Coffee – A Short Musical

Sing this to the tune of Lady GaGa’s “Applause”:I live for the reblog, reblog, reblog
I live for the reblog-blog
Live for the reblog-blog.
It’s Coffee week on Long Awkward Pause and this is my rambling on the subject. Not a fan of this, then you can check out my good friends Rants, Justin, and Monk Monkey on the same subject. And if you still don’t like that, check out my other good friends Chowderhead, Cordelia, Mike, and Len as they take on Hollywood later this month!

Curtain opens to a minimalist setting. A man dressed in a three piece suit sits at a table sipping a cup of coffee. His name is Ralph.

Ralph: (Calling off stage) Honey…Honey I’m out of coffee. Can you brew some more? (pause) Honey?

Lucy: (From off stage) Ralph! That’s your seventh cup already! Do you really want more?!

Ralph: (looking towards audience, raises cup and smiles) Yes! I can’t get enough of this stuff. (Cue music)

The stage is cleared of the table as Ralph stands up. In from stage left comes a dancing coffee pot, spoon, coffee cup, saucer, sugar cubes, a k-cup, and a creamer. 

Ralph: (singing)

Coffee, Coffee, You are my love and my life

Whether your dark or just dreamy creamy

I will drink you anywhere

Even in the shower all soapy steamy

Coffee, Coffee, You taste good night and day

I would even drink you…

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Coffees That Didn’t Quite Make It

Coffee is probably world wide the most popular drink…ever.

Here is a little infographic to inform and empress you.

Credit: http://www.livescience.com/16297-coffee-facts-national-coffee-day-infographic.html

There is also a lot of competition out there to earn your coffee dollar.

Here are a few products that didn’t quite do as well as expected:

Meatloaf coffee syrup. When you are missing Mom’s home made cooking. Also comes in burnt. Coming soon: Mac and Cheese coffee syrup.

This is an example of two companies coming together to tie in one product. Nescafe coffee and Jelly Belly’s Juicy Pear. I think it’s the weird green look to the coffee that turned a lot of people off.

This one was geared for teenagers, but they of course were to wishy-washy to care.

Seemed like a good idea to team up with a popular TV show, but with the word Blood in the title, it turned everyone off except Goth people…who have no money.

This was an idea to tap in a market that doesn’t drink coffee. Babies! Plus side: Don’t need cream with it.

Randoms Pt 5

I think a great sitcom would star Edward Scissorhands, Wolverine, and Freddy Krueger…and take place in either a Barber Shop, a Bakery, a Whore House, or a Marble Packing Plant.

Who invented smoking? Who walked around nature and decided to light various plants on fire and then stick them in their mouth to see if they would get any enjoyment from that?

Speaking of smoking, if we legalize weed, what would the pot heads have to talk about?

Who also decided it was a good idea to ground a coffee bean and pour hot water over it? I think Juan and Jorge were having a contest one day to see who could make the biggest smashed coffee bean hill, when Juan got mad that he was losing and poured water all over Jorge’s pile to sabotage his victory. Little did Juan know that Jorge was cheating by hiding a cup in his pile to make it look bigger, and now his cup was filled with brewed coffee. Then it just so happened that Juan’s two little sisters were on their way to Grandma’s, one bringing her non dairy half ‘n half, and the other bringing her a sugar substitute of your choice. The sisters just so happened to see a snake, and in their fear, threw the half ‘n half and sugar substitute in the air, which of course landed in Jorge’s cup of coffee. Then a bully from the village walked up on Jorge and Juan, saw the strange liquid and told them to drink it or he was going to kick their ass!. Well, the donkey actually belonged to Juan’s Grandpa, and Juan’s Grandpa would not be happy if it was kicked, so they drank it. They liked it, but pretended not too, so the bully was none the wiser to their new found fortune.

One day, sometime later after coffee became very popular, somewhere in Italy, a  bully made some guy named Tony, put way too much milk in his coffee, but he wasn’t satisfied with that…he then made Tony blow bubbles into his coffee. Little did the bully know, but he help Tony invent the cappuccino.

Look it up on Wikipedia, I will be adding that to it in a couple of days.

Men’s pants have a zipper in the front, has anyone ever invented women’s pants with a zipper in the middle?