Sick. Sick. Sick.
I’ve been sick.
It was much more worse two weeks ago.
On Sunday I sat in a chair and just let the kids do whatever they want. My plan was to either:
A) Sleep and not move until I felt better
or
B) Die.
The 6 year old’s plan was to watch endless hours of Spongebob Squarepants on the DVR.
She did.
I did too.
Eventually she moved on to her karaoke machine to sing One Direction’s What Makes You Beautiful. (Her own special version.)
I watched the rest of Spongebob with the One Direction song blaring in the other room. The episode ended and clicked off of the DVR, leaving me with Golf…and the TV remote across the room on the couch.
In my sick state, it might as well have been in Iceland.
Or Greenland.
Or Mordor.
Or Mordorland.
Even though I live in Florida, I’m not a golfer. I tried a couple of times. I had a lot of fun too, until the greenskeeper yelled at me to stop racing the other golfers in the golf carts, and that I needed to actually play the game of golf. I got kicked out when they found out I didn’t even have a set of golf clubs with me.
I have never watched golf on TV before…
I found it boring to play, so I doubt I would find it much more stimulating to watch.
I was wrong! It was quite actually entertaining to watch. Now it could have just been the fever boiling my brain that made it so fun to watch, but regardless I was hooked for the afternoon.
First question that popped into my head…who decided it was a good idea to take the smallest ball possible and try to shoot it into a hole four miles away? This is where mini golf is better, because the hole is only 4 feet away and you get to travel through a windmill.
I think orginally the Scottish invented golf as a joke on everyone else.
“Ah, laddies! Here is a new sport…(hee hee). Try to take this itty bitty ball and put it in the hole way yonder there! You can’t see the hole, but trust me…it’s there. Swing this metal stick against the ball. Oh, and you can only do it in three tries or less. If not, you have to throw that tree stump around!”
Second question: How close are the golf announcers to the actual golf players in order that they have to talk like yoga instructors? I watched the golfers move from hole to hole…without golf carts mind you, no racing for these guys…but when they cut back to the anouncers, they didn’t seem to move at all…yet still talked like they were trying to put me in a trance.
For some reason after watching this telecast, on certain key words I will take off all my clothes and cluck like a chicken…but I don’t want to talk about it.
Shhhhhh!
(Asparagus)
The most impressive thing about watching golf on TV….the cameramen! They can follow that teeny tiny golf ball from swing to water hole. I wonder if you have to go to special golf cameraman school for that?
Golf cameramen get to race golf carts.
At the very end Tiger Woods won, which I guess doesn’t happen very often anymore…. ?
I don’t know.
People seemed excited about it. The strange thing was, was that Tiger Woods’ caddie slapped him on the butt like a football player! That’s dangerous man! Give Tiger the right opening and he will have sex with you.
It’s in the game.
Christopher De Voss 
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