My Simplistic Review Of The Smart Watch

16 Sep

Samsung, Sony, and Apple are all in the process of releasing a smart watch, because our sun tanned wrists are just begging for that albino skin patch to reappear when not wearing one.

The watch market has been declining rapidly over the last couple of years with everyone using their cell phones to keep time, as well as display the weather, play games, look at porn, and update Facebook…basically everything a watch can’t do.

The Contenders:

Samsung Galaxy Gear

Samsung Galaxy Gear

Sony SmartWatch 2

Sony SmartWatch 2 (I think it’s a bad design for a watch if you have to hold it in your palm…wait…what? Oh, nevermind…that was just for this picture.)

The Apple iWatch just released just minutes before the Apple iWatch 2 and 3.

The Apple iWatch  released just minutes before the Apple iWatch 2 and 3 is unveiled.

Let’s take a minute and go down memory lane…remember the calculator watch?

How scientific!

How scientific!

Or the game watch?

If I remember right, it was as big head.

If I remember right, it was as big as your head.

Or how about the WTF watch?

The watch for douche bags. You don't know how to read it, but it gets people to notice you.

The watch for douche bags. You don’t know how to read it, but it gets people to notice you and then ask you how to read it. Which just makes you look at someone else’s watch for the correct time.

From the initial reports the smart watch has to work in conjunction with your phone, so I don’t really see the point. It let’s you know when you missed a phone call from the phone that most likely is in your pocket…ringing…or vibrating…or vibrating and ringing…or has a dead battery…

Changing the face of the watch using a Galaxy Note 3. (My next phone! Want!)

Changing the face of the watch using a Galaxy Note 3. (My next phone! Want!)

Moving on.

You can do what you might expect it to do, play music, update Facebook/Twitter, check email, view the weather instead of looking out the window…and take pictures. Some of the smart watches allow you to use it as a phone with a blue tooth headset on, and we all know how special the people who use those day in and day out look.

The camera on the Samsung version is in the wrist band so that you can take pictures while looking like a posed Power Ranger without the Power Ranger outfit. Actually I don’t know if you have the outfit on or not. I apologize for assuming the latter.

The watches will range in the $300 range which is a little pricey for a watch unless your a rapper.

I got your SmartWatch bitch!

I got your SmartWatch bitch! (Why do you suppose this picture is taken in the bathroom?!)

One advantage the traditional watch has over the Smart Watch, the traditional watch battery can last years, whereas the Smart Watch battery is hoping to get 26 hours.

One advantage the Smart Watch has over the traditional watch, technology is cool!

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52 Responses to “My Simplistic Review Of The Smart Watch”

  1. floridaborne September 16, 2013 at 8:48 AM #

    I wore a Timex wind-up watch when I was a kid. You get up in the morning and your first act is to wind the damned thing (generally at the same time you’re winding your alarm clock).. However, when the EM pulse hits I’ll be wanting that Timex back again. The ad for it used to say, “Timex. Takes a licking and keeps on ticking.” I’ll be wanting that Plymouth Fury III I traded in for a piece of crap Volare back again, too.

    • Christopher De Voss September 16, 2013 at 8:51 AM #

      I was never a watch fan. I wore one briefly in High School because everyone else did. It was a Swatch knock off.

      • floridaborne September 16, 2013 at 9:42 AM #

        The expandable medal watch bands are notorious for grasping the hairs on your arm and pulling at them. Ouch.

  2. David Stewart September 16, 2013 at 8:51 AM #

    Soon everything we have will be smart: watch, phone, underwear, earrings, socks. Everything but the users. Although at least our batteries last longer.

    • Christopher De Voss September 16, 2013 at 8:52 AM #

      You know something, that was the original concept of this post and then I forgot that’s what I was doing and ended up with this. Ooops.

  3. El Guapo September 16, 2013 at 8:56 AM #

    Thus heralding the age of when watches are used for everything but to tell time.
    Seriously, what percentage of your phone time is actually used on calls?

    Way back when, tehre was a QBert watch (and now I’ve dated myself) that had a little joystick that fit into a slot on the face. There was a clip for it built into the side of the watch for when it was not in use
    And to think we thought that was high technology!

    • Christopher De Voss September 16, 2013 at 9:02 AM #

      I remember those! I sucked at Q*Bert! In any form…

      • El Guapo September 16, 2013 at 9:03 AM #

        As did I.
        (But I notice you spelled it’s name correctly!)

      • Christopher De Voss September 16, 2013 at 9:06 AM #

        I took a chance, I thought that was how, but I honesty couldn’t remember. If it was wrong, I would have blamed it on my phone.

  4. C.K. Hope September 16, 2013 at 9:22 AM #

    I never wore a watch, and I come from the day of wall clocks with hands (not real hands in case anyone born after the digital revolution was worried for a minute – we weren’t barbarians). Next thing you know they’ll make a smart phone/camera/watch/hair styler/photon torpedo launcher combo that they just inject into your ear canal.

  5. messymarissa September 16, 2013 at 9:26 AM #

    If they can make a watch that has the ability to watch porn on it, just take all my money now

  6. The Hook September 16, 2013 at 9:47 AM #

    Too bad they couldn’t invent a watch that actually makes people more intelligent.
    THAT would be a cool watch…

  7. dental eggs September 16, 2013 at 11:23 AM #

    I love the WTF watch because I need more friends.

  8. ksbeth September 16, 2013 at 12:45 PM #

    love the last pic, reminds me of those ‘cousins’ at a family picnic. i haven’t worn my watch in years so don’t know if i’d go back even for cool tech )

  9. The Bumble Files September 16, 2013 at 7:37 PM #

    I am so used to not wearing a watch now, I just can’t imagine wearing one! No, I’m not doing it. What they need to do is make your phone smaller, correct? Then, we’ll all need a tablet because we can’t read on anything smaller than a smartphone. Chris, I don’t think there’s any easy answer here!

    • Christopher De Voss September 16, 2013 at 7:54 PM #

      I actually want to go bigger with my phone. The Galaxy Note 3 is in my sights. Otherwise I agree about the watch.

  10. Southern Sea Muse September 16, 2013 at 10:03 PM #

    My first watch was a Mickey Mouse watch. I suppose a lot of them these days are actually kind of Mickey Mouse. One of my staff recentlyjustified carrying his cell phone in our cell-phone-free hospital by informing me that “nobody wears watches anymore.” He neglected to look at my wrist….

    Great post!

    • Christopher De Voss September 16, 2013 at 10:16 PM #

      Thank you. My Uncle treasures his Mickey Mouse watch, but then again, his is super expensive. He is old school.

  11. silkpurseproductions September 17, 2013 at 11:20 AM #

    Why is that last picture taken in the bathroom? I know I have lost focus of the topic of the blog but really? Every time I see a shot of a blinged out rapper dude (is it OK to use rapper and dude in the same description?) it is always taken in the bathroom. He’s got a fortune in ink as well. OK, I have to look away now.
    Yeah, watches, technology, Galaxy Note 3…cool!

  12. Eric Tonningsen September 18, 2013 at 1:10 PM #

    The last photo makes me want to be an Atlanta Falcons fan… even more. Good Lord. Appreciate the technical insights!

    • Christopher De Voss September 18, 2013 at 2:55 PM #

      When it comes to Football, you will have to take my man card away. He is a football player?

  13. mala September 18, 2013 at 7:42 PM #

    I don’t think I’d go for a smart watch. My smart phone is annoying but it would be so much worse if it was stuck to my body!

  14. Kendall F. Person, thepublicblogger September 21, 2013 at 2:24 AM #

    You are absolutely hilarious. Looking forward to the live show {chuckle}

  15. 1jaded1 September 21, 2013 at 6:33 PM #

    Sorry. Will never do a watch again.

  16. Kendall F. Person, thepublicblogger November 7, 2013 at 12:08 AM #

    Congratulations for the 2013 Nomination – Best Humor/Comedy blog or post.

  17. chrisbrakeshow December 11, 2013 at 4:07 AM #

    Great post, Chris! Also: found another thing you can do with these silly smart watches. . .
    -john
    (Comment sent via Newfangled SmartWatch device)

    • Christopher De Voss December 11, 2013 at 7:23 AM #

      I would reply with my smart watch but I’m too poor to have one.

      • chrisbrakeshow December 11, 2013 at 4:40 PM #

        You can make a pretend smart watch like I did!

      • Christopher De Voss December 11, 2013 at 10:23 PM #

        Oh good idea! I’ll draw it on my wrist.

      • chrisbrakeshow August 21, 2014 at 3:35 AM #

        Please send a picture. Thanks! -Chris

  18. jamborobyn December 30, 2013 at 9:20 AM #

    Congratulations on winning the award, I haven’t laughed so much whilst reading a post in a long time. The post reminds me that I attended a Technology “event” earlier this year and not only did we have a guest speaker whose job description was “Futurist” – we all wish he was as funny as you are, but no – more importantly he had one of these crazy watches. I spoke to him after his talk and whilst he explained how cool his watch was and how clever he was to support that particular Kickstarter project, I wondered to myself why he paid so much, what, if any value he and his watch were adding to the world and wondered aloud why the text on the screen required a magnifying glass to read… thus requiring him to hold his wrist up to his own and other people’s faces in a most unmanly gesture. He mentioned that I should also become a speaker like himself… Thank goodness someone far taller and far more demanding arrived at that point to distract him so I slipped away before he figured out that I hated his watch and his job.

    • Christopher De Voss December 30, 2013 at 9:26 AM #

      Haha, thank you! And that’s exactly what I imagine these watches to be…it’s like we are going backwards in technology…or just another attempt to Star Trek ourselves.

      • Kendall F. Person, thepublicblogger December 31, 2013 at 2:53 PM #

        Congratulations on Winning the 2013 Best Humor/Comedy post @ Thepublicblogger Awards http://wp.me/p33yiN-1Gn

      • Christopher De Voss December 31, 2013 at 11:20 PM #

        Thank you! I am very honored. I would like to thank all the little people that supported me. Seriously, little people hold me up, since I pinched the nerve in my back…

  19. jsackmom November 8, 2014 at 11:26 AM #

    Technology is cool, my first watch was a yellow Snoopy and the timer was Woodstock. It took me forever to learn how to tell time because I was fascinated with that little yellow bird. My sister had a red Mickey Mouse watch. I think the smartest thing about the smart watch is that it actually tells time. Now if it had GPS and ability to teleport me to the nearest Wendy’s when I have a frostie craving, then sign me up yesterday!!! 😉

    • Christopher De Voss November 8, 2014 at 11:46 AM #

      Weird…I think that’s in the next Android upgrade.

      • jsackmom November 8, 2014 at 11:49 AM #

        Hmmm I must investigate that! Wait, do you think I’m weird or the fact i want a teleporting smart watch? 😉

      • Christopher De Voss November 8, 2014 at 12:23 PM #

        No. I think that’s perfectly expected.

      • jsackmom November 8, 2014 at 1:00 PM #

        Thank you I think so too. 😃

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