The Brain Trust

8 Apr

The Right Half  and the Left Half of my brain were fighting.

Apparently, while I was sleeping last night, the Right Half of my brain threw a pencil at the Left Half of my brain.

It made the Left Half of my brain really, really amgry.

Like…really angry.

Why did the Right Half of my brain throw a pencil at the Left Half?

I don’t know….to be a dick?

…to be funny?

….because it needed sharpened?

So the Left Half of my brain devised all sorts of plans to get even with the Right Half, including but not limited to, designing a thermal nuclear rocket.

This seems a little over-the-top, but my Left Brain Half is a thinker.

Well, the Right Half found out what the Left Half was planning on, and he got a little nervous.

As he should!

The Right Half tried to think of what he should do…it was just a pencil for gosh sake’s…a thermal nuclear rocket seemed a little drastic…but all the Right Half could think of at the moment, was Lesbian porn.

(It was the middle of the night in my head… in case you forgot.)

Then suddenly, the Right Half had an idea. It would get the Left Half a present.

A present makes everyone feel better.

But what sort of present should he get an intellectual, over-thinking, logical, scientific Left brain?

A baseball?

A baseball card?

An Electric Shaver?

A Soduku Book?

No. Something Left could use…with all of his thinking, and strategizing, and ponderings.

A pen. A really nice ballpoint pen. A .162 Precious Resin Meisterstück perhaps?

Yes!

And Right tried to set it right with the gift of the pen to the Left, who upon recieving the pen said,

“What’s this, Right? This garbage? You of all brain halfs should know only a Monteblanc .164 Classic would do for me! Are you the brain of a goat?”

So the Right Half threw the pen at him.

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20 Responses to “The Brain Trust”

  1. Bumba April 8, 2013 at 4:04 PM #

    A half-brained idea! Forget the pen, he should’ve thrown the book at him.

    • Christopher De Voss April 8, 2013 at 7:30 PM #

      That would have hurt more. I already had to take 3 advil.

  2. Carrie Rubin April 8, 2013 at 4:23 PM #

    You’re lucky. At least the two halves of your brain communicate with each other. Mine tend to ignore each other, which is why I have to work so hard to decipher abstract writing and art. I usually just give up.

    • Christopher De Voss April 8, 2013 at 7:30 PM #

      They don’t talk to me though. I get lonely sometimes.

      • Carrie Rubin April 8, 2013 at 7:35 PM #

        Ah, that makes me sad. Perhaps you can get a soccer ball for a companion. But be sure to smear a little blood on it first. (And I really hope you’ve seen the movie Castaway or this comment will make me look insane.)

      • Christopher De Voss April 8, 2013 at 7:40 PM #

        I only saw the plane crash and the island rescue. I skipped the middle.

  3. ksbeth April 8, 2013 at 6:30 PM #

    i like the ending. a lot.

  4. The Bumble Files April 8, 2013 at 6:51 PM #

    You have a very active brain, Chris! At least they’re talking to each other. That’s a start right, and so long as they inflict bodily harm on you.

  5. Adam S April 8, 2013 at 10:31 PM #

    I think I only have the right half.

  6. Monk Monkey April 9, 2013 at 6:27 AM #

    OK…put the drugs down and move away from the computer…

  7. David Stewart April 9, 2013 at 11:09 AM #

    Brain Wars: sounds like a good idea for a show/book/movie/hallucination

  8. MissFourEyes April 9, 2013 at 1:56 PM #

    My Right Half and Left Half hate each other too. They usually resort to fist fights though.

  9. ohlidia April 10, 2013 at 9:38 AM #

    You just made me giggle!

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