Me: What should I write about?
Seven Year Old: NOTHING!…The Night Before Christmas!….Duffy!…I DON’T KNOW! I’m out! Wait! Watch me jump rope!
*grabs jump rope and jumps for three seconds*
Daddy, I want a phone for Christmas! Can I go play with Whitney? I’m hungry. Can I have some Oreos? Do you know what? I liked Frozen. Do you know what my favorite part of the movie was? When she was knocking, and the snowman said, ‘Is she going to knock? She probably doesn’t know how too.’ That was funny. Here is a fake lemon. Don’t eat it, it’s fake. Can I watch TV? Is Dog with a Blog on? When’s Christmas? Do I have to go to school tomorrow? Fa la la la la LA LA LA! I like spaghetti. Can we have spaghetti for dinner. Where is Mommy? MOMMY! Oh, there’s Mommy. Mommy, Mommy, Mommy. Mommy, can we have spaghetti for dinner? Let’s play restaurant. What do you want to order? We have Fruit Salad and Fruit Cocktail. The Fruit Salad has a lot of strawberries in it and the Fruit Cocktail only has a little bit of strawberries in it. I like Fruit Salad. Can I play on the Playstation? Whitney has the new XBox. XBox is a funny word. When’s dinner? Can we have Fruit Salad for dinner? Watch me jump rope!
*grabs jump rope and jumps for two seconds*
I want some yellow pants. Will you buy me some yellow pants? Whitney has yellow pants. Do you know what’s funny? Chocolate mousse! How can a moose be chocolate? I like Skittles. Mommy likes Sour Patch Kids and you like Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups. Why do you like zombies? I hate zombies! I hate math. Do you know what would be a yummy? Chocolate moose cupcake! But don’t get the antlers suck in your mouth! HAHAHAHA! What do you think Grandma is doing right now? Watch me jump rope!
*grabs jump rope and throws it across the room*
HAHAHAHA! Daddy! The screen on your computer is still blank! Why aren’t you writing anything? You could write about my Furby! He is funny! He has no batteries. I need batteries. Daddy, why are you holding your head in your hands? Do you have a headache? I once had a headache. Hey, my tooth is loose! Look, Daddy! Look at my loose tooth!
*wiggles tooth*
Daddy, are you going to write anything? The screen is still blank. That line thing keeps blinking. Daddy, why did you put your head on the keyboard? HAHAHAHA! You wrote a bunch of D’s with your head! DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD! I can write the word Dog and Cat and Toe….
Daddy?
Are you going to write something?
Christopher De Voss 
Now the entire world can feel my pain. She never stops. I’m not even sure how she can possibly have so much energy, she never sleeps.
You gave birth to a robot.
That is what she seems to be
I think when I have kids they’re going to skip ages 2-18.
No! Four is fun! Just skip the school years.
4 is fun?! Either I’m doing it wrong or you got VERY lucky!
I got lucky. Four times.
Ok, so apparently, I was unlucky twice…damn it! 😉
Ah, the memories. Mine is now an adult and when she talks, she always has a point. Usually one that I miss. Or is that just me getting old?
Wait. Don’t answer that.
My oldest is almost 17. And always right. When did I get so dumb?
Well, at least you get variety. From my sons, I get: “Poop. Butt. Anus. Penis. Pubes.” And so on, and so on…
I got two boys as well. Instead of that, they try to pun each other. Makes me proud!
Chris, I laughed so hard at this! A mile a minute your child, and mine are like this too! It’s amazing we ever get anything written, huh? Your child is hilarious. I like the chocolate moose cupcake bit. Don’t the eat the antlers!! How many kids do you have, Chris? (reading comments above…)
4! 16-7. How many do you have?
I have two (10 and 7). Do you have four? Three? I’m a little confused, Chris. I’m thinking you have three that are 16, 7, and 4. Am I right?
Four. 16, 15, 13, and 7
Oh, okay! Wow…three teenagers!!! You have your hands full, don’t you?
Haha! (help)
You would be hard pressed to find such inspiration anywhere else. Now if you could figure out a way to bottle that energy and market it you would be golden.
Right!
I thought you were talking to my granddaughter there for a second. 🙂
You have my sympathies.
chris – i totally followed this as i teach kindergarten and understand many languages and styles of speech. )
You must be a saint.
I’m relating . . . my 9-year-old also speaks overdrive. I love the enthusiasm, but never realized listening was such an exhausting activity.
It is. So. Very. Much.
This reads kind of like James Joyce. And I think your daughter would be awesome at filibustering.
Oh no! A politician in the family.
My 8yo is like this, except he’s a boy so it’s more about Ninjago, farts, and video games.
What’s Ninjago? A dance style for Ninjas?
Lego Ninjas…they’re toys to buy, video games to play, and episodes to watch on Netflix…over and over again…
I see…
This is awesome. My nephew turns 7 in 11 days. He and your daughter better never meet up or heads will start exploding. There is no off button, lol.
Haha!
Sounds fun! 😉
Sometimes…
Brought back some wonderful memories…all that becomes wonderful when their grown and have children of their own…then you get to laugh
I can’t wait!
You’ll miss this time of their lives except the 12 to 16 those ages suck 🙂
I have a couple of those too
Have you thought of running away?
LOL oh man, I have had conversations like this with kids!!!!!!! Awesome post.
Thank you!
Welcome to my world!
Haha! I share your pain.
It’s even more fun when your 10 year old sits next to you and says, “read me Clown on Fire! Does he say balls today?? Read me Jen and tonic! The one where she farts in her trainers face!
I just have to bring him into my life. It’s much easier than learning how to dance the Ninjago.
Your ten year old is cool!
Please don’t tell him that. He already thinks he’s a rock star. He’s walking around the house, his jeans slung low, packing two light sabers.
Weird. Me too.
So you’re into the whole Star wars thing, huh? I should have guessed.
May the Schwartz be with you!
Sort of…