Gepetto, Horner, and Muffit (My New Sponsors)

17 Jun

Are you a Nursery Rhyme?

Are you tired of being bullied..harassed…or even repeated a hundred times by sing-songy snot nosed children or otherwise?

Then call the Law Offices of:

Gepetto, Horner, and Muffit

Are you a cat with a fiddle? Are you continuously being called hurtful names like: “Hey! Diddle! Diddle!”

Then get the  Law Offices of Gepetto, Horner, and Muffit to fight for you!

“Sue the pants off of them like they were Winnie the Pooh!”

We  specialize in Bovine Workers Union Issues as well! How many times will you be forced to jump over the moon for less than minimum wage? Not any more!

“We don’t get paid, unless you do! (And we except chocolate coins as payment!)

Are dogs laughing at you? Are your silverware stealing your dishes?

“We got Georgie Porgie off from numerous sexual battery charges!”

Call today. We have many lawyers to handle all types of cases! Some of them made out of gingerbread!

“It doesn’t matter if your peas porridge is hot, cold, or nine days old, we will fight for you!”

Read these testimonials!

“Gepetto, Horner, and Muffit got that stupid Old King Cole to finally pay us!” ~One of the Fiddler’s Three

“They handled my divorce from my 400 pound wife quickly and it didn’t cost but 2000 chocolate coins!” ~ Jack Sprat

“G, H, & M helped us quiet the neighborhood!” ~ Little Boy Blue’s neighbor

“They put my sick, sick, husband with his sick, sick gourd fetish behind bars! Where he belongs!” ~ Wife of Peter Pumpkin Eater

“I finally got paid thanks to Gepetto, Horner, and Muffit. Simple Simon can kiss my blueberry bum!” ~ The Pieman

“They help me get government assistance. Now I live in a steel toed work boot. So much better!” ~ Old Lady Who Lived In A Shoe

“They helped me change my name legally. Now my credit can be repaired!” ~ Al Kayda formerly known as John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt

“I’ll never have to work again after being trapped on that bridge when it collapsed. Gepetto, Horner, and Muffit got the city to give me compensation to last me for the rest of my life!” ~ My Fair Lady

“Call Us Today! 1-800-PAT-CAKE”

27 Responses to “Gepetto, Horner, and Muffit (My New Sponsors)”

  1. Cara Thereon June 17, 2013 at 9:20 AM #

    Lol. Loved this.

  2. silkpurseproductions June 17, 2013 at 9:45 AM #

    I will be re-reading all the children’s classics to see if I can spy any possibly legal actions to be taken. I can then turn them into learning moments for my nieces and nephews.

    • Christopher De Voss June 17, 2013 at 10:33 AM #

      You will find lots if you really pay attention to what you are reading. It’s actually kind of scary.

  3. G June 17, 2013 at 9:55 AM #

    Awesome. “Al Kayda” is a much better name! Hilarious! Thank you!

    • Christopher De Voss June 17, 2013 at 12:55 PM #

      Thank you for stopping by…I always appreciate it. (Almost as much as Boob Day.)

  4. RFL June 17, 2013 at 10:21 AM #


  5. night owl June 17, 2013 at 11:18 AM #

    My second LOL moment of the day! This is priceless!
    Smart witty men are so damn sexy.

    • Christopher De Voss June 17, 2013 at 12:52 PM #

      They are. Let me know if you find one! 😉

      (that sounded gay, which I’m not…not that there is anything wrong with that…)

      • night owl June 17, 2013 at 4:49 PM #

        I’ve seen which blogs you hang out at. I was pretty confident you weren’t gay. 😉

        I’ll be on the lookout for those smart men, though. Might even write a post about them.

      • Christopher De Voss June 17, 2013 at 4:57 PM #

        Busted! Looking forward to the post.

  6. gingerfightback June 18, 2013 at 2:48 AM #

    I’m with Jack Sprat on this – brilliant!

  7. calahan June 18, 2013 at 2:20 PM #


    • Christopher De Voss June 18, 2013 at 2:21 PM #

      You are too kind sir!

      • calahan June 18, 2013 at 2:25 PM #

        You’re right. Your piece was just moderately clever, then. Happy?

      • Christopher De Voss June 18, 2013 at 2:31 PM #

        Yes. (less pressure.)

  8. momof6boys June 18, 2013 at 3:40 PM #

    I stumbled across your blog and have been enjoying reading your posts immensely! You have provided me with some MUCH needed laughter…as well as a completely different take on nursery rhymes! I will never look at Mother Goose the same way… 😉

    • Christopher De Voss June 18, 2013 at 3:53 PM #

      Thank you for the stumble. Yes, Mother Goose is evil. I have your blog out as well. Good stuff.

  9. Monk Monkey June 18, 2013 at 6:16 PM #


  10. Andrew June 18, 2013 at 8:46 PM #

    This needs to be turned into a flash animation commerical. Not sure how to make that happen. But it needs too.

    • Christopher De Voss June 18, 2013 at 8:54 PM #

      Ok. Make it happen! Oh wait, you just said you’re not sure how….nevermind.

  11. ksbeth June 19, 2013 at 10:36 AM #

    I loved this, I love nursery rhymes , word play and clever writing.

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