Math equations and formulas run our daily lives, whether we realize it or not. Subconsciously your brain is constantly at work producing algebraic ways of dealing with life’s little and grand problems. You don’t know you’re doing it, your brain just does it.

If you’re a man, you’re in constant indecision and need these formulas to balance every day tasks.

Here are some situations where these formulas come into play:

(And you thought Algebra was a waste of time!)

When Asking For A Tool You Can’t Remember The Name Of:

The Formula:
Size + Airplane Part + Bolt/Screw Name + Tool Type
Example:
1 & ¼ Wing Screw Ratchet or 9mm Propeller Nut Wrench
—–
When Having A Secret Ingredient In A Recipe:
The Formula:
Any Country Or People + Adjective + Color + Vegetable or Fruit.

Example:
Japanese Sweet Purple Asparagus or Australian Sour Blue Pineapples
—–
When Naming Your Own Microbrew:

The Formula:
Any City Or Place + Animal Body Part + Type Of Beer.

Example:
West Side Bear Claw Pale Ale or New York Platypus Foot Amber
—–
When Nick-Naming A Famous Sports Play:

The Formula:
Determiner + Adjective + A Last Name + “ski” + Sports Action

Example:
The Great Buddowski Slap or The Big Smithski Pass
—–
When Naming An Elderly Dog:

The Formula:
Adjective + Old – “D” + Color (except rule: can be a southern stereotype)

Example:
Big Ol’ Blue or Great Ol’ Yella
—–
For Picking Out A Porn To Watch:

The Formula:
(Boobs * X) / (Penis * Y) = Time Before Turning Off
—–
For Buying A Car:
The Formula:
Cool Factor/(Mpg) > Price – Free Floor Mats
—–
Determining When To Quit Playing A Video Game:

The Formula:
x/number of kills * <10 year old or > 45 year old = When To Throw The Controller Through The TV
—–
Should You Take A Chick Home From The Bar:

The Formula:
Number of Drinks + Last Call/How Many Times She Laughs At Your Jokes – The Number Of Times She Touches Your Leg Or Arm = Is There Anyone Else Left In The Bar/ Her Weight
—-
When To Ask For Directions From A Stranger:

The Formula:
Are You Lost * Wife (Girlfriend) In The Car = Over My Dead Body You’ll Ask For Directions – Act Like A Man Damnit!
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Tags: 2012, blog, christmas 2012, dog, funny, humor, humour, math, microbrew, old shoes, porn, tools

I feel like I read this already somewhere…

Shhh!

Well, was still good the second time.

Cool!

You can use them in your everyday life.

What Becca said, but still awesome.

Reblog!

I had no idea you were both smart AND beautiful!

I feel like you have unlocked the secrets of the universe!

Or beautifully smart

I have a bad feeling the car-buying formula doesn’t apply to minivans…

It applies to everything!

I am so bad at math.

Me too. Unless it deals with porn.

I was told there would be no math.

They lied. There is always math.

My head hurts a little, Chris. Thanks for doing all that math!

Your welcome. I hate math, but it rules the universe.

I thought I’d never have to deal with math again…thanks a lot!

Sorry, but you use it all the time…you just don’t know it.

Those naming formulas are great. I’m going to sit around and make up some stuff right now so that I can throw the names around this weekend and watch the looks I get.

Fun!

So rumor mill says you might not have made this up yourself; but I give you props for finding it because it’s hilarious.

I did make it up, I just published it somewhere else as well. (tmrzoo.com)

Well then, color me green with envy on your mathematical genius AND your ability to use this in two places! =D

Or my laziness to use this in two places

Haha, nope, brilliance 😉

Amish Curly Orange Potatoes. Thanks for the formula. I think I’ll write a cookbook.

A Susan Hunter inspired cookbook?

New York Platypus Foot Amber…mmm. Sounds like there should be a cream for that.

Of course, I’m such a nerd, I want to go through and figure out possible answers. I guess in the porn one, if it were lesbians, it would dividing by zero. Does that mean you never turn it off?

Never turn it off!

My favorite porn site was shut down, so I guess that leaves me out of the equation

Or to find a whole new equation all together

(sigh) adjusting to change