Heads Will Roll

26 Aug

Warning: some Zombie fiction. I haven’t written one in awhile….

The severed head bounced down the stairs hitting each one with the thud of a sick bowling ball.

It looked like a rather macabre slinky coming down, just with not much slink.

Jason was used to such horrors…now at least. It was way better than the alternative upstairs. The alternative being a small and hungry horde of the undead.

Jason had the less risky job of collecting the fallen zombie heads and putting them into a big metal trash can. It was still dangerous though. He could still get bit.

He had joined the Zombie Elimination Task Force when his brother John joined. It was partly for something to do, and partly because his brother was the “Do-No-Wrong” member of the family. Everyone loved John, and everyone sort of tolerated Jason. At least that is how Jason felt. So he decided to do whatever John did to win over the rest of the family. Jason had not counted on John joining the Task Force.

At the Task Force initiation, John was picked for Zombie Hunter…of course, while Jason was picked for Clean Up Crew…of course.

Jason had one trash can full already. After the house was cleared, the heads would be burned and buried…what the Zombie Elimination Task Force called a B & B. Another team collected Jason’s trash cans from him and would prep the heads for the B & B.

Jason wore an old Umpire’s chest protector and big thick gloves. Sometimes the heads still would have some bite. The Zombie Hunter’s main concern was to thin the number of zombies by loping off their heads first, thus stopping the body from attacking. The body would generally just drop to the floor and twitch and spasm for a while…kind of like when you cut a worm in half…only worms of course, didn’t have arms and legs…or bleed. The Clean Up Crew would scoop the heads up, carefully as to not get bitten, and put them in the big metal trash cans. Later the heads would be examined and identified as best as possible. Most were never identified. Then a little B & B action would take place. Plots of land had been set aside for the burial grounds. Each head plot was marked with the number of craniums, today’s date, and the familiar bio-hazard symbol. The head fields had become quite the tourist attraction, enough so it now costs $2 to walk them.


Another head came bouncing down the stairs. When it reached the bottom, its face was against the floor…which was perfect. You want the teeth away from you. What wasn’t perfect was the fact that this was a bald man. It’s much easier to grab the head by the hair and scoop it into the trash can in one quick step. Being this undead was bald, Jason would have to find the best place to lift the head without getting near its still active mouth. To make matters much worse, the head was covered in goo and blood. It was going to be a slippery beast for sure.  Jason tried to palm it like a basketball at first, but the human head is a lot heavier than one would think.

Especially a dead one.

So, Jason had no choice but to rest one hand on the top of the goop covered chrome dome and the other hand in its neck hole. Jason hated touching the neck hole. It felt weird, and more importantly it still felt somewhat alive. But this really was his only option.

As Jason picked up the head he could see it was still very active. The teeth were gnashing together. The sound was horrible. He could hear the sliding and scraping of enamel on enamel. The head twitch way too much.

This head was way too alive.

Ha ha…alive…

The goop didn’t help either.

Suddenly another head bounced down the stairs catching Jason off guard. His fingers sunk into the meaty neck hole, spraying a small gush of blood. Jason let out a cry of disgust as the hand resting on the man’s bald scalp slipped. Now the whole head was falling out of his hands. Jason adjusted himself as the head made it’s decent towards the floor.  Almost out of instinct from his days as a wide receiver on the Freedom High Patriot’s football team, he fell to one knee thus keeping the head from falling to the ground…but not the zombie’s teeth from taking a big bite out of flesh on his leg.

Jason was in shock. He dropped the head into the trash can and grabbed his leg. The blood spurt from his leg artery like a lawn sprinkler.

“No…no! NO!” Jason said through gritted teeth. He applied pressure with his hands to try to stop the bleeding.

Two more heads bounced down the stairs. Jason watched them; they almost seemed to bounce in slow motion. He hung his own head against his chest. He could feel his breath already slowing. The zombie’s bite worked fast. Usually it only took 5 to 10 minutes and you became a card carrying member of the undead shuffling crew.

“No,” he whispered.

From up the stairs he heard John call, “That’s it. All clear!”

Jason sighed and let go of his wounded leg. The blood started spurting again.

He called up the stairs, “Not quite…You have one more!” as he slowly climb the steps.


32 Responses to “Heads Will Roll”

  1. pieterk515 August 26, 2013 at 9:29 AM #

    A W E S O M E !

  2. tarnishedsophia August 26, 2013 at 10:00 AM #

    Creepy and sad…Interesting combination. Well done story, at any rate, Chris. 🙂

  3. Hippie Cahier August 26, 2013 at 11:15 AM #

    Holy crudmuffins ™! That feature image shows up huge in my Reader and it scared the bejeebers outta me!

  4. ksbeth August 26, 2013 at 1:23 PM #

    you seem to have fallen right back into it without any adjustment period – well done )

  5. Cara Thereon August 26, 2013 at 4:34 PM #

    Nice job. Not my type of story, but I definitely enjoyed this.

  6. 1jaded1 August 26, 2013 at 11:29 PM #

    This was sad. Poor Jason, as his head rolls down the stairs…love it though.

  7. Ervin Sholpnick August 27, 2013 at 10:52 PM #

    Love Zombies… Enjoyed the hell out of this.

  8. David Stewart August 28, 2013 at 8:22 AM #

    That’s quite the job. I want to see it on Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe.

    • Christopher De Voss August 28, 2013 at 8:26 AM #

      That would be awesome! Hopefully he keeps that hat from getting bloody…

  9. slingshotbaby69 August 28, 2013 at 7:15 PM #

    Thanks for sharing this, it was excellent!

  10. The Bumble Files August 28, 2013 at 11:45 PM #

    Excellent gore, Chris! I like the image of the head gnashing his teeth. If only he had hair. What bad luck!

  11. whiteladyinthehood August 29, 2013 at 6:43 PM #

    This was so creepy! I love horror. The gnashing of the teeth part gave me goose bumps. (nice twist, too)

  12. cb August 31, 2013 at 5:43 AM #

    Wow “Life, Humor, … And Zombies” … gotta follow that. Thanks for liking Convoy on Contrafactual.com

    But wait, there’s more

    Now I get to shamelessly plug my own attempt at zombie fiction. Weren’t expecting that were you? Nobody expects the Sp … Oh wait that’s a deferent meme.

    Check out http://contrafactual.com/2013/07/11/hzv-day-42/

    Now I have to get back to reading your blog.

    Be seeing you …

    Oh and thank you for giving good head. Wait that didn’t sound right. Zombie head. Still sounds bad. That bites. Yes the head did bite.

    • cb August 31, 2013 at 5:44 AM #

      Or a different meme … Your choice

    • Christopher De Voss August 31, 2013 at 9:00 AM #

      I will check it out! Thank you.

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