Tag Archives: tummy drop

A Teenager Interviews Me

10 Oct

Carlos Santiago, age 14, was supposed to interview someone who was influential in the community for school. Well, in true teenage fashion, Carlos dragged his heels and was now desperate. So last minute, guess who comes knocking on my door?

Did you say Carlos?

Because the answer was really obvious if you didn’t.

I told Carlos I’m nobody, and I don’t really do anything for the community. He said that I was being published, so that would be good enough for now and besides his project was due tomorrow.

Fair enough.

I told him the only way I would do it is if I could put it on my blog because I have no good ideas for a post today anyway. He said he didn’t care if I did, he doesn’t read my blog anyway.

Really?

Ok.

Well here it is:

Today we are interviewing Chris De Voss, one of the authors of Zombie Survival Crews up and coming book. Chris, what is the title?

Um, no title or release date announced yet. However, it’s a compilation of stories, art, and poems all with a zombie theme. This is their second book, and I’m excited to be a part of it.

Just stick to answering the question directly please.  I don’t need a sales pitch. It’s not like I’m going to read it. Zombies are stupid. I mean really, really dumb things to write about. Hello? Shot to the head. End of story. What is your favorite movie, and if you say a zombie movie, you’re lame.

Well, guess what you little…um…ok…it’s actually Better Off Dead. It’s a comedy. So there!

Never heard of it.

John Cusack movie from the 80’s. Super funny.

Who is John Cusack? Not that it matters, I’m not going to watch it! Old man movie! It’s like 70 years old.

You’re math is really off and how about we move on to the next question.

What is your favorite book?

World War Z. It is a zombie book, and I don’t care if you think it’s lame. I grew up reading a lot of Stephen King, so I guess I have always liked the horror genre. Hey, Carlos…you know what’s lame? Interviewing someone on all their favorite things. I think you might get a better grade on this if you get a little more in depth or detailed with your questions.

What is your favorite color?

Green. Really?!

You write a blog. I don’t read it. What’s it called?

Well, it was called The Zombie Journals, because it was going to be about zombies. Then I decided to write about whatever, so now it’s not really called anything. Just kind of my blog, I guess. Ha Ha.

That’s stupid. 

I’m sorry. Is there another question? Or are we ending it there?

Yeah, I have to ask more. This isn’t long enough. You’re pretty boring, so I don’t know what to ask.

Well, Carlos…isn’t this suppose to be about someone who helps the community? So why don’t you ask me what I do for the community.

Oh yeah. Thanks. What are some of the things you do for the community?

Nothing.

Hey! That’s not helping! Do you want me to fail?

Carlos, I don’t want you to fail, but you can’t be mean to me either. Usually interviewers don’t insult their interviewees. Except maybe David Letterman.

Oh. Yeah. Sorry. I guess I was a little hard on you.

So ask me something else. Make it good. Get an A on this assignment.

Soooooo…when you write your blog…well it’s pretty dumb. Do you smoke a lot of weed before you write something? It seems like you do.

No….

Get Drunk?

No!

Do you have a mental plate in your head?

No! I thought you said you don’t read it.

Well, sometimes if there is nothing on TV…

Do you have any real questions? Because I have lost interest in helping you.

What is your favorite color?

Good luck on your grade Carlos. Goodbye.