The Other Me Is A Fashion Designer

When you are trying to take over the internet, it’s not narcissistic to use Google Alerts.

It’s not.

Ok, it is a little…but it’s a great tool to find out where you land in the search engines, if anyone is interested in the product you’re putting out, and helps to capture who your audience is outside of the WordPress community.

I use Google Alerts to track this nonsense, as well as (and more importantly) my sister project: Long Awkward Pause.

If you are not familiar with Google Alerts, it emails you when certain words that you ask it to track are typed into the Google search engine. The other day, this pops into my email:

There are a couple of things that make this even more funny and coincidental then it already is…probably only to me…but I’m going to share anyway:

– There are a lot of people with the last name of DeVos, with the one ‘S’, not a lot with the two ‘SS’ ‘s, (that’s a lot of processor apostrophes) like mine. So the fact that there is another name exactly like mine is incredible. It would be like if there where two people named Hippo Bandersnatch in the world.

– If you go to Long Awkward Pause and look at the writers list, you will notice my brother, Jack, is also on the staff. If you really pay attention, you will notice he is billed as Jack DeVoss, while I’m billed as Christopher De Voss. (With a space between the De and the Voss) There is no space in Jack’s last name. That’s because he spells it correctly, and I do not. Why have I chosen to add a space? When I was younger, and trying to be a famous actor, I thought it looked cool. That’s all, just the coolness factor. (which there is none…(and I’m not famous, but kind of stuck with it now. (this is just to add another parenthese)))

– Target is my favorite store.

Now going back to the article that the Google Alert, altered me to; this I think, is supposed to be a picture of the Target fashion designers: Peter Pilotto and Christopher De Voss:

The article didn’t credit who is who…

One looks like a shorter version of the lead singer of Coldplay and the other looks like any lead German-born bad guy in an action movie such as Die Hard. (Die Hard 12, Die Hard With A Fashion!)

Here are some examples of their die hard fashion designs:

It all looks like something Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas would wear.

In case you are not familiar with the reference:

Sally

I think if any of my friends would say that if I designed fashion for women, it would look something like this:

Not true!

I would actually design something more in the lines of this:

Although, I would probably sneak something like this into my fashion line:

I will use this same name thing to try to score free clothes from Target:

“You don’t know who I am?! I designed this plaid button down shirt! I’m fashion designer, Christopher De Voss! Now put these clothes I have in my basket here on Target’s tab! I’m headed to the food court!”

Meanwhile Somewhere On The Internet Pt 10

Happy Friday!

Oh, my god...those brave firefighters! Wait...what?!

Finally a movie review that is useful.

Ummm....Try searching the old fashion way at this point. Go ask your Mom!

Is he upset because he has a big nose? 😉

 

The Triangle-Lighting Bolt Smart Phone

First off let me start off by saying that I love smart phones, and I love google products. If this was math analogy, then you would write smart phones+android=me(love). (That seems more like a caveman math analogy.)

I currently have a smart phone that I hate. I hate it because it is the only smart phone that was designed to run three apps, and three apps only. There is just no room on this thing. My phone displays the little low on memory triangle-lighting bolt symbol no matter what I take off. I have grown to hate that symbol with my whole heart.

You know how some people hate the little voice mail symbol that looks like that old camera film cartilage from the 80s, I am plagued by that triangle-lighting bolt thing from hell.

Now the phones come with apps…apps I don’t use. I don’t understand why I can’t take these apps off. For instance the phone came with a music app and a mytouch music app. Guess what? Both play music. Can’t take either one off. It came with an AppPack app to add more apps to a phone that has no room. The Google Market isn’t good enough I guess…it only has a billion apps on it. It came with a Clock App and a Desk Clock app. They both tell time, just one looks like a cheap motel room desk clock. I am forced to keep them both. I have an IM app to which I don’t IM. It’s nice for those who do, but since I don’t I would like to be able to delete it. I have a PDF viewer, to which I am not going to be viewing PDF files on my phone. I find PDF files annoying and hard to navigate on the computer, I certainly don’t want to make them smaller and harder. (Although I do enjoy trying to read a PDF file and having it jump 4 pages ahead of where I need it to be with just one scroll of the mouse.)

Then there is my good buddy QuickOffice. The greatest waste of space app ever created. When you first open it, it asks you to register it. After you register it, it acts like it’s loading some big, great, Microsoft Office style application, with a little green loading bar taking it’s time, making you wait in fevered anticipation, until…it loads a blank page. At the top of this blank page it says: open file. Pressing the words ‘open file’ do nothing. It does not matter how many times you press the words ‘open file’, it will refuse to open any files. (The app even snickers a little at you.) If you press the menu button you get two options; Sort and Search. If you think about it…they are the same option. They look grey out, but you can press them to either sort your blank page, or search your blank page. I prefer to sort my blank pages to make sure my blankness is in alphabetical blankness. I can be a tad bit OCD about blank pages. Sorry.

Once a txt file did appear in my QuickOffice app entitled: battery_history.txt. Pressing on it brought my row upon row of:

2011/01/23|9:50:30 PM|-82mA|47%|3807mV|26.0C

I was able to scroll up the lines and down the lines until it ate my battery power and my phone died. I could not delete the text file which was a nice feature. This little beauty of an app takes up about 5.05mb of space and is un-delete-able. Perfect.

I have no music, no games, and very few pictures and the most essential of apps. I cannot live without these apps and will not live without them. I am not a barbarian for god’s sake…or a vegan.

Facebook, TweetCaster Pro, And Google+ (It came with a twitter client called Peep, which you can not remove, and if your into only using 1% of what Twitter has to offer, then this is the app for you.)

Navigation and Find My Car- because I can’t find directions to the neighbor’s house much less to Universal Studios about 20 miles from my home. Then once I find Universal Studios, I won’t remember where I have parked my car when I am done sweating and fighting foreign people for a place in line for the frozen banana on a stick cart.

Google Music-plays the music on your phone, which I have none of, because you know…that requires room to  store. Google Music allows you to store your music on the internet. I have about 20 million songs stored which gives me a nice variety to listen to in the car. This also helps solve my internal storage issue.

Pandora-another option for the car. I love the comedy channel.

Evernote and Google Calender – because I can’t keep track of my life without them.

eBay-Given

WatchDog and SeekDroid – to help save battery power and if you ever steal my phone it will explode in your hands.

Spanish Translator – Because I live in Florida

Joke App – Another given.

Total Commander – To help delete things from my phone so I don’t get that damn little triangle lighting thingy…If my phone were my body I have already cut off my arms, legs, eyes, tongue, ears, and scalp. I’m down to deciding if I really need a torso or not. (Or maybe I don’t need a neck.)

Gmail – I keep this neat and trim. No unnecessary email. When I get it, I read it, I delete it. Don’t want to waste any valuable space with email from my Mom or brother who is currently in Ireland.

Handscent – This is my one luxury.  I could use the boring one that came with the phone and not this beautiful SMS that makes texting so much more enjoyable and heaven-like…but I’m not going too. I’m keeping my torso. (Or neck.)

Not to worry I can spend $500 on a new phone, or wait for my upgrade. Except every time I call and ask when I am eligible for a discount, it’s still like 20 years away…in a month that doesn’t exist.

Sigh.