Tag Archives: poems

Some Modern Day Child’s Sing-Songy Nursery Rhymes

23 Nov

Some updated nursery and/or sing-songy rhymes for the kiddies instead of the old Hey Diddle Diddle and the Hickory Dickory Dock of yesteryear…

Peanut Butter Peanut Butter
Pie Pie Pie
Peanut Butter Peanut Butter
Pie Pie Pie
Strawberry Shortcake
Kick Them In The Eye
Eye Eye Eye
Pat Them Down, Pat Them Down
Like The Airport Security Guy
Guy Guy Guy
Don’t Tip The Waiter
And You’ll Make Him Cry
Cry Cry Cry
Peanut Butter Peanut Butter
Pie Pie Pie
If I Had A Nickel
For Every Nickel I Had
Then I Would Have Double The Nickels
And You Would Be Sad
(This one would be one of those clapping/slapping hand games that little girls do.)
Four And Twenty Lawyers
Went To A Market
 In Their BMWs
For The Firm They Mark It
Then In Order To Get Ahead
They Piled Out And Said;
“One To Chase An Ambulance;
Two To Prey On The Elderly; 
Three To Sue The Land Owner;
And Four To Count The Money;
Of All They Cheated And Bled!”
A Mouse And A Piece Of Cheese
Went On Killing Sprees
While Playing Call Of Duty
Which Made Them Both Moody
Said The Mouse To The Cheese,
“I Do What I Please!”
And Gobbled Him Up
With The Greatest Of Ease.
Then The Mouse Leveled Up
Earning New Weapons And Stuff
While The Cheese
Was Farted Out
In The Breeze
 Death Metal Baby
Sitting In A Tree
Pierced All Over
From Head To Knee
He Fell From Branch To Branch
And Now His Nose Piercing 
Looks Like Three
Some praise for Humorist Christopher De Voss’ Some Modern Day Child’s Sing-Songy Nursery Rhymes:
“I don’t get it!” – A Random Child
“Weird and unnecessary. Children all over the world are sure to hate these, except those that live in Utah.” – The Modern Rhymer Magazine
“I laughed. I cried. I really loved this movie. Then I logged onto this web site and threw up my popcorn.” – Roger Ebert
“Nothing needed improving here…Mr. De Voss is obviously delusional. A fat head if you will! I would give my left nut to see him in jail!” – A Random Homeless Man Who Doesn’t Even Know How To Read.
“I thought it was funny, different, and a tad bit clever!” – An Imaginary Dragon That Lives In My Downstairs Coat Closet And Has A Pet Chicken As A Best Friend
“C’mon! Who doesn’t like Cheesecake?!” – The Cheesecake Factory
“Why is every letter capitalized?!” – Protesters For An All Lowercase Nation

Ol’ Shaky Cheese – A Collection of Love Poems

3 Sep
Ol’ Shaky Cheese
I prefer to call you Parmesan
The other way
Makes it sound like you have
Parkinson’s disease


Take off your coat…
And your necklace…
And your sweater…
And your shirt….
And your tank top…
And your corset…
And your bra…
And your nipple covers…
Is that really an Aquaman tattoo between your breasts?


Sometimes I look at the stars and count them
1,092,345,637,253, 1,092,345,637,254,1,092,345,637,255…
Our love is like counting stars
And long and tedious
And died like a million years ago


Don’t forget
When the Zombie apocalypse
Spam is your friend


The Beef and Broccoli you had for lunch
Which is just a hunch
On my part
Because while you ate all the Beef
The Broccoli is still stuck between your teeth

Me Vs. Nyles: Rap Battle

5 Apr

This happened on Google Plus of all places:

Wow. I really upset a Daniel Tosh fan. I watch the show. It’s funny, but Tosh is a one trick pony here lately. Some people like that. Myself, I like a little shake up now and then. I think Tosh has become the modern day Archie Bunker personally.

I stopped listening to rap when it turned gangster. If I’m going to listen to rap it would be Beastie Boys or old school Public Enemy or Run DMC. But, I’m going to accept your challenge! What else can a middle aged white guy and father of four on the verge of bankruptcy do?

This is the point where I dead drop the microphone onto the stage and hitch my pants up while walking in a circle looking tough.

Even though it’s spelled wrong, my name made it into a rap song! Cool! (And my Scope is next to my toothbrush, thank you very much!)

What can I say…new career for me?

DJ De Vo?

Do you like how I threw a plug in for my web site?

Even though I think I won and Nyles thinks he won…the true winner is the Rap world for getting two new stars. You hear me Jay z?

Nyles this is your web redemption.