I’m Sorry (For No Reason)

25 Jun

I’m sorry…

I’m sorry if the font on this blog is not good enough for you!

I’m sorry if sonetimes I misspell words, or, use, too, many, commas…

Or my sentence structure hard is to read!

I’m sorry if sometimes I use bold headers in inappropriate places.

I’m sorry if my socks don’t match!

I’m sorry if you don’t like the fact that I call my butt a bum and only British people generally do that!

I’m sorry if you find my jokes unfunny, or my Twitter/Facebook statuses unfunny. (I would include Google+, but I’m sorry, no one uses that.)

I’m sorry I don’t have a third nipple! All you high brow third nipple people can go have a dance party for all I care!

I’m sorry I’m using I’m sorry in this post a lot! I would use a synonym but that would require opening a new tab on the browser, and looking up one. I’m sorry, but I’m laying on my side while writing this, and that would require sitting up!

I’m sorry my taste in music makes you itchy.

I’m sorry that you disagree that Letters and Numbers should not be mixed together and therefor Algebra should be banned from the planet. Call me colonial purist.

I’m sorry you didn’t show me your boobs when I asked you too, and now you feel awkward about approaching me to ask me if it’s okay to show them now. Yes, it’s okay.

Speaking of awkward,                         I’m sorry for the awkward space in this sentence.

I’m srry yu disagree with my decisin t drp  a certain vwel ut f this sentence, thus rendering it hard to read. There are places where everyne uses every vwel in the English language, all the time.  Maybe yu shuld stick t thse places.

I’m sorry I’m not the poster child for Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I will sympathize with yours, but I can not represent you in Congress.

I’m sorry you don’t find it funny when I replace words in songs with ‘Fart’ or ‘Penis’. If that makes my core audience consist of mostly boys ages 9 to 14, then so be it. I’m sorry but ‘Fart In The Wind’, ‘Penisrazzi’, and ‘I Left My Fart In San Francisco’ is funny!

I’m sorry there is 🙂 a smily face in the middle of this sentence.

I’m sorry I made this picture:

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I’m not sorry I made this picture:

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70 Responses to “I’m Sorry (For No Reason)”

  1. NormalDeviations June 25, 2013 at 9:27 AM #

    Except… there are no inappropriate places for bold headers, no? Just sayin’

  2. ksbeth June 25, 2013 at 9:40 AM #

    Sorry I love this rant

  3. David Stewart June 25, 2013 at 9:42 AM #

    I forgive you…all except the lack of a third nipple. I think they can perhaps add one with surgery.

  4. tarnishedsophia June 25, 2013 at 9:44 AM #

    It’s okay. I’m sure we’ll all forgive you someday. I’d totally listen to a song called “Penisrazzi” though. I’d keep it on a burned CD, in between Gunther’s “Ding Dong Song” and Bowling for Soup’s “My Wena”.

    If you haven’t listened to these songs yet, you have to do it now.
    Yes. Right now.
    Unless you’re at work…

  5. silkpurseproductions June 25, 2013 at 9:54 AM #

    I’m sorry I didn’t read this sooner. Now I’m sorry I couldn’t come up with a more clever comment than the people who read it sooner and commented.

    • Christopher De Voss June 25, 2013 at 9:56 AM #

      I’m sorry you thought your comment wasn’t clever.

  6. aliceatwonderland June 25, 2013 at 10:09 AM #

    I’m sorry you are the fart beneath my wings.

    • Christopher De Voss June 25, 2013 at 10:16 AM #

      I’m sorry, but that is the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.

  7. momof6boys June 25, 2013 at 11:58 AM #

    I’m sorry that I was drinking iced tea when I read this and I laughed so hard that it snorted out my nose! I’m even more sorry that I wasn’t able to capture that Kodak moment on film!

  8. Cordelia June 25, 2013 at 12:13 PM #

    Wait. Is a third nipple required to be high brow?? Well, that sucks, because I only have two and I’m NOT sorry because they are quite lovely if i do say so myself. With that said, can I still be invited to the high brow third nipple dance party since I have two above average nipples?

    • Christopher De Voss June 25, 2013 at 1:49 PM #

      Two above average nipples beats three below par nipples anyday. But remember, nipples are subjective beauty.

  9. jayne June 25, 2013 at 1:05 PM #

    I’m sorry I tried to go to a site two times before deciding o just copy what was originally found on the first page after entering the word “sorry” !!!!! to get:
    sorry: adjective 1. Expressing or inclined to express an apology: apologetic, contrite, penitent, regretful, repentant

    • Christopher De Voss June 25, 2013 at 1:50 PM #

      Oh, thank you…but sorry, I already published. I mean, contrite I already published.

      • jayne June 25, 2013 at 1:53 PM #

        I am no where near apologetic. That would have changed everything if I would have got you those synonyms sooner.

      • Christopher De Voss June 25, 2013 at 1:54 PM #

        True. 😉

  10. peachyteachy June 25, 2013 at 4:00 PM #

    On behalf of the Universe, I forgive you. I especially forgive you for giving the highbrow third nipple people permission to have a dance party.

  11. The Bumble Files June 25, 2013 at 9:13 PM #

    I’m sorry I feel sorry and I’m sorry that you’re reading my sorry apology! So there! How are you? Are you good? Oh, I’m sorry I asked.

    • Christopher De Voss June 25, 2013 at 9:15 PM #

      I’m sorry but I’m good. Hows you?

      • The Bumble Files June 25, 2013 at 9:18 PM #

        Oh, good, Chris. Good to hear. I’m fair. Summer is already flying by, isn’t it?

      • Christopher De Voss June 25, 2013 at 9:19 PM #

        It is…way to fast. I was just thinking that. Haha.

      • The Bumble Files June 25, 2013 at 9:20 PM #

        Well, I hope you get a chance to enjoy it.

      • The Bumble Files June 25, 2013 at 9:23 PM #

        Did you see the World War Z flick?

      • Christopher De Voss June 25, 2013 at 9:25 PM #

        Not yet. I want to. I read the book. I’m a Max Brooks fan. Did you?

      • The Bumble Files June 25, 2013 at 9:27 PM #

        No, I’ve never read it. Maybe I should read it before I go see it! It looks pretty phenomenal. It had a quite a huge budget. Anyway, I’m looking forward to it.

      • Christopher De Voss June 25, 2013 at 9:30 PM #

        The book is really good, and a quick read…but honestly I don’t know how they turned it into a movie. It’s a collection of stories from many different people on the war with zombies. I wonder what they changed to make it it one story.

      • The Bumble Files June 25, 2013 at 9:56 PM #

        You’ll have to let me know. Or, I’ll try to read the book…I think Brad is the only one who gets a story!

  12. omawarisan June 25, 2013 at 9:45 PM #

    I have an ex who had a third nipple. You’re not missing anything.

    Maybe its me that isn’t missing anything.

    At least one, maybe two of us.

    • Christopher De Voss June 25, 2013 at 9:52 PM #

      If I had a third one, I would pierce it with a hoop and tell people it’s my built in rip cord.

  13. Andrew June 25, 2013 at 10:18 PM #

    If I learned anything from the second season of Weeds (and I learned a lot), was that thugs never say they’re sorry. So don’t even worry about it. We’ve talked about your gangster days as rumrunner of the bayous.

    • Christopher De Voss June 25, 2013 at 10:20 PM #

      I never made it through the first season…so sometimes I forget.

      • Andrew June 25, 2013 at 10:23 PM #

        It was bad show. I won’t defend it. More of a group activity. I didn’t make it to the end either. But that’s still a good lesson.

      • Christopher De Voss June 25, 2013 at 10:24 PM #

        Noted.

  14. floridaborne June 25, 2013 at 10:19 PM #

    When I got to this sentence using a text reader, “I’m sorry I’m not the poster child for Irritable Bowl Syndrome” I envisioned you throwing bowls at irritating people. I like the imagery.

  15. gingerfightback June 26, 2013 at 2:23 AM #

    As Eltn sang sorry seems t be the hardest wrd

  16. pieterk515 June 26, 2013 at 9:30 AM #

    Random as fuck.

    • Christopher De Voss June 26, 2013 at 9:31 AM #

      You must be new…

      • pieterk515 June 26, 2013 at 9:33 AM #

        Hahahahha. Felt bad about my initial comment. But enjoyed your post so much that it was the first three words that popped into my head.

      • Christopher De Voss June 26, 2013 at 9:34 AM #

        No worries. Thanks. I’ll take any comments. Even random ones.

  17. The Hook June 26, 2013 at 11:02 AM #

    I’m NOT sorry I read this post.

  18. calahan June 26, 2013 at 3:01 PM #

    Your music does make me very itchy. I appreciate you apologizing.

  19. Sandee June 26, 2013 at 9:46 PM #

    …And Kap’n Krunch to boot!

  20. BrainRants June 27, 2013 at 1:39 PM #

    I’m sorry I can’t tell, but is that Fran Drescher in the awesome picture?

  21. delilahdoodles June 30, 2013 at 5:10 PM #

    lololololol 🙂

    • Christopher De Voss June 30, 2013 at 5:22 PM #

      Yay!

      • delilahdoodles June 30, 2013 at 5:26 PM #

        SERIOUSLY this made me laugh! I seem to have spent my whole life being sorry about something or other 😉

      • Christopher De Voss June 30, 2013 at 5:40 PM #

        I hear ya! I know exactly what you mean…

  22. cindy knoke July 1, 2013 at 10:22 PM #

    You are forgiven, for nothing! 🙂

  23. Personal Concerns July 14, 2013 at 10:37 PM #

    😛

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