The Formula’s Of Life

7 Dec

Math equations and formulas run our daily lives, whether we realize it or not. Subconsciously your brain is constantly at work producing algebraic ways of dealing with life’s little and grand problems. You don’t know you’re doing it, your brain just does it.

If you’re a man, you’re in constant indecision and need these formulas to balance every day tasks.

Here are some situations where these formulas come into play:

(And you thought Algebra was a waste of time!)

    When Asking For A Tool You Can’t Remember The Name Of:
The Formula:
Size + Airplane Part + Bolt/Screw Name + Tool Type
Example:
1 & ¼ Wing Screw Ratchet or 9mm Propeller Nut Wrench
 
—–
 
     When Having A Secret Ingredient In A Recipe:
The Formula:
Any Country Or People + Adjective + Color + Vegetable or Fruit.
Example:
Japanese Sweet Purple Asparagus or Australian Sour Blue Pineapples
 
—–
 
   When Naming Your Own Microbrew:
The Formula:
Any City Or Place + Animal Body Part  + Type Of Beer.
Example:
West Side Bear Claw Pale Ale or New York Platypus Foot Amber
 
—–
 
  When Nick-Naming A Famous Sports Play:
The Formula:
Determiner + Adjective + A Last Name + “ski” + Sports Action
Example:
The Great Buddowski Slap or The Big Smithski Pass
 
—–
 
 When Naming An Elderly Dog:
The Formula:
Adjective + Old – “D” + Color (except rule: can be a southern stereotype)
Example:
Big Ol’ Blue or Great Ol’ Yella
 
—–
 
 For Picking Out A Porn To Watch:
The Formula:
(Boobs * X) / (Penis * Y) = Time Before Turning Off
 
—–
 
 For Buying A Car:
The Formula:
Cool Factor/(Mpg) > Price – Free Floor Mats
 
—–
 
 Determining When To Quit Playing A Video Game:
The Formula:
x/number of kills * <10 year old or > 45 year old = When To Throw The Controller Through The TV
 
—–
 
 Should You Take A Chick Home From The Bar:
The Formula:
Number of Drinks + Last Call/How Many Times She Laughs At Your Jokes – The Number Of Times She Touches Your Leg Or Arm = Is There Anyone Else Left In The Bar/ Her Weight
 
—-
 
 When To Ask For Directions From A Stranger:
The Formula:
Are You Lost * Wife (Girlfriend) In The Car = Over My Dead Body You’ll Ask For Directions – Act Like A Man Damnit!
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33 Responses to “The Formula’s Of Life”

  1. becca3416 December 7, 2012 at 3:40 PM #

    I feel like I read this already somewhere…

  2. RFL December 7, 2012 at 3:47 PM #

    What Becca said, but still awesome.

  3. davidhardingblogs December 7, 2012 at 4:08 PM #

    I had no idea you were both smart AND beautiful!
    I feel like you have unlocked the secrets of the universe!

  4. Love and Lunchmeat December 7, 2012 at 4:56 PM #

    I have a bad feeling the car-buying formula doesn’t apply to minivans…

  5. Jen and Tonic December 7, 2012 at 6:19 PM #

    I am so bad at math.

  6. Karen December 7, 2012 at 6:28 PM #

    I was told there would be no math.

  7. The Bumble Files December 7, 2012 at 7:42 PM #

    My head hurts a little, Chris. Thanks for doing all that math!

    • Christopher De Voss December 7, 2012 at 10:50 PM #

      Your welcome. I hate math, but it rules the universe.

  8. ummqamarblogs December 7, 2012 at 10:06 PM #

    I thought I’d never have to deal with math again…thanks a lot!

    • Christopher De Voss December 7, 2012 at 10:49 PM #

      Sorry, but you use it all the time…you just don’t know it.

  9. Madame Weebles December 8, 2012 at 12:21 AM #

    Those naming formulas are great. I’m going to sit around and make up some stuff right now so that I can throw the names around this weekend and watch the looks I get.

  10. GiggsMcGill Jill December 8, 2012 at 12:27 AM #

    So rumor mill says you might not have made this up yourself; but I give you props for finding it because it’s hilarious.

    • Christopher De Voss December 8, 2012 at 8:05 AM #

      I did make it up, I just published it somewhere else as well. (tmrzoo.com)

      • GiggsMcGill Jill December 8, 2012 at 3:26 PM #

        Well then, color me green with envy on your mathematical genius AND your ability to use this in two places! =D

      • Christopher De Voss December 9, 2012 at 7:57 AM #

        Or my laziness to use this in two places

      • GiggsMcGill Jill December 9, 2012 at 5:58 PM #

        Haha, nope, brilliance 😉

  11. Maddie Cochere December 8, 2012 at 12:37 AM #

    Amish Curly Orange Potatoes. Thanks for the formula. I think I’ll write a cookbook.

  12. David Stewart December 8, 2012 at 7:03 AM #

    New York Platypus Foot Amber…mmm. Sounds like there should be a cream for that.
    Of course, I’m such a nerd, I want to go through and figure out possible answers. I guess in the porn one, if it were lesbians, it would dividing by zero. Does that mean you never turn it off?

  13. TheGirl December 9, 2012 at 3:59 PM #

    My favorite porn site was shut down, so I guess that leaves me out of the equation

    • Christopher De Voss December 9, 2012 at 5:23 PM #

      Or to find a whole new equation all together

      • TheGirl December 9, 2012 at 5:31 PM #

        (sigh) adjusting to change

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