Tag Archives: life of pi

The Anatomy Of My 6000th Tweet

13 May

I just happen to glance at my twitter count…

…which was strange, because I never do…

I don’t care about my Twitter count, it was just a random glance, I swear.

Anyway, it was at 5,999.

Cool!

For some reason, I thought I should craft my 6,000th tweet as something really special, really powerful, really funny. A tweet to blow away all other tweets…and that’s hard to do. There are a lot of talented people on Twitter.

(Now, to be honest on the Twitter count, they are not all handcrafted gems of comedy. Some of them are links from other social sites like GetGlue, Instagram, and Soundtracking. Those are throw away tweets. So if I was to eliminate all the throw away tweets, my number would be more around the 67 mark.)

Normally I just tweet whatever random thought enters my head, but for my 6,000th, I was going to contemplate something genius for awhile.

For those who don’t Twitter, and those that do, the 6,000th tweet doesn’t mean anything. There are no awards or celebrations, nobody knocking on my door with balloons and a big check…it’s just something to celebrate personally…like flipping the odometer on your car from 999,999 to 1,000,000…which of course promptly puts the car in the shop.

Cut to 7 hours later when I forgot that I was going to hand craft the bestest, funniest, tweet in the world to celebrate 6,000, and instead tweet this:

buttplugtweet1

What the hell is that?!

OK. I see the look on your face…Let me break down the thought process here for a second. I actually don’t think this will help. It will probably make it worse.

Here in Orlando we have a theme park called Universal Studios. The new big thing coming this summer is Transformers 3D – The Ride.

This is a promotion for the new ride. It's a transformer that "walked" through a building in downtown Orlando. If you look closely, there are crushed cars in front of the building.

This is a promotion for the new ride. It’s a transformer that “walked” through a building in downtown Orlando. If you look closely, there are crushed cars in front of the building. Super cool, right?

So now I’m thinking about Transformers and the fact that one of the Transformers was a cassette tape…a now obsolete item. It would suck being an obsolete item as a Transformer. If I was a Transformer, I would definitely request to be an item that stayed current for a long time. That would eliminate a lot of the Transformers that turned into cars, trucks, and motorcycles as well.

“I can transform into a 1986 AMC Concord!”

“I don’t even think that car company is around anymore!”

“Oh, crap!”

(That was a little thought process play from inside my head.)

There is one mechanical device that stands the test of time. It has design changes, but the basic model is still used and popular, even today.

The Vibrator. I could be a transforming vibrator! (Need to be real careful about when I would transform…Ouch, ladies!)

I don’t want to be a transforming pink vibrator…maybe baby blue…

Sorry, getting off track, back to the Tweet. Now I have the begining of the Tweet:

Transformers – Vibrator…More than meets (?)

In case you are unfamiliar, the catch phrase of Transformers is; ‘More Than Meets The Eye’.

What could replace ‘eye’ that relates to a vibrator and would be funny?

Thigh? (No, you don’t vibrate your thigh…hello!)

Stye (Huh? Eye problems and vibrators? Nope.)

Bye?

High?

Die?

Bill Nye?

In my head I’m chanting: Eye, Eye, Eye, Vibrators, Eye, Eye, Brown Eye, Eye…Brown Eye!…Snicker, Snicker….

Wait a minute…

With a tiny change…

buttplugtweet1

And there it was…my tweet…my 6000th tweet…

Oh crap!

I just made my 6000th, oh-so-special-tweet about transforming butt plugs.

*Hangs head*

So I followed that tweet up with this tweet:

buttplugtweet2Oh well….

(I’m serious though…what’s with all the cat pictures out there all of the sudden?)