The Anatomy Of My 6000th Tweet

13 May

I just happen to glance at my twitter count…

…which was strange, because I never do…

I don’t care about my Twitter count, it was just a random glance, I swear.

Anyway, it was at 5,999.

Cool!

For some reason, I thought I should craft my 6,000th tweet as something really special, really powerful, really funny. A tweet to blow away all other tweets…and that’s hard to do. There are a lot of talented people on Twitter.

(Now, to be honest on the Twitter count, they are not all handcrafted gems of comedy. Some of them are links from other social sites like GetGlue, Instagram, and Soundtracking. Those are throw away tweets. So if I was to eliminate all the throw away tweets, my number would be more around the 67 mark.)

Normally I just tweet whatever random thought enters my head, but for my 6,000th, I was going to contemplate something genius for awhile.

For those who don’t Twitter, and those that do, the 6,000th tweet doesn’t mean anything. There are no awards or celebrations, nobody knocking on my door with balloons and a big check…it’s just something to celebrate personally…like flipping the odometer on your car from 999,999 to 1,000,000…which of course promptly puts the car in the shop.

Cut to 7 hours later when I forgot that I was going to hand craft the bestest, funniest, tweet in the world to celebrate 6,000, and instead tweet this:

buttplugtweet1

What the hell is that?!

OK. I see the look on your face…Let me break down the thought process here for a second. I actually don’t think this will help. It will probably make it worse.

Here in Orlando we have a theme park called Universal Studios. The new big thing coming this summer is Transformers 3D – The Ride.

This is a promotion for the new ride. It's a transformer that "walked" through a building in downtown Orlando. If you look closely, there are crushed cars in front of the building.

This is a promotion for the new ride. It’s a transformer that “walked” through a building in downtown Orlando. If you look closely, there are crushed cars in front of the building. Super cool, right?

So now I’m thinking about Transformers and the fact that one of the Transformers was a cassette tape…a now obsolete item. It would suck being an obsolete item as a Transformer. If I was a Transformer, I would definitely request to be an item that stayed current for a long time. That would eliminate a lot of the Transformers that turned into cars, trucks, and motorcycles as well.

“I can transform into a 1986 AMC Concord!”

“I don’t even think that car company is around anymore!”

“Oh, crap!”

(That was a little thought process play from inside my head.)

There is one mechanical device that stands the test of time. It has design changes, but the basic model is still used and popular, even today.

The Vibrator. I could be a transforming vibrator! (Need to be real careful about when I would transform…Ouch, ladies!)

I don’t want to be a transforming pink vibrator…maybe baby blue…

Sorry, getting off track, back to the Tweet. Now I have the begining of the Tweet:

Transformers – Vibrator…More than meets (?)

In case you are unfamiliar, the catch phrase of Transformers is; ‘More Than Meets The Eye’.

What could replace ‘eye’ that relates to a vibrator and would be funny?

Thigh? (No, you don’t vibrate your thigh…hello!)

Stye (Huh? Eye problems and vibrators? Nope.)

Bye?

High?

Die?

Bill Nye?

In my head I’m chanting: Eye, Eye, Eye, Vibrators, Eye, Eye, Brown Eye, Eye…Brown Eye!…Snicker, Snicker….

Wait a minute…

With a tiny change…

buttplugtweet1

And there it was…my tweet…my 6000th tweet…

Oh crap!

I just made my 6000th, oh-so-special-tweet about transforming butt plugs.

*Hangs head*

So I followed that tweet up with this tweet:

buttplugtweet2Oh well….

(I’m serious though…what’s with all the cat pictures out there all of the sudden?)

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25 Responses to “The Anatomy Of My 6000th Tweet”

  1. ohlidia May 13, 2013 at 9:20 AM #

    Too funny!

  2. silkpurseproductions May 13, 2013 at 9:56 AM #

    I love your thought process. It makes me happy to know that I am not alone. As for the cats…there have been way to many of them for way to long. Yeah, and the videos too.

    • Christopher De Voss May 13, 2013 at 9:58 AM #

      I know! They invade cities and neighborhoods and now the internet! I swear they are an alien race.

  3. Doggy's Style May 13, 2013 at 12:05 PM #

    I’m sure I marked that twit as favorite.
    It was funny.

  4. Carrie Rubin May 13, 2013 at 3:51 PM #

    Your tweet is fine. It’s not until the 7,000th tweet that sophistication is required.

    By the way, we’re going to Universal Studios this summer. I know my kids would love the Transformers ride. Hope it’s ready when we’re there. Nothing like waiting 2 hours in line in the muggy Orlando heat.

    • Christopher De Voss May 13, 2013 at 3:55 PM #

      Buy the fast pass. It’s well worth it! Trust me!

      • Carrie Rubin May 13, 2013 at 4:02 PM #

        We plan to, even though I always feel terrible about it. Like I’m budging in line.

      • Christopher De Voss May 13, 2013 at 4:05 PM #

        Don’t. Everyone has the option too. If you choose not in the summer at a theme park in Orlando, you are asking to wait for hours.

  5. Monk Monkey May 13, 2013 at 5:00 PM #

    Best 68th tweet ever.

  6. Andrew May 13, 2013 at 9:12 PM #

    The answer to “Bill Nye?” is always yes.

    • Christopher De Voss May 13, 2013 at 9:17 PM #

      Unless you’re the ex Mrs. Bill Nye.

      • Andrew May 13, 2013 at 9:17 PM #

        Too soon.

      • Christopher De Voss May 13, 2013 at 9:28 PM #

        Damn.

      • Andrew May 13, 2013 at 10:46 PM #

        Don’t worry. It happens more than Mr. Nye would like to admit.

  7. Kayla Lords May 13, 2013 at 9:26 PM #

    I think that’s a brilliant 6000th tweet!

    • Christopher De Voss May 13, 2013 at 9:27 PM #

      Thank you! (I thought so too, secretly)

      • Kayla Lords May 13, 2013 at 9:50 PM #

        I need to tweet more. Or at all. Keeping it to 140 characters is hard…and there’s the pressure of coming up with a BRILLIANT 6000th post…I don’t think I could do it. 😉

      • Christopher De Voss May 13, 2013 at 9:53 PM #

        It is hard. Sometimes I’ll just post it on Facebook instead because I can’t get it to work on Twitter with the constraints. Thank you for the brilliant compliment…my lady you are too kind!

  8. David Stewart May 14, 2013 at 6:39 AM #

    I like to retrace my thought process sometimes and see if I can. It’s like hitting the Back button after an hour in Wikipedia. By the way, what does it transform into? Not a tractor trailer, I hope.

    • Christopher De Voss May 14, 2013 at 4:48 PM #

      A robot….sorry…transformers turn into robots

      • David Stewart May 15, 2013 at 1:59 AM #

        okay, I should have known that. I don’t why something would turn into a different thing. Hopefully it would be a lubricated robot.

      • Christopher De Voss May 15, 2013 at 7:36 AM #

        😉

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