Adding F*cking To Famous Quotes Or Bringing Them Into Modern Times

28 Apr

Old:

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not ‘eureka!’ but ‘that’s funny…’ – Issac Asimov

New:

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not ‘Fuck!’ but ‘that’s fucking funny…’ – Issac Fucking Asimov

——

Old:

And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country.

My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man. – John F. Kennedy

New:

And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your fucking country can do for you — ask what you can do for your fucking country.

My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will fucking do for you, but what together we can do for the fucking freedom of man. – John Fucking Kennedy

—–

Old:

When hungry, eat your rice; when tired, close your eyes. Fools may laugh at me, but wise men will know what I mean. -Lin-Chi

New:

When fucking hungry, eat your fucking rice; when fucking tired, close your fucking eyes. Fools may fucking laugh at me, but wise men will know what I fucking mean. -Lin-Fucking-Chi

—–

Old:

To the man who only has a hammer, everything he encounters begins to look like a nail. -Abraham Maslow

New:

To the man who only has a hammer, everything he encounters begins to look like a fucking nail. -Abraham Fuckslow

—–

Old:

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

– Lao-Tze
New:
Fuck your thoughts; they become words.
Fuck your words; they become actions.
Fuck your actions; they become habits.
Fuck your habits; they become character.
Fuck your character; it becomes your fucking destiny.
—Fuck-Me
—–
Editor’s Note: I didn’t know if this would come off as funny…but fuck it.
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41 Responses to “Adding F*cking To Famous Quotes Or Bringing Them Into Modern Times”

  1. filledandfooled April 28, 2013 at 4:40 PM #

    I fucking liked it.

  2. westwickletimes April 28, 2013 at 4:45 PM #

    Yeah, why the fuck not?

    ‘I fuck therefore I am’ Descartes
    ‘God is fucking dead’ Nietzsche
    ‘If the United States or Britain is having elections, they don’t ask for observers from Africa or Asia. But when we have elections, they want fucking observers.’ Nelson Fucking Mandela.

    Swearing joke: Man comes out of a nice hotel in New York. A hobo comes up to him and asks:’Got a dollar to lend for a bus ride home, sir?’
    ‘”Neither a borrower nor a lender be” William Shakespeare,’ answers the well dressed man.
    ‘”Go fuck yourself” David Mamet,’ replies the hobo.
    ,

    • Christopher De Voss April 28, 2013 at 4:47 PM #

      We should write a book together.

      • westwickletimes April 28, 2013 at 5:21 PM #

        You’re on! I know an ideal publishing company. They’re already handling my poetry collection. They just require a small reading fee and a contribution to the first print run, but Bogdan assures me they can get great listings on Amazon.

      • Christopher De Voss April 28, 2013 at 6:34 PM #

        Hmmm…they want you to pay? Are you sure they are legit?

      • westwickletimes April 28, 2013 at 7:06 PM #

        It’s OK, i’m not going to part with any money. Just joking about the dodgy publishers. Unless you were joking too. I can’t tell anymore.
        I call an irony amnesty.
        Here’s my first effort:
        I think your blog is funny (it’s easier than I thought).

      • Christopher De Voss April 28, 2013 at 7:12 PM #

        Thank you. (and yes, don’t part with any money!)

  3. denmother April 28, 2013 at 4:51 PM #

    Christopher Fucking De Voss. A most excellent, modern ring to it.
    Denfuckingmother – ooh, I like as well!

  4. Anisa April 28, 2013 at 4:56 PM #

    Did you listen to Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me on NPR yesterday?? They did a similar bit, down to the Kennedy quote.

    • Christopher De Voss April 28, 2013 at 4:59 PM #

      NPR?!

      No….plus I try to be orginal.

      • Anisa April 28, 2013 at 5:01 PM #

        What’s wrong with NPR??

        Coincidence, then. No biggie, was just wondering.

      • Christopher De Voss April 28, 2013 at 5:02 PM #

        🙂

  5. isawbobdylaninaspeedo April 28, 2013 at 5:40 PM #

    Amerika FUCK YEAH…this was fuckin great.

  6. Monk Monkey April 28, 2013 at 6:36 PM #

    I never knew that’s what the F stood for in JFK. What does the F stand for in KFC?

  7. Kayla Lords April 28, 2013 at 7:37 PM #

    Fucking awesome!

  8. ksbeth April 28, 2013 at 7:56 PM #

    i’m seeing a fucking pattern!

  9. Ned's Blog April 28, 2013 at 10:20 PM #

    You know, this could be really big! Especially in advertising slogans! For example: Burger King: “Have it your F***ing way!” or “AAMCO.. double A (honk-honk) F***ing M.C.O.!” and “What happens in Vegas F***ing STAYS in Vegas!” You get the idea…

    • Christopher De Voss April 28, 2013 at 10:24 PM #

      Why not? It’s F***ing 2013 for goodness sakes.

      • Ned's Blog April 28, 2013 at 10:26 PM #

        My F***ing thoughts exactly. By the way, this was a great post, Chris. F***ing-A…

      • Christopher De Voss April 28, 2013 at 10:30 PM #

        Thank you sir!

  10. The Vanilla Housewife April 29, 2013 at 4:35 AM #

    with all these fuckity, you forgot CindiFuckingRella. Great post!

    • Christopher De Voss April 29, 2013 at 6:35 AM #

      And her fucking glass slipper. What you woman do to your feet!

  11. David Stewart April 29, 2013 at 10:12 AM #

    That was pretty funny. I could see it as the basis for a book.

    • Christopher De Voss April 29, 2013 at 10:14 AM #

      Ha Ha. A book for the bathroom.

      • David Stewart April 29, 2013 at 10:17 AM #

        Yep. And put each one in those boxes with big fonts, like an inspirational book. Maybe pictures of sunsets or mountains too.

      • Christopher De Voss April 29, 2013 at 10:19 AM #

        Perfect!

  12. calahan April 29, 2013 at 6:21 PM #

    It was just that type of language everyone worried would be used if we elected an Irish Catholic for President. Hind-fucking-sight, am I right?

    • Christopher De Voss April 29, 2013 at 7:27 PM #

      You are always right…oops thought I was talking to my wife for a second…

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