This little nonsense was in my drafts folder forever. It was something I wrote down one day in hopes that it might turned into a funny little diamond.
Sadly it stayed a piece of coal.
But I still kind of liked it, so I kept it in my drafts.
I was trying to find inspiration for something to write yesterday, when I pulled this up and reread it. There was a small grammatical error on it, a rarity for me because it’s usually a huge grammatical error, so I fixed it…and published it….accidently.
I meant to hit update.
Even though I found this piece somewhat amusing, it wasn’t publish amusing, so I was content just to keep it to myself.
I do think a handful of my close friends might find it extremely funny knowing me personally, but without that, I think it just reads as a strange, bizarre, “do you do drugs?”, thing.
I didn’t see a way to unpublish without deleting the whole thing…so now it’s out there, like a cat turd laying next to the litter box….with just a tiny bit of that rock looking litter on it, making it look like a turd from Tiffany’s.
The day I wrote this, I asked the Teenage Boy to read it and tell me what he thought. He read it, snickered a little, and said nothing.
“Well?” I asked.
“It’s not really funny until the last line,” he replied.
I paused and stared at him. He stared at me. I raised one eyebrow.
He said,
“What?!”
“So what your saying,” I said slowly. “Was that it wasn’t funny till the last line…like every joke in the world.”
“Yeah,” Teenager responded.
“Every heard of a punchline?” I asked.
“Yes.”
I shook my head, “Never mind. Thanks for the input.”
So with that…enjoy…or not.
It’s a free country.
—–
Hello?
*Adjusts microphone stand, makes it too short.*
Is this thing on?
*Looks around the room for reaction from audience. Doesn’t really get any. One person coughs*
Can anyone hear me?
*Blows into microphone several times*
Is this microphone on? Can you hear me in the back?
*Tries to adjust microphone cord. Knocks microphone off the stand. Ear piercing feedback from the speakers follows.*
Hello? Testing…1….2….3….4….
*Taps on microphone with finger*
Okay. I think everyone can hear me now.
*Looks crossed-eyed at the microphone, briefly falls asleep.*
Welcome to the annual meeting of: People Who Don’t Know How To Use A Microphone…
—————————————————————–
Hello?
*Adjusts submarine sandwich, makes a tomato fall on the floor.*
Is this thing on?
*Looks around the table for a napkin. Finds one and shreds it*
Can anyone hear me?
*Takes a bite. Mustard squirts on shirt*
Is this microphone on? Can you hear me in the back?
*Says this into the end of the submarine sandwich that has not been bit into*
Hello? Testing…1….2….3….4….
*Spills drink. Starts to cry*
Okay. I think everyone can hear me now.
*Looks crossed-eyed at the submarine sandwich, briefly falls asleep.*
Welcome to the annual meeting of: Crazy People Who Think Submarine Sandwiches Are Microphones….
Thanks so much for the humor you add to my days. There are some awards awaiting you, if you so choose, on my page today. Much appreciation! paula 🙂
Thank you!
Sometimes I think that in my own head, I am girl version of you.
Then we are secret clones of each other…secret biochemical buddies…or S.B.B’s. Except you got the better body I’m sure.
word!
Either I’m retarded or the Teenager was. Or you are. Don’t have a clue…but I laughed through the whole damn thing. Oh wait, I’m drunk…maybe that’s why. Nah….this was damn funny.
I am. Bottoms up! 🙂
phew….thought it was me! 😆
bending the elbow as we speak. cheeeers. oops.
“Spills drink. Starts to cry” For some reason this seemed hilarious to me. I could just see it. Great post.
I thank you sir.
Ah, that punchline! Rock on Chris!
Rockin’! Thank you!
Ha! Awesome. Now I want Subway.
lol…eat fresh!