George Clooney Admonished Me

15 Oct

I was super excited to be invited to the Press Screening of the movie: Gravity. This wasn’t opening night, mind you, this was a limited screening that the movie reviewers, radio personalities, social media gurus, and local celebrities get to go too.

I really haven’t reached any of those statuses yet, I just think someone canceled and a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend recommended me, right after Appliance Direct Infomercial Guy turned them down.

White Porcelain! White Porcelain! I am now a member of the cult White Porcelain!

Regardless, I was honored to be included. My name was even on a list. I was supposed to go up to the Clipboard Guy and tell him my name (if he didn’t already recognize me) and he was supposed to say,

“Hello, Mr. De Voss, Mrs. De Voss…so glad you could join us for George Clooney’s new movie. I’m sure George is very anxious to hear what you think. He has been texting me to see if you have arrived yet. I’ll let him know you are here.”

And I would say,

“Thank you my good man….(Super Famous People and/or Super Rich People and/or Characters From Boardwalk Empire say this to strangers) …be sure to let George know I’m here and that you can start the film now. By the way, is the popcorn free too?”


None of that happened, because of course…I read the email wrong.

Yup. I’m an idiot.

In the body of the email it said to be there on Sept 29th at 7:30 in order to check in with the Clipboard Guy…but I didn’t pay attention to that. I paid attention to the graphic at the top of the email instead:


I looked at the opening date of 10-4-13 instead.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo, needless to say….I missed the special Press Only screening. Instead of watching the movie that night I was probably eating Tacos in my underwear and screaming at the 7 year old to stop playing Sinking Submarine.*

One of the stipulations of myself and a guest being invited to the advanced screening was that I was supposed to tweet my thoughts about the movie. I got an email from Klout, who setup the whole thing, saying,

“Um, hey…yeah…hate to bug you and all…but remember that super cool press screening we got you into…you know the free one where you can rub elbows with local celebrities and media people…you know the exclusive one…where all you had to do was talk about it on Twitter…yeah…just wondering if you might find the time to…you know…do that!”

Whaaat?! I said in my mind. That was supposed to be on the 4th, how could I tweet about something I haven’t seen yet?! I may take free stuff from strangers on Twitter in exchange for them reaching a bigger audience, but I’ll be damned if I am giving a pre-determined five star rating to a movie that I haven’t seen yet!

I double checked the email where I realized my mistake.

Damn, I was super disappointed! I missed my free movie. I missed rubbing shoulders with the pregnant Channel 6 News Lady. I missed yelling at the Candy Counter Teen for my free popcorn.

I also missed my obligation to tweet the movie…which means I will probably miss future opportunities for free movies.

So I quickly sent these tweets:



I know…I lied…I didn’t see the movie…but it’s George Clooney and Sandra Bullock…how bad could it be?

Almost immediately after sending these tweets off, I get a call from George Clooney himself:

George: Chris! How’s it going?

Chris: George Clooney?! Wow! Awesome. How did you get my number?

George: Don’t worry about that. Hey, I just saw your tweets about my new movie; Gravity…opening Oct 4th everywhere. Thank you for the nice tweets. I’m glad you liked it.

Chris: Um, it was really good, I…uh…really…uh…liked it…a lot.

George: Really? What was your favorite scene?

Chris: My favorite scene?

George: Yes, Chris. What was your favorite scene?

Chris: Oh…uh…the part where you guys where in space…yeah…

George: The whole freaking movie takes place in space. Can you be more specific?

Chris: Yes! Yes of course! Um, I like the part…um…where one of you guys was stuck to the arm of the Space Shuttle thingy, and it..uh…broke and then you floated off into space…super scary!

George: You mean the part from the trailer?!

Chris: Hahaha! That was in the trailer?! I didn’t know that…

George: You didn’t see the movie did you?

Chris: Hey, have I ever mentioned how good you where in O Brother Where Art Thou?

George: Did you?

Chris: No. I wanted to so bad, but I got the dates wrong.

George: I know. I didn’t see you at the after party, so I was wondering why you would skip that…and it occurred to me that you didn’t go to my movie and then tweet-lied about it.

Chris: Well, yes George, but I wanted to go! I did! I was worried about not being invited to another one, so I did tweet-lie…I did!

George: You owe me an apology!

Chris: For? I gave it a good review!

George: You missed my movie and then tweet-lied about it!

Chris: Really? Are you serious George?

George: I am serious!

Chris: Ok, you’re right. I’m sorry I missed your movie and then tweet-lied about it.

George: Thank you.

Chris: And I’m sorry you had to date the lesbian on The Facts of Life TV show.

George: That’s enough…

Chris: And I’m sorry ER went on for 10 years successfully after you left…

George: You are on thin ice…

Chris: And I’m sorry Oceans 12…

George: You better not finish that sentence!

Chris: You are probably right. Sorry George.

George: *click*


*If you don’t already know, the game Sinking Submarine is a game where you stop up the bathtub and turn on the shower, thus allowing the tub to slowly fill with water, kind of like a submarine that has been hit by a torpedo in an old 70’s war movie.

48 Responses to “George Clooney Admonished Me”

  1. Mike is Happy October 15, 2013 at 11:30 AM #

    Bono told me George was going to call you. I think that’s how he got your number. Sorry, dude.

  2. silkpurseproductions October 15, 2013 at 11:38 AM #

    Oh Brother Where Art Thou! Brilliant movie. Loved it.
    Thou shalt not tweet lie. Lesson learned.

  3. lifeconfusions October 15, 2013 at 11:46 AM #

    Hahaha….Ah…I’m left Speechless after reading this! 😛

  4. Hippie Cahier October 15, 2013 at 12:08 PM #

    Oh, my good man. There, there.

    This is like that dream when you show up for the final exam and realize you haven’t been to a single class all semester. Except in the dream the popcorn is free and the Channel 6 news lady isn’t pregnant until after you rub shoulders.

    • Christopher De Voss October 15, 2013 at 12:12 PM #

      In my dreams the popcorn is never free and the ladies are always pregnant…

      • Hippie Cahier October 15, 2013 at 4:17 PM #

        Maybe switch to gluten-free after 4 p.m.?

  5. gingerfightback October 15, 2013 at 1:22 PM #

    You were in a tight spot!

  6. night owl October 15, 2013 at 1:27 PM #

    There are worse sins that faux-tweeting, even to George Clooney, I imagine.

    Like dissing the Appliance Direct guy. He’s arguably the most well known tv personality in Central Florida.

    I’ll be HE went to the screening……


    • Christopher De Voss October 15, 2013 at 2:16 PM #

      No. His wife’s knees hurt.

      • night owl October 17, 2013 at 7:02 PM #


      • Christopher De Voss October 17, 2013 at 10:23 PM #


      • night owl October 18, 2013 at 12:25 AM #

        No, no, no! You are not allowed to smile back at my smiley. My smiley i supposed to end the conversation. 🙂

      • Christopher De Voss October 18, 2013 at 7:26 AM #

        Sorry. My emoticon etiquette is bad.

  7. omawarisan October 15, 2013 at 2:35 PM #

    Clipboard guy would have tried to act like he didn’t recognize you. You’re better than that. It’s best you didn’t go.

  8. El Guapo October 15, 2013 at 2:56 PM #

    I got all excited during the setup because I really am curious if they try to bribe the reviewers with free snacks.
    And are they full sized snacks? Are they themed? Do you all get Gravity spacehip Hot Wheels vehicles?

    I guess now I’ll never know.
    Thanks Chris.


  9. lifeissarcasm October 15, 2013 at 5:47 PM #

    I haven’t seen it either yet. No zombies.

  10. The Bumble Files October 15, 2013 at 6:16 PM #

    I want to lie-tweet to George Clooney now. So, did you see the movie after all?! I wondered what you thought about it. Certainly, George gave you some free tickets, even if you lie-tweeted. I bet he would cool about it.

  11. Christa Thompson @ChristaTravels October 15, 2013 at 7:35 PM #

    Soooooo you eat tacos in your underwear and yell at kids? Good stuff. Where ya been ? I haven’t seen you around in a bit. 🙂

    • Christopher De Voss October 15, 2013 at 8:01 PM #

      In my good boxers. I’m just been buried lately. I need to catch up on your Halloween posts.

  12. Maddie Cochere October 15, 2013 at 11:18 PM #

    My mouth was hanging open as I read this. If I were your wife (insert joke here), I would get my rolling pin out and use it on your head for missing the screening. I read this earlier today, and I’m still flabbergasted tonight. But lie-tweeting was genius. You remain high on my blogger hero list.

  13. ohlidia October 16, 2013 at 10:31 AM #

    Oh no! That sucks! Hope you get invited to other movies regardless of the mess up with the dates. Good for you for lie-tweeting…George Clooney kinda bugs me.

    • Christopher De Voss October 16, 2013 at 10:58 AM #

      I will keep that a secret. I won’t tell George. He will be sad.

  14. GiggsMcGill Jill October 16, 2013 at 1:05 PM #

    Well if it makes you feel better, according to everyone I’ve talked to who’s seen the movie, your tweet-lie was techncially a tweet-truth. You just didn’t know it was the truth ^.^

    • Christopher De Voss October 16, 2013 at 3:38 PM #

      OK, good. I was worried I gave a great review to another Ocean’s 12.

  15. pieterk515 October 18, 2013 at 7:27 AM #

    I’m slightly pissed at you for allowing yourself to miss something this awesome. But here’s how you can fix it. Just tell me that the REAL star of the movie, Sandra Bullock, would not have been at the screening…Please tell me she wasn’t there in the first place, for if she was, and you missed it, so help me God…

    • Christopher De Voss October 18, 2013 at 7:37 AM #

      She wouldn’t have been at the screening in Orlando…does that help?

      • pieterk515 October 18, 2013 at 10:09 AM #

        Yes. The balance of the cosmos has been restored. I can sleep again and I can do so knowing that one of my favorite writers didn’t botch up the chance of getting a little personal with THE Sandra. George is slightly overrated by the way.

      • Christopher De Voss October 18, 2013 at 11:06 AM #


  16. G October 18, 2013 at 9:35 AM #

    So funny! Did you eventually see the movie?

    • Christopher De Voss October 18, 2013 at 9:47 AM #

      No, but I want to…probably wait until Redbox.

      • G October 18, 2013 at 9:49 AM #

        It was intriguing, but same here, red box intriguing.

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