Tag Archives: mcdonalds

If Taylor Swift Wrote About Real Life

22 Jul

McDonald’s Story


Standing in line waiting to order a burger

Your register girl is slow like a tumor

She doesn’t even know what a number 2 combo is

A number 2 is

The next thing I know

A wet floor cone is on the floor

I see no spill

So I walk around it

Walk around it

Chorus 1:

I ordered a 10 piece
You gave me 9 pieces
Where’s my Bar-B-Que?
It doesn’t look like the picture
Is this even real cheese?
This is my McDonald’s story

I look at the fry carton, it’s only half full

Just ’cause I’m skinny

Doesn’t mean I don’t like french fries

I like french fries

The drive through is backed up

People are screaming

Problem is the manager is only 14

He is only 14

Chorus 2:

I ordered a 10 piece
You gave me 9 pieces
I ordered a milkshake
You gave me a smoothie
Ronald kind of scares me
This is my McDonald’s story

The Shamrock Shake Debate

18 Mar

Klout seems to think I’m a big fan of McDonald’s.

This is the second time they have sent me free McDonald’s money based on my influence on talking about McDonald’s on the web.

A couple of things here to point out here before we continue:

1) I’m not exactly sure what Klout is, or what it means. I don’t understand  my Klout score and if it’s good, bad, or indifferent. I do know they will send me free stuff every once in awhile based on the things I talk about. They once sent me this great pizza cutter:

I love this pizza cutter!

I love this pizza cutter! It’s not as blurry in real life.

2) I don’t think I talk about McDonald’s a lot. I’m actually not a big fan of McDonald’s. In Orlando we have a lot of McDonald’s including the World’s Biggest McDonald’s, several fancy Cafe McDonald’s, and a couple of McDonald’s in the shape of the food they serve. They are fun to walk into from the outside, but I’m always a little disappointed when I get inside and it looks like a regular McDonald’s, and not the inside of a giant french fry. I would really like to eat inside of a giant french fry.

On Klout’s defense I was talking about the Shamrock Shake since it’s March and all, which is the only time you can get a Shamrock Shake. I always remember the Shamrock Shake tasting better than it actually does. I think the entire McDonald’s menu is based on this premise. In fact, the Shamrock Shake tastes like toothpaste swirled into a vanillia milkshake.

Yet I get excited about it’s limited appearance, but I think that’s more to do with other people’s excitement over it’s limited appearance.

You have to supply your own toothbrush

You have to supply your own toothbrush

When I saw the Shamrock Shake sightings on Facebook, I went to get my own.

Currently McD’s is hawking a new product called McFish Bites.

Little balls of fish

Little balls of fish, or could be actually fish balls. Who knows?

Think Chicken McNuggets, but with fish. Also think about not getting them, they were disgusting…especially paired with a Shamrock Shake.

My stomach felt really gurgly for a long time after eating this deadly combo. In my defense, McDonald’s was advertising this pair. I’m a sucker for the featured item at any restaurant.

I got side tracked.


So Klout emails me with the news of free McDonald’s money. It will be in the form of a gift card with a picture of Ronald McDonald on it.

I'm afraid of clowns that raise my cholotrol.

I’m afraid of clowns that raise my cholesterol.

I’m looking at Ronald there, and I’m thinking; “What happened to the rest of the McDonald characters?”

Class of '84

Class of ’84

There was the Hamburglar, Mayor McCheese, the Fry Guys, Grimace, Officer Big Mac, and others whom I forget their names.

What happened to these guys? They just disappeared! One day they were featured in every McDonald’s commercial and on my cookies in my Happy Meal, and the next…poof! Vanished! Gone!

Corporate kill off, I believe.

Now that I look at that picture with Hamburglar, he does look really scary. I’m not sure who the pirate is, or who the bald headed professor munchkin is either, but they both look a little scary as well. The giant hamburger heads and the purple blob guy could be conceived as scary as well.

Maybe that’s why they disappeared. Maybe all of out childhood and adult nightmares steem from the McDonald characters.

I don’t know.

I might get a Shamrock Shake and ponder it some more.

Chicken Nugget Or Celebrity?

23 May

The Game Show Network called me up and asked  if I would be willing to create a new game show for them.

I said I would be delighted.

I thought I would run a sample by everyone to see what you guys think. So here it is, and it’s called:

Here is how it is played. I show you a picture, you tell me if it’s a celebrity or a chicken nugget.



Deep Fryers On…

Let’s play!

Round One

Celebrity or Chicken Nugget?

Celebrity or Chicken Nugget?

Round 2

The Celebrity is on the Right or Left side?

Speed Round

Answers for the speed round: 1 – Celebrity 2 – Chicken Nugget 3 – Chicken Nugget 4 – Chicken Nugget 5 – Celebrity 6 – Celebrity 7 – Trick Question: Half Chicken Nugget Half Celebrity

Bonus Round

Name that Celebrity.

Name That Celebrity.

(Side Note: I fully expect this post will end up in the Freshly Pressed section.)