Preteen Vs. Call of Duty

Preteen playing Call of Duty and talking smack to his buddies:

• Dang it! Dang! Dang!
• Oh, I hit the python! (I don’t know what that means. I think he meant pylon, but even then, it doesn’t make much sense.)
• Oh, and a shot gun takes him out. That’s going to hurt in the morning.
• That must suck for that guy that tried to kill me.
• Hey, you took out your best player, me!

Yes, grown ups. He is that squeaky voiced tween that is kicking your butt and causing you to throw your controller across the room.

Me: Why do you sit so close to the TV, Preteen?
Preteen: It’s better to see.
Me: You’re going to hurt your eyes.
Preteen: I shall be fine.
Me: Back up a little bit.
Preteen: If I do I’ll die!
Me: It will be Ok, unlike real war, you’ll come back to life.

Preteen moves chair and dies.

(Editor’s note: In the game.)

(Editor’s other note: Dad secretly snickers.)

Preteen: Thanks, Dad!
Me: The Call of Duty Vision Insurance Plan sucks. I can’t afford the glasses.
Preteen: Huh?
Me: Don’t worry about it.

Life before Playstation.

Please Help Send One Direction To Orlando *Updated*

Please Help Send One Direction To Orlando.

What is One Direction you may ask?

Well, One Direction is a boy band from the U.K. or Ireland or New England or some place like that. They were formed on the British version of X Factor, which I guess, is the original version of that TV show.

Anyway my Tween daughter (and now the Toddler…*sigh) is obsessed with this band and has been since their conception.

These are the "blokes" as they call people in the UK. If I remember their names right, it's Harry, Louis, Niall, Larry, and Ringo. That is probably not right. However the Tween can tell you their first, middle, and last names...birthdays, birthmarks, and anything else you might need or like to know.

We live in Orlando, Florida. For my daughter’s one and only Christmas present (after much debate) we bought her concert tickets to see One Direction open for Big Time Rush in Dunham, North Carolina…the closest venue they were coming to, and by the way…12 hours away from us by car.

At today’s gas prices, that’s like $5000 in gas.

(For those who are lost: Big Time Rush is a boy band as well, and they have an almost watchable TV show on Nickelodeon. (For those even more confused now, Nickelodeon is a kid/tween television station and not a boy band.))

The concert wasn’t until March, so we had some time to plan. Along comes March, and as luck would have it, she has a major school project that very same day…which means no concert.

I don’t know why they are not touring any farther south than Dunham. We get major acts in Orlando all the time. We even have a state of the art arena to host such said acts. My only guess is that they might be afraid that all we have is sweet tea to drink. Not true, we have Coke Zero too.

These guys are pissing me off a little. I did spend an incredible amount of money on a hoodie and poster from their web site for the Tween’s birthday. After the conversion to Euro, and shipping and handling, I was able to afford it by:

A) Selling the car

B) Selling 1 child into slavery

C) Working night shifts as a donut hole punch operator.

So I am calling on the power of the internet to get these guys to Orlando to mend my Tween’s heart. There album has been released here in the states…finally. (My brother sent an advanced copy from Ireland a couple of months ago, so I have already had the pleasure of listening to it 150 times over.) The album is called: Up All Night.

I figure if everyone just buys one copy, it will force them to tour. I know you NSYNC/Backstreet Boy Moms will understand my plight.
www.onedirectionmusic.com/

Help!

*Update*

One Direction is coming to Orlando, Tampa, and Fort Lauderdale in June 2012.

Over heard at the dinner table tonight:

Oldest Son: I don’t think they should send fruit roll ups to Africa.
Oldest Daughter: You can’t trip Dad while he is sitting down.
Youngest Son: I thought the prosecution wore the black mask and had the giant axe.
Youngest Daughter: I am not a constipated monkey!