Samsung, Sony, and Apple are all in the process of releasing a smart watch, because our sun tanned wrists are just begging for that albino skin patch to reappear when not wearing one.
The watch market has been declining rapidly over the last couple of years with everyone using their cell phones to keep time, as well as display the weather, play games, look at porn, and update Facebook…basically everything a watch can’t do.
The Contenders:
Samsung Galaxy Gear
Sony SmartWatch 2 (I think it’s a bad design for a watch if you have to hold it in your palm…wait…what? Oh, nevermind…that was just for this picture.)
The Apple iWatch released just minutes before the Apple iWatch 2 and 3 is unveiled.
Let’s take a minute and go down memory lane…remember the calculator watch?
How scientific!
Or the game watch?
If I remember right, it was as big as your head.
Or how about the WTF watch?
The watch for douche bags. You don’t know how to read it, but it gets people to notice you and then ask you how to read it. Which just makes you look at someone else’s watch for the correct time.
From the initial reports the smart watch has to work in conjunction with your phone, so I don’t really see the point. It let’s you know when you missed a phone call from the phone that most likely is in your pocket…ringing…or vibrating…or vibrating and ringing…or has a dead battery…
Changing the face of the watch using a Galaxy Note 3. (My next phone! Want!)
Moving on.
You can do what you might expect it to do, play music, update Facebook/Twitter, check email, view the weather instead of looking out the window…and take pictures. Some of the smart watches allow you to use it as a phone with a blue tooth headset on, and we all know how special the people who use those day in and day out look.
The camera on the Samsung version is in the wrist band so that you can take pictures while looking like a posed Power Ranger without the Power Ranger outfit. Actually I don’t know if you have the outfit on or not. I apologize for assuming the latter.
The watches will range in the $300 range which is a little pricey for a watch unless your a rapper.
I got your SmartWatch bitch! (Why do you suppose this picture is taken in the bathroom?!)
One advantage the traditional watch has over the Smart Watch, the traditional watch battery can last years, whereas the Smart Watch battery is hoping to get 26 hours.
One advantage the Smart Watch has over the traditional watch, technology is cool!
Christopher De Voss 
I wore a Timex wind-up watch when I was a kid. You get up in the morning and your first act is to wind the damned thing (generally at the same time you’re winding your alarm clock).. However, when the EM pulse hits I’ll be wanting that Timex back again. The ad for it used to say, “Timex. Takes a licking and keeps on ticking.” I’ll be wanting that Plymouth Fury III I traded in for a piece of crap Volare back again, too.
I was never a watch fan. I wore one briefly in High School because everyone else did. It was a Swatch knock off.
The expandable medal watch bands are notorious for grasping the hairs on your arm and pulling at them. Ouch.
Soon everything we have will be smart: watch, phone, underwear, earrings, socks. Everything but the users. Although at least our batteries last longer.
You know something, that was the original concept of this post and then I forgot that’s what I was doing and ended up with this. Ooops.
Thus heralding the age of when watches are used for everything but to tell time.
Seriously, what percentage of your phone time is actually used on calls?
Way back when, tehre was a QBert watch (and now I’ve dated myself) that had a little joystick that fit into a slot on the face. There was a clip for it built into the side of the watch for when it was not in use
And to think we thought that was high technology!
I remember those! I sucked at Q*Bert! In any form…
As did I.
(But I notice you spelled it’s name correctly!)
I took a chance, I thought that was how, but I honesty couldn’t remember. If it was wrong, I would have blamed it on my phone.
I never wore a watch, and I come from the day of wall clocks with hands (not real hands in case anyone born after the digital revolution was worried for a minute – we weren’t barbarians). Next thing you know they’ll make a smart phone/camera/watch/hair styler/photon torpedo launcher combo that they just inject into your ear canal.
Really? Where do I buy one?
If they can make a watch that has the ability to watch porn on it, just take all my money now
Seriously! Boobs!
Too bad they couldn’t invent a watch that actually makes people more intelligent.
THAT would be a cool watch…
And less rude too…
I love the WTF watch because I need more friends.
Don’t we all.
love the last pic, reminds me of those ‘cousins’ at a family picnic. i haven’t worn my watch in years so don’t know if i’d go back even for cool tech )
I’m thinking the same
I am so used to not wearing a watch now, I just can’t imagine wearing one! No, I’m not doing it. What they need to do is make your phone smaller, correct? Then, we’ll all need a tablet because we can’t read on anything smaller than a smartphone. Chris, I don’t think there’s any easy answer here!
I actually want to go bigger with my phone. The Galaxy Note 3 is in my sights. Otherwise I agree about the watch.
My first watch was a Mickey Mouse watch. I suppose a lot of them these days are actually kind of Mickey Mouse. One of my staff recentlyjustified carrying his cell phone in our cell-phone-free hospital by informing me that “nobody wears watches anymore.” He neglected to look at my wrist….
Great post!
Thank you. My Uncle treasures his Mickey Mouse watch, but then again, his is super expensive. He is old school.
Why is that last picture taken in the bathroom? I know I have lost focus of the topic of the blog but really? Every time I see a shot of a blinged out rapper dude (is it OK to use rapper and dude in the same description?) it is always taken in the bathroom. He’s got a fortune in ink as well. OK, I have to look away now.
Yeah, watches, technology, Galaxy Note 3…cool!
Rapper’s love bathrooms.
The last photo makes me want to be an Atlanta Falcons fan… even more. Good Lord. Appreciate the technical insights!
When it comes to Football, you will have to take my man card away. He is a football player?
I don’t think I’d go for a smart watch. My smart phone is annoying but it would be so much worse if it was stuck to my body!
Some people’s smart phones are!
You are absolutely hilarious. Looking forward to the live show {chuckle}
Been there, done that…didn’t end up so well…
{chuckle}…I understand. I understand
Sorry. Will never do a watch again.
I’m with ya!
Congratulations for the 2013 Nomination – Best Humor/Comedy blog or post.
Thank you! I am humbly honored!
Great post, Chris! Also: found another thing you can do with these silly smart watches. . .
-john
(Comment sent via Newfangled SmartWatch device)
I would reply with my smart watch but I’m too poor to have one.
You can make a pretend smart watch like I did!
Oh good idea! I’ll draw it on my wrist.
Please send a picture. Thanks! -Chris
Congratulations on winning the award, I haven’t laughed so much whilst reading a post in a long time. The post reminds me that I attended a Technology “event” earlier this year and not only did we have a guest speaker whose job description was “Futurist” – we all wish he was as funny as you are, but no – more importantly he had one of these crazy watches. I spoke to him after his talk and whilst he explained how cool his watch was and how clever he was to support that particular Kickstarter project, I wondered to myself why he paid so much, what, if any value he and his watch were adding to the world and wondered aloud why the text on the screen required a magnifying glass to read… thus requiring him to hold his wrist up to his own and other people’s faces in a most unmanly gesture. He mentioned that I should also become a speaker like himself… Thank goodness someone far taller and far more demanding arrived at that point to distract him so I slipped away before he figured out that I hated his watch and his job.
Haha, thank you! And that’s exactly what I imagine these watches to be…it’s like we are going backwards in technology…or just another attempt to Star Trek ourselves.
Congratulations on Winning the 2013 Best Humor/Comedy post @ Thepublicblogger Awards http://wp.me/p33yiN-1Gn
Thank you! I am very honored. I would like to thank all the little people that supported me. Seriously, little people hold me up, since I pinched the nerve in my back…
Technology is cool, my first watch was a yellow Snoopy and the timer was Woodstock. It took me forever to learn how to tell time because I was fascinated with that little yellow bird. My sister had a red Mickey Mouse watch. I think the smartest thing about the smart watch is that it actually tells time. Now if it had GPS and ability to teleport me to the nearest Wendy’s when I have a frostie craving, then sign me up yesterday!!! 😉
Weird…I think that’s in the next Android upgrade.
Hmmm I must investigate that! Wait, do you think I’m weird or the fact i want a teleporting smart watch? 😉
No. I think that’s perfectly expected.
Thank you I think so too. 😃