The Sunshine State

Thank you for the feature. Go check a brother out…Brother John that is…

7 Reasons You Need to See Guardians of the Galaxy

Even though it made $94 million its opening weekend and your one friend who knows a little too much about the Marvel Universe has been begging you to see it, you may still be on the fence about shelling out ten bucks for a ticket and forty dollars on concession stand goods to see Guardians of the Galaxy. Your skepticism isn’t unreasonable, but if you don’t see Guardians of the Galaxy, you’re going to be that weird person at parties who people don’t know how to act around. You’ll be missing out on talking raccoons, Groot, and amazing music. Below are the only seven reasons you need to be convinced seeing Guardians of the Galaxy is absolutely necessary for pop culture survival.

1. Your deepest Star-Lord fantasies won’t seem so delusional.

Ever noticed how most Marvel heroes seem like the kind of douchebags who’d be ordering fancy craft beers at the bar with a pompous demeanor that…

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The Saturday Six: Provocative Doodles

 

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 David Jablow is a multi-media artist who took some suggestive mid-2oth century “doodle pads” and added his own creative flair to them.

Remember kiddies, this is back before internet porn.

This is what you call: Do-it-yourself-porn.

Hopefully you good at drawing…accessories.

What doodles could we add here? Why did we pick the most unattractive position for breasts to hang….and what is she retrieving? Some dropped car keys?

At least this position is a little sexier and you could give her robot hands if you so desired…and we know you do!

Below is the doodle we picked to feature on this week’s SS6 because of it’s endless possibilities for sexy doodling…and also the hair cut reminds us of Snow White. We like Snow White.

Happy Saturday!

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1. Doodle Provocative Ninja!

Omawarisan: “Everything was going well. None of them looked up. Not a one. And then, I fell.”

Ned: “And night after night, as the…

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Four Hot Rumors About iPhone 6

The release date for the iPhone 6, Apple’s latest iteration of its “must have” device, is approaching. The tech company is producing 70-80 million new phones to make sure they can meet the demand when it goes on sale this fall.

The hype over the new phone has started and rumors about its features are flooding the internet. But there is only one place on the net where you can find iPhone 6 rumors that are worth the paper they are printed on. You guessed it, Long Awkward Pause is your source for the best rumors on what you can expect when you reach the front of the line at the Apple Store.

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LAP advisory: In the event of a Sharknado, find the nearest catfish noodler

Yes, Minnesota, even you have reason to fear a Sharknado.

We all know it’s only a matter of time before “The Big One” hits the West Coast, probably somewhere in California first because, let’s face it, they get everything first. The aftershocks will then spread north along Oregon’s coastline, which is exactly where I happen to live. I’ve prepared myself for The Big One as best I can but the truth is: How much can you really prepare for a Sharknado?

Earthquake.
Tsunami.
Volcano.

No problemo.

But you’re going to need more than a survival kit of granola bars and toilet paper when faced with a giant tornado full of hungry Great White sharks. Although the toilet paper will probably come in handy.

What you need is someone who knows how to handle aggressive fish. Someone who isn’t afraid to reach inside its gaping jaws and show it who’s boss…

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The Over The Line Show #7 with Special Guests: Brooke Burns, Adam Baldwin, and Weird Al Yankovic

On Today’s Show:

Special Guests:

Brooke Burns: actress / model / host of “The Chase” on GSN and “Motor City Masters” on TruTV

Adam Baldwin:  actor / co-star of the new hit TNT series “The Last Ship

Musical Legend: Weird Al Yankovic

Listen to the Show Here:

You can download the episode or listen on the Podomatic App here: http://longawkwardpause.podomatic.com/entry/2014-07-17T09_59_58-07_00

Official PauseCast Page: http://longawkwardpause.podomatic.com/

iTunes Link: Listen Here

You can contact Jack or Joe for topic suggestions or to be a guest HERE

You can download the podomatic app for your phone here:

 

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MORE PLACES TO FIND LONG AWKWARD PAUSE:

Facebook: Long Awkward Pause

Twitter: @LongAwkPause

Tumblr: Long Awkward Pause Mag

Podcast: iTunes or PodOmatic

Would you like to see a topic discussed on LAP?  Click HERE.

 

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Hip To Be … –.- ..- .- .-. .

Sometimes ironic, sometimes retro-chic, hipsters are the compass that points our culture toward cool.

The horn rimmed glasses and skinny jeans have almost become the uniform of the mainstream, wanna-be hipster. Anyone wearing these is usually a poseur to the Nth degree or a model in a J. Crew ad. To keep themselves one step ahead of what society holds in high regard, hipsters often look towards the past to determine what is ironically fashionable.

This is how a hipster hitches a ride to Boston.

Today’s hipsters have traded in their iPods for old school cassette players. 52″ flat screen televisions are disdained in exchange for a 1972 Zenith Chromacolor. The Blu-Ray movies so sought after by others take a backseat to a thrift store-rescued VCR. The Wii? That’s been tossed aside for an Atari 2600. At a certain point, though, even these items become cool again to the mainstream. As a result, hipsters must find something else…

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Helpful tips for Southerners dealing with Fornicating Locust

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It’s June 2014, and that means a new generation of newlyweds in The South will be racing past family and friends while being showered with frantically mating cicadas. What are cicadas you ask? Think really big crickets.

No, think grasshoppers on steroids.

Actually, think “Hopper” from A Bug’s Life.

For those who haven’t experienced cicada season, it’s easy to imagine if you keep one thing in mind: For six weeks, wherever you go and whatever you do, you will be doing it within the general vicinity of at least 200 cicadas, each of which will be participating in something generally reserved for late night cable. To make matters worse, thousands of male cicadas will be attempting to attract disinterested females by repeating a series of deafening mating calls, which entomologists, after years of research, have finally translated to mean: hey baby hey baby hey baby…

Hey Baby! Hey…

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The Overly Attached Girlfriend Meme Turns Two Years Old!

Overly Attached Girlfriend is a meme featuring a screen capture from a webcam. The picture is of a girl and various captions portraying her in the stereotype of an overprotective and clingy girlfriend.

On June 6th, 2012, (the 68^th anniversary of the D-Day landings in Normandy) YouTuber wzr0713 uploaded a webcam video titled “JB Fanvideo” in which she performs a parody rendition of Justin Bieber’s latest single Boyfriend with personalized lyrics. At the time of the writing of this article, that video has 16.8 million views on YouTube. Please, go watch it, it’s about as entertaining as watching paint dry.

The next day (June 7^th) it was all over Reddit and another annoying meme was born!

Once again the internet in a spectacular example of mirroring the lack of originality in Hollywood, the Overly Attached Girlfriend meme is nearly identical to an older meme series known as

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Daytime TV: Stealing Your IQ Points One Channel At A Time

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Occasionally I leave the office and eat my lunch at home. I get to spend an hour away from the LAP compound (where the microwave still hasn’t been repaired since Chowderhead’s famous Chef Boyardee incident) [Editor’s Note:  it was a faulty fuse], plus I get the added bonus of catching a few minutes of daytime TV.

Sometimes though, no matter how many times you change the channel, daytime TV makes you stupider by the minute.

– POWER ON –

“…and our guest today is 20-year-old Janet, a mother of seven, who is here today to confront her cheating boyfriend and ask him once and for all if he has…”

– CLICK –

“…poor credit, no credit, or bad credit? No problem! Come on down to Wacky Jerry’s Used Car Emporium and we’ll get you on the road! Visit Wacky Jerry, and before you know it you’ll be…”

– CLICK…

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