A Ghost Tour of St. Augustine

1 Jul

I finally went on a ghost tour in St. Augustine. I have been wanting to go on one ever since I moved to Florida about a hundred years ago. My wife, Laura, set this up because I’m not smart enough. I don’t even think I’m smart enough to find St. Augustine and it’s pretty much a straight shot down a toll road…then down a freeway…then down a scary tree covered country road.

If you are unfamiliar with St. Augustine it’s supposed to be the oldest city in North America. It was founded by Ponce De Leon, the first official tourist of Florida in his quest to find the Fountain of Youth.*

st-augustine-tour

He found it…and it tastes like shit. For five dollars you can get a tour of the Fountain and a small taste of everlasting youth shit water, and another five buys you a bottle of the stuff.** Give it to your favorite relative who is taste bud deficient.

It doesn’t work by the way, don’t waste your money. I have proof because most of the citizens of St. Augustine look like they are ready to die.

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St. Augustine Visitor’s Center Greeter.

St. Augustine is known for two things:

1) Having the oldest of everything like: the Oldest Schoolhouse, the Oldest Fort, the Oldest Jail, and the Oldest Denny’s.

And

2) Ghosts. (Lots of ghosts!)

The city itself is a history of ghastly murders, untimely deaths, and bad karma. Also, it’s built on several Native American burial grounds. That helps in keeping the population of ghosts to a maxim.  I think the St. Augustine ghosts phone their ghostly friends to come on vacation there, and why not, there are five awesome Subways*** there.

There is also something about some sort of pole lines crossing St. Augustine, thus making the kinetic and spiritual energies that much higher. St. Augustine is one of four places in the world this does that, the other three went unmentioned…probably someplace like Transylvania or Narnia.

Our choice of ghost tours included riding in a hearse for 60 bones (see what I did there), doing a pub crawl for $30 or a walking tour for $16. The walking tour included going inside a haunted building and the rental of EMF meter.

If your a cool child of the ’80’s this is NOT a meter for trying to find the one hit wonder band that sang,’ Unbelievable.’ It is actually a blinking meter device for discovering electronic pulses in the air, which apparently ghosts give off when they fart or something.

We chose the walking tour, mostly because the pub tour included four pubs, but only one drink. It just seemed like a way for some of the bars to make money as opposed to actually being haunted.

Our tour guide was pretty good with the story telling. The only problem was she was from Tennessee, so you sometimes had to really figure out what she was talking about. For example, at one point she lead us into a small courtyard with a circular object in the middle of it. She started talking about the ‘whale’ in the yard and how haunted it was…but as hard as I looked, I could see no whale anywhere. I soon figured out the ‘whale’ as actually a well. A haunted whale would have been cool though.

The highlight of the tour was stories of and a chance to explore inside this haunted Antiques Shop. The Shop looked more like someone’s garage sale as opposed to any real valuable antique dealings. The shelves were lined with VHS tapes, cassette tapes, mounted fish, and other treasures. At one point I thought maybe the ghost tour company set up this store themselves…to you know…fake a haunted location. But no, it was a real working store.

The energies in the store were supposed to bad, but I think it was mostly the air conditioner that was bad. It was beastly hot. The store was small with two back rooms, which we were allowed to explore. One room had a long dark hallway which was probably used for storage of extra garage sale items like hot wheels, mason jar drinking glasses, and one armed Barbie dolls. Supposedly the ghosts like to pinch women when the men were not around. I think I got ghostly pinched at one point, which would make my ghost gay. I would have the first encounter recorded in history with a gay ghost. A scarier encounter I had was with a light in the hallway/closet area. It was sitting on a shelf and looked like a motion light or one of those that you tap with your hand to turn it on. It couldn’t have been motioned because many people passed by it, including me, several times. However on my last swing through, it turned on. When it did, I hightailed it out of the hallway! I’m proud to say with my pants unsoiled.

Freaked me out!

And just like they do in a horror movie, which causes people who are watching the movie to ask, “Why did the go back to the haunted place? Why didn’t they just run?” I want back to the light that turned on all by itself. I put my EMF up to the light hoping it would spike all the way to red ghost danger levels…but it recorded nothing.

Here are some other things I tried to get a ghost reading off of:

A haunted creepy doll.

A haunted creepy doll.

A haunted creepy fish.

A haunted creepy fish.

Oh no! The ghosts got all the snacks!

Oh no! The ghosts got all the snacks!

Lastly, while standing on one of the many brick roads, the Ghost Tour Guide was telling a story about how the city was going to repave the broken cracked bricks with new ones. Well, when they lifted up the bricks they discovered many, many dead bodies, so they decided to leave it alone and put the bricks back as they were. I was running an app on my phone called: Ghost Radar Legacy. Basically it shows energyblips and mysterious words spoken from the other side.

It looks like this with a nice spooky green tint to boot.

I took this screenshot while in my house and playing 70’s disco music. I believe the ghosts in my house were pleased and the app just missed the word ‘Get”.

This was the list of words the app brought back, mind you while standing on the brick body road, and mind you, while listening to the ghost guide talk:

Are you freaked out?

Are you freaked out yet?

*History may not be quite accurate.
** Prices may not be quite accurate.
***Shameless plug for relative’s business

 

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40 Responses to “A Ghost Tour of St. Augustine”

  1. ksbeth July 1, 2013 at 9:27 AM #

    Wow, that’s pretty wild –

  2. coachdaddyblogger July 1, 2013 at 9:51 AM #

    Thing is, that old visitor center dude is actually 273, so the fountain of youth really does work! I think maybe you got a lady ghost to pinch you. Don’t you remember that scene with Dan Akroyd in Ghostbusters with the lady ghost?

    • Christopher De Voss July 1, 2013 at 10:05 AM #

      I always fear the worst, that way I will be pleasantly surprised if I’m wrong. By the way, the Fountain of Youth is supposed to make you look young as well, but I think you hit the age of the man spot on.

  3. silkpurseproductions July 1, 2013 at 11:10 AM #

    What would you have done if at any time the meter went into the red zone?
    All in all it sounds like a fun way to spend the day with someone who went to the trouble of setting it up for you.

    • Christopher De Voss July 1, 2013 at 11:19 AM #

      I would have pooped my pants! And then called the guide over to make it into one of her stories, and then I would have been St. Augustine famous.

  4. stuffitellmysister July 1, 2013 at 12:17 PM #

    This had to be so much fun as well as interesting. We did a ghost tour in Eureka Springs a couple of years ago. At the end, standing in the morgue, they were telling us about one certain spirit that liked to steal jewelry. That’s when I looked down and realized my amber bracelet was gone. When I mentioned it to the tour guide….she turned white as a ghost. Hmmmmm……

  5. bluebeadpublications July 1, 2013 at 1:13 PM #

    I was at Sergio’s yesterday after meting with a ghostwriting client and he had on the t-shirt of this tour. I told him about the ghost hunters that came to my house and he told me about his adventure in Saint Augustine’s. Your post is serendipitous.

    • Christopher De Voss July 1, 2013 at 1:15 PM #

      Ghosts are everywhere! What a coincidence for you! Is your house haunted?

      • bluebeadpublications July 1, 2013 at 1:17 PM #

        It was. I had a Haitian in my house. When I get the report back I will post it. In fact, can I reblog yours when the time comes?

      • Christopher De Voss July 1, 2013 at 1:20 PM #

        Please to both!

  6. omawarisan July 1, 2013 at 7:38 PM #

    The visitor center guy, wasn’t he in The Mask?

    • Christopher De Voss July 1, 2013 at 7:41 PM #

      It’s been so long since I have seen that movie…but yeah, it’s Jim Carey’s Dad.

  7. Monk Monkey July 1, 2013 at 8:35 PM #

    Amazing amazing post. Wow. Must visit!

  8. Kayla Lords July 2, 2013 at 5:51 AM #

    I love St. Augustine…I hate things that scare me…so…I’ll keep enjoying St. Augustine my way, you enjoy it yours…and yes, you must be a transplant of some sort if you don’t understand Tennesseean…lol

    • Christopher De Voss July 2, 2013 at 8:33 AM #

      I am a transplant, and Tennessee can be rough. I have open a couple of restaurants there when I worked for a corporation that did that, and they have different names for everything. 😉

      • momof6boys July 3, 2013 at 8:50 PM #

        As an 8 year resident of TN, I can relate to the difficulty in understanding what they heck some people are saying. When we first came up here to look at homes, our realtor had an incredibly thick accent, and my husband and I kept elbowing each other and whispering, ” What did he say? Do you have any idea what he just said? ” Oh, and if you are around a real Tennessean long enough you will surely be asked who your kin are, and you will hear ” Bless your heart! ” 5 trillion times ( which takes on a variety of meanings depending on the context ) 😉

      • Christopher De Voss July 4, 2013 at 3:01 AM #

        Bless your heart for commenting.

  9. David Stewart July 2, 2013 at 8:40 AM #

    I can see how that doll and that fish would be haunted. I would guess it even without the meter. Sounds like a fun experience. In any case, makes for a good story.

    • Christopher De Voss July 2, 2013 at 8:42 AM #

      It was fun, even if I got more than I bargained for…one lady caught a ghost on film.

      • David Stewart July 2, 2013 at 9:51 AM #

        Thats cool. What did it look like? Are you a believer in ghosts now?

      • Christopher De Voss July 2, 2013 at 9:56 AM #

        It was an orb and I think I’m slowly coming around to believing…

      • David Stewart July 2, 2013 at 10:18 AM #

        I don’t know what to think about ghosts. I guess I’m agnostic in that area, kind of like my views of aliens.

      • Christopher De Voss July 2, 2013 at 10:32 AM #

        Me too…plus the old adage…if you don’t believe, they can’t hurt you.

  10. Crazy_Lady July 3, 2013 at 2:35 PM #

    I hope you enjoyed it. Just an fyi…I told the ghost to turn the light on and then run away to creep you out. That is the reason why you found me in the dark hallway all by myself. You should really be a believer.

  11. momwontbuyadog July 9, 2013 at 1:01 PM #

    It seems like you enjoyed St. Augustine more than I did. I didn’t care for all the old things, never actually found the fountain, and since my culture believes in ghosts, I stayed away from ghost sight-seeing because o the possibility that they might possess us. I was chased out by the heat and the angry peacocks we found on our way to the Fountain of Youth.

    • Christopher De Voss July 9, 2013 at 1:04 PM #

      If you make it back, go to St George street. You will have a better time there…since the whole town is haunted, I can’t help you with that factor.

  12. Christa Thompson @ChristaTravels August 21, 2013 at 10:11 PM #

    You tagged this with boobs…. LMAO Beavis.

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