I work with this lovely young woman named Guadeloupe. Whenever I run into her, I like to ask her a random questions. When I do this, she always stops, looks at me funny, and says,
“You ask the weirdest questions!”
Then she thinks a moment, and answers my question!
It’s hilarious.
(Sometimes the questions spark debate amoungst other coworkers. That’s even more hilarious!)
Here are some of the questions I have asked of her:
If you were reincarnated, would you rather come back as a bowl or a plate?
Would you like to star in your own novel about horses?
Which is larger…sliced bread or toast? Remember this could be a trick question!
Do you think candlelight is more romantic at 8 o’clock or 8:15?
If you were stuck watching one TV show for the rest of your life, you would rather watch a show about camels or dwarfs? You must pick one. And why?
Which spice would be the toughest in a fight, cayenne or curry?
If it’s true that the Freaks come out at night, what do you think they do in the day? Besides sleep?
Do you think that Hakuna Matata did indeed become a passing craze?
Would you bail the Easter Bunny out of a jail if he asked you too? How about his cousin?
Which finger would be cooler to have a cell phone implanted into too…the pointer or the pinkie?
If you were stuck in the middle of the ocean, with no food or water, on a raft made of Cheez-it crackers, would you be tempted to eat it?
If you lived in an animated world, would you feel handicapped by the fact you now have only four fingers instead of five? What if you had yellow skin?
If ponies ruled the world, do think oats and barley would be as popular as Italian food?
If penguins and ostriches went to High School together, do you think they would make fun of each other?
Thank you, Guadeloupe for always being a good sport.
Christopher De Voss 
U are terribly funny!
Sent from my Fab Phone!! JW
>
Thank you! Sent from my Fab Computer!! CD
I see you like my iphone tag line 😉
I do! Very nice!
She would probably have the cell phone implanted in her middle finger just ‘cuz. 🙂
What were some of her answers?
Um, I don’t remember most of them. This is over the span of a year. I think she choose bowl over plate, and no, she would not like to be featured in a novel about horses…even if it was a romance novel…not romancing the horses, just romantic in nature.
I can’t tell you how hard I laughed at your questions!!! I live to ponder random, “philosophical” simple shit like that. Google Molson Canadian beer labels…they used to put these type questions on them and it sparked many interesting and pretty funny conversations amongst my crew of friends. BTW I would definitely have a phone implanted in to my pinky finger. I drink wine like a snob with my pinky out so it would just work better for me. And absolutely yes…I would eat my cheese it boat because those things are my crack rock.
Hahaha! I will check that out! Hopefully Santa brings you some Cheez-its for Christmas…if you have been a good girl!
Actually, candlelight is more romantic at 8:07! 🙂
Why? (bet you were not expecting that!)
Ha! I don’t know you yet but I should have guessed based on your questions that you would follow up my comment with a question! I just think 8:07 sounds more romantic. 🙂
Gotcha. Let me throw this out there… How about 8:08? Just because of how it rolls off the tongue.
You have a point. I’m feeling very romantic right now after repeating 8:08. Thanks for that! 🙂
Oh good. Me too. You’re welcome.
Here’s one she’s sure to get wrong….”Did Yankee Doodle name the feather, hat, town, or his pony, Macaroni?”
Mind blown!
Ha, you sound like my oldest son. He’s always asking ridiculous questions like that. The other day on the drive to school, he said, “What if dinosaurs were still around, and we had one named Bob?” Um…okay.
By the way, I’d watch a show about dwarfs over camels any day…
Me too… And what if?
I hope your next post has the answers because Google is not doing it for me.
Google can be bitchy.
These all sound like story problems, and I’m not good at story problems. They are definitely problems though. Poor Guadelupe…
At least they are not math problems.
I’m feeling slightly nauseous.
Funny questions and yay that she plays along. Work is so stressful. Comic relief helps.
That’s so true!
I think the only thing weirder than your questions is the fact that I caught myself answering them as I read them…
Would you like to star in your own novel about horses? ‘that depends would I be a person or a horse?’
Which spice would be the toughest in a fight, cayenne or curry? ‘definitely cayenne because it would burn the eyes and nose…’
Do you think that Hakuna Matata did indeed become a passing craze? ‘absolutely only now it’s called YOLO’
and on and on…
Good answers! You would do well at this game.
she is a wonder.
Aren’t we all…
Cayenne pepper kicks ass!
Seems to be the consensus…
Yellow skin and four fingers. I knew a smoker like that once.
Did they record themselves singing wheels on the bus?
I’ll get back to you on that.
These sound like good, therapeutic questions for the participants in my group therapy session I run every Thursday. I might tweak them a bit…”Which is more romantic, having a meltdown at 8 or 8:15?” “Which is bigger, one tablet of Thorazine or a Thorazine broken in two?”
Feel free. I would be honored.
Can I send ’em your way if they try to kill me?
Sure! I’ll take them to Disney.
Chris, those are all questions that could spark a lot of discussion! You must have a lot of fun at work! I like the spice question. Now, I’ve never ever considered this. Cayenne, of course…I would say.
But too much curry is deadly!
I think these questions are entirely relevant and each require a considered response from her.
That’s why you rock!
Most kind of you to say so sir!
Those questions remind me of our Director of Development. He’d sometimes be embroiled in a very passionate debate with somebody. About work? No, about things like, if teleportation were real, would you take part in it? My initial reply was, “It depends on the method of teleportation.” If it destroyed you and then recreated you at the other end from an atomic all-you-can-reform buffet, I’d refuse, If your disintegrated matter was physically moved to the new location, then reformed in your last quantum state, I’d consider it. Maybe.
Also: cayenne would win.
That cayenne question isn’t as easy as people think and never trust teleportation!
Everyone needs at least one Guadeloupe in their life to play along. By the looks of your comments you have several. You are blessed.
Bread is bigger (it shrinks in the toaster), I would watch the Dwarf show (I don’t like spit), my pinky finger for the phone (I use my pointer finger to much), it would depend on the crime for bailing out the Easter Bunny or his cousin. I can do cayenne but curry would kill me so curry is the toughest to me. I would be eating the raft, I am addicted to those crackers.
Thank you for realizing the potential of curry!
she Must Secretly Love You. Great Random Questions Although They Are Weird. But Fun! And Curry Wins For Me. I Love Curry And Have Been The Unlucky Recipient Of My Own Heavy Handedness. Caps Not My Fault. Phone.
Haha! No Problem! Thank You!
You’re too funny! 🙂
Chris – just started following your blog…….funny stuff! Could you please blog Guadeloupe’s answers to your thought-provoking questions? I’d be curious to see if she fell for the “which is larger – toast or sliced bread?” question. Cuz – if you put a topping on the toast (butter, pb, whatever), toast would be thicker. I’ve spent most of the morning thinking about that perplexing question and it is a damn good one.
Oh thank you! I’ll have to try and remember. These have been collected over the course of a year. The toast debate is a good one!
I’ve awarded you the Blog of the Year Award 2013! (Forgive me if I’ve awarded you before and you declined, it’s hard to keep track of). There’s no obligation to accept, I understand completely if you don’t. Anyway, thanks for liking posts on my blog “The Journal of Wall Grimm.” I appreciate your coming by. For details about the award, please see my post http://wp.me/p41c99-oB Happy Holidays and have a peaceful and prosperous New Year! Sage
Happy Holidays back at you! Thank you!
You’re welcome!
These are not for Guadeloupe. These are for you. I have been reading your blog this evening, and dig it muchly. If I’m lucky, you’ll visit me, although I have no funny questions. But there are strippers and heroin and a horrific pregnancy.
Questions:
1. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
2. If it goes without saying, why say it?
3. Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni? That’s just stupid.
Thanks for having a funny, funny blog.
I like strippers, however I will check out your blog because you have the same name as the ghost from my favorite horror movie; The Ring.
You and Le Clown referenced the exact same thing, so now I automatically love you. Because he is Magnificent, and also a friend.
I look like her, only a little more dead.
Purely coincidental. Le Clown and I seem to pop up together now and then, but I think if we were at a cocktail party it would be one of those stiff nods of the head to each other and then mingle somewhere else. However if you enjoy Le Clown things, I wrote this piece a long time ago when he was having a contest to be on his blogroll:
https://chrisdevoss.wordpress.com/2012/09/02/the-le-clown-blogroll-hunger-games/
Well, you are both effing hilarious, and Superstars.
I like funny bloggers. I find them and read them and follow them. But I expect the same, sir. At least occasionally. I am a lowly newbie, but I seek out the best and funniest for inspiration, and that’s the truth.
I will most certainly read this, but I have a lot of your blog to read already. Pass the RedBull and adderall.
Cool!
I’m curious what she answered. These are great questions: I know since as I was reading them I was thinking of answers for them all. (by the way, I wouldn’t touch a raft of Cheez-its: I’d rather starve to death, although if my wife was there too, we’d quickly be swimming.)
Women love the Chez-It. It’s a fact.