If Taylor Swift Wrote About Real Life

22 Jul

McDonald’s Story

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Standing in line waiting to order a burger

Your register girl is slow like a tumor

She doesn’t even know what a number 2 combo is

A number 2 is

The next thing I know

A wet floor cone is on the floor

I see no spill

So I walk around it

Walk around it

Chorus 1:

I ordered a 10 piece
You gave me 9 pieces
Where’s my Bar-B-Que?
It doesn’t look like the picture
Is this even real cheese?
This is my McDonald’s story
 

I look at the fry carton, it’s only half full

Just ’cause I’m skinny

Doesn’t mean I don’t like french fries

I like french fries

The drive through is backed up

People are screaming

Problem is the manager is only 14

He is only 14

Chorus 2:

I ordered a 10 piece
You gave me 9 pieces
I ordered a milkshake
You gave me a smoothie
Ronald kind of scares me
This is my McDonald’s story
 
swiftshake
 
 
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59 Responses to “If Taylor Swift Wrote About Real Life”

  1. The Vanilla Housewife July 22, 2013 at 11:00 AM #

    If I were Taylor I’d send you a thank you note 🙂

  2. Mike is Happy July 22, 2013 at 11:00 AM #

    I’m lovin’ it.

  3. omawarisan July 22, 2013 at 11:26 AM #

    She’s still never ever getting back together with you.

  4. misskzebra July 22, 2013 at 11:45 AM #

    To be fair, Taylor Swift already sings a lot about her real life, apparently she actually pointed at Harry Styles while singing, “I knew you were trouble when you walked in!” at some award ceremony.

    • Christopher De Voss July 22, 2013 at 11:56 AM #

      I know. I was with her at the Mickey D’s. She said it was okay to write about it.

  5. Carrie Rubin July 22, 2013 at 12:39 PM #

    With lyrics like that, I might actually listen to her music. Well, probably not, but I’d be one step closer…

    Thanks for the retweet about the book contest. I appreciate you spreading the word. Very thoughtful of you!

    • Christopher De Voss July 22, 2013 at 12:39 PM #

      I entered too. I like free books.

      • Carrie Rubin July 22, 2013 at 12:41 PM #

        Yes, free is good. Unless it’s a free STD. Then that is not good.

      • Christopher De Voss July 22, 2013 at 1:36 PM #

        Agreed, but readily available…

  6. Ervin Sholpnick July 22, 2013 at 1:19 PM #

    You could have background singers, Harmonizing…
    Super sized… Super sized… Would you like that super sized???

  7. Fat Bottom Girl July 22, 2013 at 1:29 PM #

    That would be a definite improvement over most of her music! lol

    • Christopher De Voss July 22, 2013 at 1:36 PM #

      Not a fan?

      • Fat Bottom Girl July 22, 2013 at 1:47 PM #

        Could you tell??

      • Christopher De Voss July 22, 2013 at 1:48 PM #

        I won’t send you her boxed set of unreleased love songs then.

      • Fat Bottom Girl July 22, 2013 at 2:04 PM #

        That would be appreciated since my love reads like some sort of tragic novel with Jerry Springer-esque qualities. 🙂

  8. sagedoyle July 22, 2013 at 4:18 PM #

    hahahahahaa

  9. David Stewart July 22, 2013 at 8:32 PM #

    I think this might be a good opportunity for you: singing Taylor Swift-esque songs about everyday problems.
    On a side note, I once got nuggets and my wife ate one while I was getting straws. I opened it, saw one was missing and went up and complained and they gave me a new one. I didn’t find out she had eaten one until I got back and she asked why I went back up.

  10. Andrew July 22, 2013 at 9:13 PM #

    I’m going to copy and paste this in my “That is so Taylor Swift” diary.

  11. Monk Monkey July 23, 2013 at 2:05 AM #

    Hello.

  12. gingerfightback July 23, 2013 at 11:04 AM #

    Beautiful absolutely beautiful

    • Christopher De Voss July 23, 2013 at 11:06 AM #

      Too bad Taylor isn’t a redhead…

      • gingerfightback July 23, 2013 at 11:38 AM #

        Could you do a Ginger song a la Taylor Swift? I’ll provide the sausage photo and ginger wig!

      • Christopher De Voss July 23, 2013 at 11:41 AM #

        Not a bad idea. I’ll look into my inner ginger for inspiration. (I can grow flecks of red in my beard scruff)

      • Christopher De Voss July 24, 2013 at 10:33 AM #

        How’s this?

        “We Will Never Ever Be Redheads Together”

        I remember when we hung out the first time
        Saying, “Your Hair is so red, it shines in the sun
        My hair is dirty blonde
        When you said you’re natural. (What?)
        Then I ran to the CVS
        To dye my hair red, it was the store brand
        Remember how you laughed that day?
        As all my hair ended up grey
        Ooh, we could try it again
        But ooh, this time I’m telling you, I’m telling you

        We are never ever ever going to be redheads together,
        We are never ever ever going to be redheads together,
        You go gingering again, I’m bald again,
        But we are never ever ever ever going to be redheads together

      • gingerfightback July 25, 2013 at 3:42 AM #

        Love it! Having a break from things for a while so will sausage and ginger Taylor in a while and send them over to you! – cheers

      • Christopher De Voss July 25, 2013 at 8:13 AM #

        🙂

  13. ksbeth July 24, 2013 at 12:16 AM #

    luv this. can i supersize it?

    • Christopher De Voss July 24, 2013 at 12:18 AM #

      Yes, except in New York.

      • ksbeth July 24, 2013 at 12:20 AM #

        if spitzer and weiner can make comebacks after their arrests, i can easily make my comeback after my big food/drink bust.

      • Christopher De Voss July 24, 2013 at 12:22 AM #

        True…and you said bust…

      • ksbeth July 24, 2013 at 12:23 AM #

        true – guess it would have been funnier if i was dyslexic and said, ‘big bust drink food.’

      • Christopher De Voss July 24, 2013 at 12:24 AM #

        Haha!

  14. denmother July 24, 2013 at 1:08 PM #

    Taylor’s 21 year old emotions are real life, Christopher!

  15. Christa Thompson @ChristaTravels July 25, 2013 at 10:23 AM #

    I just pissed my pants…. Brilliant! x

  16. 1jaded1 July 28, 2013 at 10:06 AM #

    Hi. The food doesn’t look like the pictures? Devestated.

    • Christopher De Voss July 28, 2013 at 10:09 AM #

      The pictures are of plastic food usually…just a little FYI…

      • 1jaded1 July 28, 2013 at 10:19 AM #

        Got it. Another instance of marketing magic. Thanks for the FYI.

  17. The Bumble Files July 28, 2013 at 12:37 PM #

    This song rules, Chris! Haha!!

  18. Sandee July 28, 2013 at 9:43 PM #

    Gee I dunno about this song Chris, but, I do like Taylor Swift — so two thumbs up!

  19. Kendall F. Person, thepublicblogger July 30, 2013 at 1:55 AM #

    You are funny and clever…lol.

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