Tag Archives: cheese

The After Christmas Drinking Game + Bonus Cheese Rant

28 Dec

The After Christmas Drinking Game

Take A Drink…

…each time your kids tell you that they are bored even though they just got a bunch of new stuff from Santa Claus

…for each creative presentation of the left over Christmas ham for the next three lunch and dinners

…for each store the wife or girlfriend wants to hit to get next year’s Christmas decorations at 75% off, even though you will pack those away someplace and forget you bought them

…for every person that asks you, “So, how was your Christmas?”

…every time you have to vacuum up fallen needles from the Christmas tree as it slowly sheds itself to death in your living room

…for each fruit cake you throw away

…for each gift you find later that was hidden so well that it never made it under the Christmas tree

…for every time someone says, “This Christmas was pretty good, but next Christmas let’s…”

…for every Christmas present you didn’t really want and you re-gift it to someone else

…for every re-gift you receive

…for every time someone asks you why you weren’t at so and so’s Christmas party, when in fact the reason is you were never invited in the first place

—for every time Grandpa passes out in the lounge chair and you fear that he is actually dead

—–

Now forget all that drinking nonsense, because what I was really wondering is if all the cheese flavors of the world have been discovered. Do we have every possible cheese taste unearthed, or is there new cheese sensations yet to be discovered out there?

How do you invent a cheese flavor anyway?

I don’t know.

I really want to invent a new cheese flavor. I don’t know how to make cheese, but that’s what Google is for, right?

Maybe something smokey, or baconey, or cheeseburgerey…cheese that tastes like a cheeseburger…and then when you add the cheeseburger cheese to a cheeseburger, it tastes like a double cheeseburger.

I’ll work on it some more…

Ol’ Shaky Cheese – A Collection of Love Poems

3 Sep
Ol’ Shaky Cheese
I prefer to call you Parmesan
The other way
Makes it sound like you have
Parkinson’s disease

—–

Take off your coat…
And your necklace…
And your sweater…
And your shirt….
And your tank top…
And your corset…
And your bra…
And your nipple covers…
Is that really an Aquaman tattoo between your breasts?

—–

Sometimes I look at the stars and count them
1,2,3,4…
100,101,102….
10,213,10,214,10,215….
1,092,345,637,253, 1,092,345,637,254,1,092,345,637,255…
Our love is like counting stars
Endless…
And long and tedious
And died like a million years ago

—–

Don’t forget
When the Zombie apocalypse
descends…
Spam is your friend

—–

The Beef and Broccoli you had for lunch
Which is just a hunch
On my part
Because while you ate all the Beef
The Broccoli is still stuck between your teeth