Tag Archives: the hobbit

Spongebob To Golf And Back

25 Mar

Sick. Sick. Sick.

I’ve been sick.

It was much more worse two weeks ago.

On Sunday I sat in a chair and just let the kids do whatever they want. My plan was to either:

A) Sleep and not move until I felt better


B) Die.

The 6 year old’s plan was to watch endless hours of Spongebob Squarepants on the DVR.


She did.

I did too.

Eventually she moved on to her karaoke machine to sing One Direction’s What Makes You Beautiful. (Her own special version.)

I watched the rest of Spongebob with the One Direction song blaring in the other room. The episode ended and clicked off of the DVR, leaving me with Golf…and the TV remote across the room on the couch.

In my sick state, it might as well have been in Iceland.

Or Greenland.

Or Mordor.

Or Mordorland.

Even though I live in Florida, I’m not a golfer. I tried a couple of times. I had a lot of fun too, until the greenskeeper yelled at me to stop racing the other golfers in the golf carts, and that I needed to actually play the game of golf. I got kicked out when they found out I didn’t even have a set of golf clubs with me.

I have never watched golf on TV before…

I found it boring to play, so I doubt I would find it much more stimulating to watch.

I was wrong! It was quite actually entertaining to watch. Now it could have just been the fever boiling my brain that made it so fun to watch, but regardless I was hooked for the afternoon.

First question that popped into my head…who decided it was a good idea to take the smallest ball possible and try to shoot it into a hole four miles away? This is where mini golf is better, because the hole is only 4 feet away and you get to travel through a windmill.


I think orginally the Scottish invented golf as a joke on everyone else.

“Ah, laddies! Here is a new sport…(hee hee). Try to take this itty bitty ball and put it in the hole way yonder there! You can’t see the hole, but trust me…it’s there. Swing this metal stick against the ball. Oh, and you can only do it in three tries or less. If not, you have to throw that tree stump around!”


Second question: How close are the golf announcers to the actual golf players in order that they have to talk like yoga instructors? I watched the golfers move from hole to hole…without golf carts mind you, no racing for these guys…but when they cut back to the anouncers, they didn’t seem to move at all…yet still talked like they were trying to put me in a trance.

For some reason after watching this telecast, on certain key words I will take off all my clothes and cluck like a chicken…but I don’t want to talk about it.





The most impressive thing about watching golf on TV….the cameramen! They can follow that teeny tiny golf ball from swing to water hole. I wonder if you have to go to special golf cameraman school for that?

Golf cameramen get to race golf carts.

Golf cameramen get to race golf carts.

At the very end Tiger Woods won, which I guess doesn’t happen very often anymore…. ?

I don’t know.

People seemed excited about it. The strange thing was, was that Tiger Woods’ caddie slapped him on the butt like a football player! That’s dangerous man! Give Tiger the right opening and he will have sex with you.

It's in the game.

It’s in the game.

Reblog Thursday Pt 25

28 Feb

Just another Reblog Thursday…ohhh…oooo (sung to Manic Monday or You Give Love A Bad Name…you choose) The title of this piece could be about medieval chastity devices or one evil cashier at a Steak N Shake…you choose.


Today we ate at Steak N Shake.

Upon checking out, my card was swiped and I was told I was all set. There was no option to fill out my receipt and add a tip – simply a closed out order. I asked the cashier, Jackie where I should write in the tip, she replied that this was impossible because she had already closed out the transaction. I told her to fix it then, because who was she to block Anastasia from her tips? And how long was this going on? How many servers in this crappy litter diner are being screwed out of their pay because Jackie doesn’t feel like adding tips onto their open checks?! Jackie replies, “Well you didn’t ask me if you could leave a tip.” I pointed out that this was a restaurant and typically people leave tips. In a situation where you have to…

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My Simplistic Review Of French Onion Dip Flavored Pringles

14 Nov

My Simplistic Review Of French Onion Dip Flavored Pringles

Not that good.


I was going to leave it at that…but I started looking at the can…and I noticed something…if you zoom in closer…


A little more closer…

Now look really close at the bowl of dip on the table….

Right there…what is that? Let’s zoom closer…

It’s a tiny confused Will Smith head in the bowl of dip!


My Simplistic Review Of The Movie: Brave

25 Jun

Being a family of six, it’s a rarity that we go to the actual movie theater to watch a movie. It just costs way to much. So when it came to an unusual Saturday night when it was just me and the Toddler, we decided to go see Disney/Pixar’s Brave.

I got a free popcorn from my movie rewards card and purchased a small and medium soda which came to $10. I was at the Target earlier in the day where I could have purchased 4 twelve packs of soda for $11. Which means….for one dollar more I could have purchased 46 more sodas.

Who says movie theaters charge an arm and a leg for concessions?

I don’t feel ripped off at all.

The movie wasn’t what I expected, but then again, I didn’t know what to expect. All I knew is that some red headed chick shot arrows. My knowledge was based solely on the packaging of the doll the Toddler wanted me to buy her the last time we went to the store.

Daddy, I want this!

The plot was the same old princess-is-suppose-to-marry-some-prince-who-she-doesn’t-want-to-marry-so-she-decides-to-rebel-in-some-way story.

This movie is Scottish in theme, so the princess had to choose between three Scottish clans. One of the Scottish clans had the blue war paint from Braveheart, the Mel “I hate Jews” Gibson movie, and the prince looked like the actor, Adrien Brody.

Copyright Disney/Pixar

Copyright Adrien/Brody

This another one of the suitors.

Who was modeled after actor Jack Busey…I think.

The third suitor I couldn’t find a picture of…


The princess turns her mother into a bear through a magic spell from a witch in the woods. This spell originally was just suppose to change her mother’s mind about forcing her to marry Adrien Brody or one of the other two goof balls. The witch was very vague about the spell. The red head should have seen it coming. Maybe she had never seen a Disney movie before?

You can figure out the rest the rest of the story, I’m sure.

I will say I was fascinated by the job they did on the princess’ red curly hair. It was incredible. I mostly focused on that the whole entire movie.

I’m thinking I should have sprung the extra couple of dollars to see this hair in 3D. This picture does not do it justice at all.

Some lady that sat next to us in the movie theater laughed loudly through the whole movie, even at parts that weren’t particularly that funny. I think she was a “plant” by Disney to…you know…start a laugh orgy so that everyone was brainwashed into thinking it was funnier then what it was.

All in all, I thought it was funnier then what it was…see what that laughing lady just did there…

Fans of Pixar movies know that John Ratzenberger is in every single one. I didn’t know what part he played in Brave, I didn’t hear his voice…which is pretty distinct.

Apparently he plays a guard named Gordon. I didn’t know until I read it in the closing credits.

Is it worth taking the kids too? Sure…

…or you could wait until BluRay/DVD combo comes out as well.

***Spoiler Alert***

My favorite part of the movie is where the princess is locked in her room and the only person who has the key is this heavy set woman with lots of cleavage, whom periodically appears here and there. Some sort of nanny maybe, or cleaning woman, or Aunt…I don’t know for sure what her job is…Anyway, she hides the key between her breasts, and one of the princess’ brothers dives into her shirt to retrieve the key and rescue the princess.

Best rescue. Ever.

***Spoiler Alert 2***

I saw a preview for The Hobbit. It didn’t look that great.