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The Over The Line Show with Special Guest: Kevin Spacey

4 Jun

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On Today’s Show:

Special Guest: Actor Kevin Spacey from House of Cards:

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Jack and Joe talk to Kevin Spacey who rose to stardom in the ’90s with the films; The Usual Suspects (1995) and Se7en (1995). Other notable films include LA Confidential, American Beauty, Beyond the Sea, and Superman Returns. In addition to film acting, Spacey also is a film producer, director and writer, and a well-respected theater actor. Most recently, you can catch him on the hit Netflix show; House Of Cards.

Kevin talks about his recent documentary, Now In The Wings of A World Stage which chronicles the international tour of Shakespeare’s Richard III in 12 cities, over three continents in just 10 months time,

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Listen to the Show Here:

You can download the episode or listen on the Podomatic App here: http://longawkwardpause.podomatic.com/entry/2014-05-29T16_19_19-07_00

Official PauseCast Page: http://longawkwardpause.podomatic.com/

iTunes Link: Listen Here

You can contact Jack or Joe for topic…

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LAP Investigates: The Ice Cream Shoppe

31 May

issue #7

Here at LAP, we keep our finger on the pulse of all the latest controversies and sources of political discord. Perhaps the most significant and polarizing issue facing the modern world has come to a head recently, and in an unprecedented exposé, we’ve gone undercover at the very source of the conflict—no, not Ukraine—the local ice cream shoppe.

One weekend afternoon, when the weather was forecasted to be hot, but not so hot you want to take off all of your clothes and sit in the air conditioning like the Coca-Cola bear in his trailer on a fifteen minute break, LAP correspondents donned jorts and a tee shirt they didn’t care about spilling ice cream on and breached the ice cream shoppe fortress to get a first-hand look at cone prejudice.

Cone prejudice has been taking place in neighborhood ice cream parlors for decades, but with the pro-bowl pundits staking…

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LAP’s 12 Step Guide to Assembling Cheap Furniture

28 May

issue #7_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Knowing how to assemble cheap furniture is an important domestic skill that is often overlooked today.  It’s not as valuable as learning how to iron out the perfect pleat, or how to remove alcohol-enriched vomit stains from your microsuede, but it’s up there.

Please note that no matter what type of cheap furniture piece you decide to purchase, the assembly procedure will always require a minimum of 12 steps.  If you follow this how-to guide accurately, the procedure should end up being a complete pain in the ass.  That’s how you’ll know you did it right.

Estimated time to complete average assembly: 7 hours – 2 weeks.
Level of competency required: none – very little.

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Preassembly

After you’ve made your purchase, begin the preassembly stage by lugging the piece of shit into your living room, making sure to damage any walls and/or casual bystanders within close proximity to your…

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Kevin Spacey Pays It Forward During a Nacho Bar Interview

27 May

image Though known for being tight-lipped about his private life, earlier this month it became no secret Kevin Spacey loves Mexican food. So it was no surprise when the two-time ®Oscar winner chose to meet for our interview at a quiet table in the back of Casa de Papitas, or “House of Chips,” a Hollywood-area nacho bar nicknamed “The Mexican Brown Derby” because of its celebrity clientele. I crossed the busy dining area past the nacho bar, which was nearly depleted after a visit from Brad and Angelina’s family, and saw Spacey at a small table in an alcove taking a selfie with a Mariachi band member.

“Let’s see how much shit we can stir up with thisTweet, El Presidente,” said Spacey, who then motioned me over and stuck out his hand. “You must be from Long Awkward Pause.”

Admittedly star-struck, I only nodded.

“I figured as much…

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To Fedora Or Not To Fedora

16 May

Here at LAP, we like to consider ourselves good law-abiding citizens. Unless, of course, we are actually out having fun and not abiding by the law. All that aside, we have been intently following the story of recent mansion robberies in Southwest Florida. Not tensions in the Middle East or the deterioration of Social Security but a bunch of multi-million dollar home invasions in the state shaped like a penis.

Why?

Because ninjas.

Before you think us shallow, let us give you yet another reason why we found this story so intoxicating:

Ninjas wearing fedoras.

We’d also like to point out there was a $26,000 reward being offered by the FBI for any information that would lead to the robbers. 26 grand could certainly buy a lot of sock monkeys and Nutella.

Unfortunately for us, the trio of Ninja robbers has recently been captured and our dreams of rolling…

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Interview With A Snake Whisperer

14 May

I hop into John Everhart’s van.

No, he didn’t offer me candy. I kind of wished he did, because on the side of this particular van is a picture of John and a rather big, ugly Burmese Python. Over the picture in a font that probably predates the 1970’s  is the moniker; John Everhart Snake Whisperer.

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The back of the van is hollowed out and now holds floor to ceiling stacked wire cages, except in one corner where an emergency venom first aid station resides. Several long poles with hooks on the end hang over the cages. They look like something Captain Hook might use to play pool with, however later I learned these were simply called Snake Hooks and Scoops and that the Captain Hook joke didn’t make John laugh at all.

We were on our way to the sugar cane farms around the Everglades of Florida. The sugar…

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Divergent Star Shailene Woodley’s Shocking Confession

12 May

In a shocking confession that rocked the pop culture world, Shailene Woodley, star of the blockbuster film Divergent, revealed that she has suffered from a severe form of bodily disfigurement since childhood. The condition manifests with what many consider to be grotesque physical symptoms that include a slender physique, elongated limbs and a generous mane of hair.

“My whole life I’ve been so self-conscious about being skinny… My only real insecurities in high school were having such long legs and thick hair,” the actress revealed in an interview with Marie Claire last month.

Affecting roughly .000001 percent of American females, the clinical name for this rare and alarming disorder is everyonewannapokemetosis, but is more commonly known as SMS, or “supermodel syndrome.”

The photos below depict individuals afflicted with SMS. Please note, these images are disturbing in nature and may not be suitable for young readers.

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The staff at…

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Why Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four is the Biggest Dick Ever

10 May

The Marvel Universe is full of really, really smart people who then become super heroes. They are educated and empowered and use these amazing skills for the benefit of mankind – because that’s what you’re supposed to do with super-smarts and an iron suit made of weapons. By the way, all of these guys are insanely smart way before they acquire their super powers. For instance, Tony Stark is a genius inventor whose IQ has helped him turn his father’s millions into his own trillions, which allows him to wear the most sophisticated personal weapons system ever made as his pajamas. Peter Parker is on his way to earning a full ride scholarship to M.I.T before he gets bitten by a radioactive spider and invents a web shooter and webbing solution that are some of the strongest things on the planet. Bruce Banner is the smartest guy wearing purple pants…

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The Over The Line Show with Special Guest Tony Hale

8 May

Long Awkward PauseCast Presents:

Over the Line Banner copyWith Jack And Joe

Jack Jack

Joe Joe

On Today’s Show:

Special Guest: Actor Tony Hale from Arrested Development and Veep.
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Tony Hale is best known for his role in the comedy series Arrested Development as Byron “Buster” Bluth. Currently he plays Gary Walsh, the sycophantic personal aide to the vice president of the United States on the HBO comedy Veep, for which he won a 2013 Emmy Award for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series.

Tony Hale

Listen to the Show Here:

You can download the episode or listen on the Podomatic App here: http://longawkwardpause.podomatic.com/entry/2014-05-02T18_26_33-07_00

Official PauseCast Page: http://longawkwardpause.podomatic.com/

iTunes Link: Over The Line #5

You can contact Jack or Joe for topic suggestions or to be a guest HERE

You can download the podomatic app for your phone here:

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Nerdboy Dating 101

5 May

Here at Long Awkward Pause, we noticed that our dating advice is skewed primarily toward the female side of our readership. Always wanting to avoid a lawsuit take care of our loyal readers, we decided to try a piece from a male point of view. Unfortunately, most of the staff who pee standing up were busy with the exception of one… Rants. He agreed to stop whittling bullets out of scrap iron to take on this challenge.

Long ago when records were made of vinyl, socially-awkward men were banished to a lonely existence after being stamped with the ‘nerd’ label. In this dim time, the biggest challenge in dating came down to remembering to push your glasses up with the non-lotioned hand.

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Thanks in part to changing social forces and possibly an assist from the hipster movement, Nerdboys now have a chance of getting lucky in a way that involves…

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