom should have sprung for a PSP instead of the used Game Boy Color.
College Boy Vader getting into trouble again. I always thought he would be a boxer-brief kind of guy.
With today's gas prices, very smart Mr Vader. That thing gets like 70 miles to the gallon, 80 without all the armor.
My Personal Twitter Follow List
4 Aug
I am about to share my personal “Best Of” twitter list of people you must follow.
Warning #1: You must, must, must, must, apple, must, must, must, must have a sense of humor. That is must to the 8th power and a random word (apple) thrown in to see if you were paying attention.
Warning #2: The people on this list are not for the faint of heart. You can not be easily offended by jokes about such topics as: brine shrimp, masturbation, whores, government policies, sex, drugs, fruit, transvestites, car dealerships, music, family vacations, the Food Network, pooping, peeing, pooping and peeing at the same time, farting, Oprah Winfrey or any other taboo subject.
Warning #3: You may become addicted. If your not on Twitter, or don’t understand Twitter, or think Twitter is something weird Uncle Frank does when he falls asleep on your couch, then you’re really missing out. Let me break it down as simply as I can. Think of Twitter like Facebook but only the news feed and Farmville.
(Just joking, no Farmville.)
Think of Twitter like Facebook but only the news feed, except this news feed only allows so many words to be printed…which can be good or bad. The good is; people tend to get straight to the point, not a lot of rambling. You will also not find a lot of posts like: I’m bored, I’m here with so-and-so doing something-or-other, I’m tired-going to bed, I woke up but I’m still tired, etc, blah, etc. The bad is: sometimes brilliance takes more than 140 characters to complete.
If your new to Twitter and decide to follow any of these people, it’s the @ before the name that will help you find them. For example, I’m @chrisdevoss.
Anyway, here is the list along with a sample tweet. Kind of like dipping your toes in the water. Enjoy.
Unicorn Glitter Tits @uniglittertits Sample Tweet: When I see a woman in a dress and sneakers, I look at her like she owes me an explanation.
mrs mcdick @SugarTits84 Sample Tweet: “has anyone seen my hair gel and awesome abs?! Oh there they are!”-every guy on the jersey shore
Lisa @Loobio Sample Tweet: @Fl3ggy tits are fine. The rest of me feels a bit tired and squashy.
Mike @Hey_Yo_Mikey Sample Tweet: No one in The Black Eyed Peas has a black eye or is a pea, discuss.
GetbentLA @GetbentLA Sample Tweet:’The Biggest Loser’ isn’t even a show anymore. It’s my Facebook feed.
April Wheeler @LABeachmom Sample Tweet: Hey Toyota, how can something be “new AND improved”? If it’s improved, it can’t be new. If it’s new, why does it need to be improved?
steve williams @stevewilliams52 Sample Tweet: Imagine if you could squeeze a boob and pudding came out. That would easily make boobs 4x’s as good as they already are.
Lulu @lulunail Sample Tweet: How do I politely tell the temp to turn his music down because mine was playing first and is so much fucking better?
George Cocksman @Georgecocksman Sample Tweet: Apple cider reminds me of kindergarten except with more crying.
Xander Talbot @NickleBagOtruth Sample Tweet: I think I just followed myself to the fridge. Time for bed.
suzanne @globetrottgirl Sample Tweet: Guaranteed I’m not the only one to mistake a stripper’s camel toe as a bottle opener!?
Christopher De Voss @chrisdevoss Sample Tweet: Yeah, I put myself in my own list. I have no shame.
eRod @e_Rodriguez_ Sample Tweet: This how I use 100% of my brain when talking to a women 50% Don’t stare at her tits 25% Smile & Nod 24% Stop stare at her tits 1% Listening
Blatant Al @RawWhore Sample Tweet: If reincarnation is a sliding scale based on how many ants you’ve killed, a lot of people, me included, are coming back as slugs.
D @mrscrotchpains Sample Tweet: Thank god tennis mom in her tennis whites got business man in his suit to stop&help with her flat tire so her tennis togs don’t get dirty.
Bone GetOffended.com @getoffendedBone Sample Tweet: What if lazy eyes are the first step in our evolution towards chameleon people.
Colleen @getoffendedcom Sample Tweet: If it’s on my property, and it vibrates, I’ve had my way with it.
Ms. Sarcastic Bitch @Titty_Katz Sample Tweet: Lady Gaga should have donated her meat dress to Courtney Love. Then at least Courtney could attract something. Even if it’s only flies.
COCKFART @COCKFART Sample Tweet: Buttless chaps are my way of giving back to the community. Besides, they said I could dress casual at work today.
Corn Squeezins @DoucheMcBaggus Sample Tweet: I asked the hot, blond waitress about her beef curtains. She went to the kitchen to check.
Cosmo @thedailydogfood Sample Tweet: I once broke out of a Concentration Camp and raped a Nazi just so I could tweet whatever I wanted later.
Brent @BelatedBastard Sample Tweet: It doesn’t matter what car you’re driving when you have to take a massive dump, it WILL turn into a fucking Dodge Viper & get you home.
Rooster_ @Chicken_Hawk38 Sample Tweet: Hey Spike TV…. Deadliest Warriors idea. Mother-in-laws vs. Sasquatch
moooooog35 @moooooog35 Sample Tweet: Someday I’m going to change the triangle inside a Magic 8-ball so every side says “Try Again” and give it to someone with OCD.
Amy Scarborough @AmySScarborough Sample Tweet: Dear Chester Cheetah, Your Hot Fries are indeed rather hot & are also a delicious accompaniment to my hot dog from a gas station. Love, Amy
Ingrid Bester @ingybelle Sample Tweet: Breaking News: China’s Leading Agency Lowers U.S. Credit Rating from AAA to BWAHAHAHAHA
Bridge @girl_eats_world Sample Tweet: My boob sweat is what wet dreams are made of.
passive aggressive @behindyourback Sample Tweet: If you’ve ever been told there’s no such thing as a stupid question, it’s because you just asked a really stupid question.
Will O’Fend @willoffendyou Sample Tweet: Enlighten me why you put like 5 people in your profile picture. You know I am going to assume you are the fat one with the hump
Meanwhile Somewhere On The Internet Pt 3
1 Aug
I think this sign was meant for me
And this sign was meant for Tenagers
Does whatever a Spider-Can Can...
These two took all day to get their photo.
The Best Zombie Movies
26 Jul
If your a fan of horror movies here is a list of great zombie movies to check out. These are in no particular order.
The perfect blend of zombie and comedy. Starring Woody Harrelson being Woody, Jessie Eisenberg being Jessie, and a great cameo of Bill Murry being Bill.
Dawn Of The Dead (remake) (2004)
A remake of George A. Romero’s movie of the same name.Both take place in a mall, but the remake answers the question, what if a zombie had a baby?
Land Of The Dead (2005)
Another one by Romero with Dennis Hopper as the ruler of a zombie free city deciding who lives and who dies.
28 Days Later (2002)
Some argue that this is more of a virus film, which maybe somewhat true…however a great story and the introduction of British zombies which move much faster. Zombie movies have moved more towards a virus explanation of how the outbreak happens anyway. It’s a little more realistic than dead people rising from the grave.
Dead Alive (1992)
Before Peter Jackson played with Hobbits, he made this film. Funny and creative.
Night Of The Living Dead (1968)
The George A. Romero movie that brought zombies to the mainstream. This classic black and white film still holds up today.
Dead Snow (2009)
Nazi zombies. Need I say more? Be warned, this one has subtitles if you hate to read your movies.
Planet Terror (2007)
The only film worth watching out of the Grindhouse movies. A machine gun instead of a leg? Now your interested!
Return Of The Living Dead (1985)
Braaaains! This movie is credited with first introducing that famous zombie mantra.
Shawn Of The Dead (2004)
Another comedy/zombie film. Starts off a little slow, but stick with it…the payoff is well worth it.
DeadGirl (2008)
Sex with a zombie. Boys will be boys with a chained up naked zombie girl. This one is a primer on how to get the school’s douche bag’s penis eaten off by a zombie.
A List Of Other Zombie Movies (In No Particular Order):
No guarantees whether these are good or bad. (But sometimes bad can be good.)
2056 Escape from Zombie Island 2012
28 Days Later
28 Weeks Later
A Little Bit Zombie 2012
A Virgin Among the Living Dead 1973
AAAH! ZOMBIES!! 2007
Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies 2012
Ada: Zombilerin dügünü 2010
After Sundown 2006
Against the Dark 2009
Alice Jacobs Is Dead 2009
Alien Dead 1980
Alien Massacre (Gallery of Horrors) 1967
All Souls Day 2005
Alles Zombies 2001
American Zombie 2007
Angry and Moist: An Undead Chronicle 2004
Army of Darkness 1992
Army of the Dead – Der Fluch der Anasazi 2008
Attack of the Beast Creatures 2002
Attack of the Flesh Devouring Space Worms from Outer Space 1998
Awaken the Dead 2007
BFF Zombie 2012
Bad Friend 2004
Bath Salt Zombies 2013
Battlefield Baseball 2003
Beverly Lane 2010
Black Magic II (Gou hun jiang tou) 1976
Blood Moon Rising 2009
Blood of the Beast 2003
Boot Hill Blind Dead 2003
Brain Blockers 2007
Bride of Re-Animator 1990
Cast a Deadly Spell 1991
Catholic Ghoulgirls 2005
Cockneys vs Zombies 2012
Curse of the Zombie 1989
Dance of the Dead 2008
Dawn of the Dead 1978
Dawn of the Mummy 1981
Day X 2005
Dead Air 2009
Dead And Gone 2008
Dead Heat 1988
Dead Meat 2004
Dead Men Don’t Die 1990
Dead Past 2010
Deadtime Stories 2 2009
Death Becomes Her 1986
Death Factory 2002
Death Metal Zombies 1995
Death Valley: The Revenge of Bloody Bill 2004
Death Warmed Up 1984
Death of the Dead 2011
Deathwatch 2002
Deep River: The Island 2009
Devil’s Kiss 1976
Devil’s Playground 2010
Doomed to Consume 2006
Dorm of the Dead 2006
Electric Zombies 2006
Enter the Zombie2006
Erotic Nights of the Living Dead 1980
Escape 1971
Evil – In the Time of Heroes 2009
Evil Dead 2013
Evil Dead II: Dead by Dawn 1987
Evil Grave: Curse of the Maya 2004
Evil Keg 2007
Evilution 2008
Exhumed 2003
Exit Humanity 2011
Fading of the Cries 2011
Fangoria Blood Drive 2004
Fast Zombies with Guns 2009
Hellgate 1990
Insanitarium20080.0
Premutos: Lord of the Living Dead 1997
The Bloodfest Club 2012
The Bog Creatures 2003
The Boneyard 1991
The Chilling 1998
The Clown (Le Queloune)20084.2
The Dead Undead 2009
The Dead are Alive 1972
The Death Curse of Tartu 1966
The Earth Dies Screaming 1965
The Evil Dead 1981
The Ghost Breakers 1940
The Ghoul 1933
The Ghouls 2003
The Granny 1995
The Mad 2007
Meanwhile Somewhere On The Internet Pt 2
25 Jul
Pictures from the net…
That car is appealing. (What? Too easy?)
Funny, Beautiful, Clever, It made me cry.
For the love of eggs.
Great use for the legos left lying around.
Meanwhile Somewhere On The Internet Pt 1
18 Jul
Pictures from the net…
The Only Keyboard My Wife Needs
I Prefer Michael Jackson 1972
So Very Unhealthy For You!
Is That Yoda In There?
It Took Me All Day To Put Together.
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The Picnic Lovers Association Tennessee Edition
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Dinner With The Angry Family
WOOF! And scene.
Christopher De Voss 
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