Lessons I (Unintentionally) Learned from Disney Princesses

Hello Reblog Thursday. Oh, you Disney Princesses…you make every little girl want to be one of you and every little boy want to hook up with Jasmine. Snow White, you really need to work on the hairdo…perhaps something a little more with the times. I have a special place for Cinderella but I think Sleeping Beauty would be the best one to marry. You would have the most freedom to play video games, watch sports, and whatnot due to her chronic sleeping habits. I think Merida would be the worst due to her hair and hard to understand accent…and her love of haggis. Gross.

So Fetch Daily

As a youngster, I recall demanding to wear a big frilly dress and a princess tiara anywhere I went. For my birthday, I wanted a pink unicorn to match my pink poofy dress and rhinestone diadem. Where did all of these silly obsessions and my fascination with all things princess stem from? From Disney movies of course! All little girls (and some little boys) grow up watching Disney movies religiously. The Disney princess stories are romanticized versions of falling in love and living happily ever after. Children (and sometimes adults) wind up dreamily following along as the princesses are swept off of their feet by a knight in shining armor and showered in the kind of wardrobe makeovers that would make a grown woman jealous. Each Disney classic also had a moral to go along with all the love and fashion goodness, and along with a taste for frill I have…

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Some 2013 Oscar Nominees That They Had To Cut Out Of The Show

Since the Oscar’s were shown on TV last night, we are able to proudly reveal some of the winners that didn’t make it on air.

Best Second Unit Director:

Marty Scramps for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

The Second Unit Director is the unsung hero of the First Unit Director which is the unsung hero of the Director. Marty won for his 3 second shot of Abraham Lincoln’s childhood home. It took Marty close to seven hours to set up the scene and against all odds of union breaks and a light wind, he was able to deliver some of the most beautiful exterior house shots ever recorded.

Best Caterer:

Sal’s Hollywood Sandwiches And Fried Fish Balls for American Reunion

Sal’s is a relative newcomer to the Hollywood landscape bringing his special blend of hot and cold loose meat sandwiches paired with balls of fried fish innerards. Sal’s piece-de-resistance that earned him his Oscar is the Chipotle Salmon and Sauerkraut Fried Fish Balls.

Best Props Master:

Tina Rickles for Red Dawn

Tina won for her controversial choice of using a P90 Combination Lock on the Prop Shed over the traditional 86 C Padmaster Combination Lock. This bold move changed nothing for the movie but enabled Tina to get a 3 figure endorsement deal.

Best Armourer:

Albert Smithy for Red Dawn

Red Dawn takes another one for Best Armourer or Best Person Who Knows About Guns And Weapons And Stuff. Albert introduced some sort of long rifle gun that looked pretty cool and of course several of those rapid fire short bad guy guns too.

Best Greensman:

Bud Budsman for Brave
Normally a Greensman handles plants and trees for live action movies, but the scenery was so impressive on this computer animated cartoon that the award goes to the guy who waters the plants in Bob Iger’s office, who is the head of Disney.

Best Boom Operator:

John Strickman for 21 Jump Street

This is the guy that swings that big drop down microphone just out of reach of the camera’s eye. You would think that they could just get a robot or something to do this, but no…it’s still a union job. This is a hard category to vote on since everyone pretty much does the same adequate job…so it usually goes to the snappiest dresser.

Best Best Boy Grip:

Nicole Johns for Safe House

Normally this is not an Oscar winning category, but since the position is called: Best Boy Grip, someone pointed out that it would be funny to have a Best Best Boy Grip. Because then you can say best twice and snicker. Then someone else said it would be funny to make a woman win the Best Best Boy Grip. Nicole won because she was the only woman Best Boy Grip.

Best Limo Driver:

Jake “The Demon” Cutford for Battleship

Jake “The Demon” Cutford successfully drove a cranky Liam Neeson to the set of Battleship for 4 months without one accident or speeding ticket…but then again, so did all the limo drivers. Basically all the driver’s names are put into a hat and the winner is randomly drawn.

Best Personal Assistant To A Celebrity:

Shasha Binker for Resident Evil Retribution

Shasha is the Personal Assistant to Michelle Rodriguez and had to endure a gruelling six month shoot of hearing, “I’m more talented than this movie!” and “I wish I lasted longer on LOST!” Shasha is a new comer to the Personal Assistant business and graduated from London’s prestigious Snooty Butler Academy.

We ran out of room to tell you about the other winners, but they include the following categories:

Best Nipple Tweaker
Best Proof Reader
Best Entourage
Best Yes Man
Best Over Actor Male
Best Over Actor Female
Best Actor You Know From That TV Show Who Made A Two Second Appearance In The Movie But You Can’t Remember Their Name Or The Name Of The TV Show
Best Movie Trailer (In A Theater)
Best Movie Trailer (For An Actor To Live In Temporarily While Shooting The Movie)
Best Oscar Parody (Not even nominated.)

My Simplistic Review Of The Movie: Brave

Being a family of six, it’s a rarity that we go to the actual movie theater to watch a movie. It just costs way to much. So when it came to an unusual Saturday night when it was just me and the Toddler, we decided to go see Disney/Pixar’s Brave.

I got a free popcorn from my movie rewards card and purchased a small and medium soda which came to $10. I was at the Target earlier in the day where I could have purchased 4 twelve packs of soda for $11. Which means….for one dollar more I could have purchased 46 more sodas.

Who says movie theaters charge an arm and a leg for concessions?

I don’t feel ripped off at all.

The movie wasn’t what I expected, but then again, I didn’t know what to expect. All I knew is that some red headed chick shot arrows. My knowledge was based solely on the packaging of the doll the Toddler wanted me to buy her the last time we went to the store.

Daddy, I want this!

The plot was the same old princess-is-suppose-to-marry-some-prince-who-she-doesn’t-want-to-marry-so-she-decides-to-rebel-in-some-way story.

This movie is Scottish in theme, so the princess had to choose between three Scottish clans. One of the Scottish clans had the blue war paint from Braveheart, the Mel “I hate Jews” Gibson movie, and the prince looked like the actor, Adrien Brody.

Copyright Disney/Pixar

Copyright Adrien/Brody

This another one of the suitors.

Who was modeled after actor Jack Busey…I think.

The third suitor I couldn’t find a picture of…

Anyway…

The princess turns her mother into a bear through a magic spell from a witch in the woods. This spell originally was just suppose to change her mother’s mind about forcing her to marry Adrien Brody or one of the other two goof balls. The witch was very vague about the spell. The red head should have seen it coming. Maybe she had never seen a Disney movie before?

You can figure out the rest the rest of the story, I’m sure.

I will say I was fascinated by the job they did on the princess’ red curly hair. It was incredible. I mostly focused on that the whole entire movie.

I’m thinking I should have sprung the extra couple of dollars to see this hair in 3D. This picture does not do it justice at all.

Some lady that sat next to us in the movie theater laughed loudly through the whole movie, even at parts that weren’t particularly that funny. I think she was a “plant” by Disney to…you know…start a laugh orgy so that everyone was brainwashed into thinking it was funnier then what it was.

All in all, I thought it was funnier then what it was…see what that laughing lady just did there…

Fans of Pixar movies know that John Ratzenberger is in every single one. I didn’t know what part he played in Brave, I didn’t hear his voice…which is pretty distinct.

Apparently he plays a guard named Gordon. I didn’t know until I read it in the closing credits.

Is it worth taking the kids too? Sure…

…or you could wait until BluRay/DVD combo comes out as well.

***Spoiler Alert***

My favorite part of the movie is where the princess is locked in her room and the only person who has the key is this heavy set woman with lots of cleavage, whom periodically appears here and there. Some sort of nanny maybe, or cleaning woman, or Aunt…I don’t know for sure what her job is…Anyway, she hides the key between her breasts, and one of the princess’ brothers dives into her shirt to retrieve the key and rescue the princess.

Best rescue. Ever.

***Spoiler Alert 2***

I saw a preview for The Hobbit. It didn’t look that great.