Tag Archives: Bigfoot

Search Terms Story or Funny Or Not Here I Come

18 Jun

I enjoy reading the blogs were people list the terms that WordPress picked up from the search engines. It always makes me chuckle. I like to use the word chuckle sometimes.

For the non-WordPress community, these are a list of words and phrases that  people have plugged into a Search Engine, that will populate your blog in the results.

It looks something like this…

I thought I would try something a little different by using these terms to write a story. I picked the terms used in the story randomly from a list of 165 words/phrases.

The terms WordPress found will be in bold.

—–

The Prince of Orlando and Bigfoot were sitting around one day playing quarters into a big red solo cup. When suddenly out of the dark hallway appeared a Jedi Zombie, and under his arm he carried a funny gay adoption baby. 

The Prince was pissed. Bigfoot had never seen the Prince so pissed before, except the time that Bigfoot interrupted him during his favorite cooking nsfw show.

Bigfoot!” the Prince screamed. “Who is this star wars porn ass that interrupts our breakfast club?!”

Bigfoot looked at the Prince dumbfounded.

“How am I to know?” Bigfoot replied and shrugged his shoulders.

The Jedi Zombie put the funny gay adoption baby down on the floor and then he ran his fingers through his Hulk Hogan mustache.

“Forgive me, my Prince,” the Jedi Zombie began. “I was sent on a quest from the great and powerful Cosplayer Girl Dog. She handed me this flyer and a map and told me I was to find you. Well, my quest started off fine, until my map fold did me in. I spent three long, grueling years traveling in the wrong direction. It wasn’t until I stumbled upon the Night Women window, that I realized my fatal mistake. I knocked on the window and one of the Night Women took pity on me. She took my map and placed it in a book candleholder. I had never seen such a device, nor would I ever think to combine a book and a candle holder into one contraption, but hey…what did I know…I was three years off course, right?  She waved her hands over the book candleholder and said some words in a tongue I have never heard before. Then she looked straight into my soul and said,

Ice Cube the look…you have it.’

She collapsed into my arms. When she came too, she said,

‘I have read all the dumb stupid signs. Igloos and Eskimos will point the way to your destination. If you find yourself lost again, just utter the douche word and I will help you.’

I thanked her by having wife animal sex with her and three of her Night Women window  sisters. This made people angry and I made post haste here. And now I hand this flyer to you, my Prince.”

The Prince took the flyer and opened it up and read it:

April 23, 2006

Appearing one night only!

The World Famous

Set Fire to the Rain Comic

Featuring His Special Brand of

T-Rex humor

Free to all Princes and Bigfoots

 “Well, ain’t that a shame. It was six years ago. We missed the show. And it was free,” sighed the Prince.

“Sorry,” replied the Jedi Zombie.

“No problem,” said the Prince and smiled. “Guards! Lock up this Jedi Zombie and kill him in the morning and find someone to take care of that funny gay adoption baby.”

And the Prince and Bigfoot went back to their game of quarters.

The End

 
 

Bigfoot Walks Into A Bar

20 Feb

 Bigfoot walks into a bar, grabs the nearest bar stool, and sits down. The bar tender and damn near everyone else in the bar looks at Bigfoot in shock. Bigfoot suddenly gets that weird feeling that people and Bigfeet alike get when suddenly a group of drunks (or anyone for that matter) are starring at them. Bigfoot swivels around on his bar stool, and stares back at the bar patrons. Everyone in the bar averts there eyes quickly to try to hide the fact that they were just staring at the Bigfoot. Bigfoot sighs and says,
“Can’t a Bigfoot get a drink in peace around here without everyone boring a hole in his back with their eyes?”
The bar tender clears his throat and says,
“Well Mr. Foot sir, quite frankly people are not used to seeing someone of your sort walk into this here bar in that condition.”
“Oh!” Bigfoot says much, much too loud. “What does that mean? My sort? Are you saying this fine town has a problem with people of my sort?! Because I have lawyers, man! Are you saying I’m not welcomed in this bar?”

“Um, no…” stammered the bar tender. “You see the problem is…”

“What?! I’ll tell you what the problem is!” screamed Bigfoot. “You don’t like my kind in your bar! Your prejudice against Bigfoots, because I’ve seen Unicorns being served here…I’ve seen the Loch Ness Monster in here, Vampires, Chupacabras, Demons, Dragons, Swamp Cabbage Man, Dane Cook, Aliens, Zombies, Mothman, the Jersey Devil…and when I come strolling in, suddenly everyone has an issue. My lawyers are going to sue the pants off of each and everyone of you!”

“Well, that’s the problem Mr. Foot sir, you’re not wearing any pants and that’s against state code for me to serve you without the proper attire on,” the bar tender replied.

“Oh!” said the Bigfoot, his face turning a little red. “That’s an entirely different story all together! My apologies.”

Bigfoot quickly gets up and walks out of the bar, but on the way out he does ask several of the lady patrons if they “likes what they sees.”

Protected: Zombie Troubles

6 Aug

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