Meet Mark Desenti – Zombie Survival Expert

5 Dec

There is a quiet city just north of Orlando called Clermont. It’s a growing community located on the main route 50 highway. It’s got rolling hills, a few car dealerships, a Kmart, and a Target. When the Chipolte restaurant opened up recently, it was a big deal.

Just off Highway 50 is a subdivision about a mile down. It springs up out of nowhere a little after seeing nothing but rolling grass and trees. In this subdivision is an important house. It belongs to Mark DeSenti, a Zombie Survival Expert.

“Zombies? Pfffft!” you scoff.

But ask yourself: If the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta felt the need to write up and publish information on zombies and zombie attacks…are you really willing to discount the fact that it could not happen? Are you willing to risk your life and the lives of your loved ones and pets because you discount it as mere late night movie fodder? Do you want to be caught with your pants down, around your ankles, as several hungry zombies turn you into a seven course intestinal meal?

Of course not!

But where to begin?

That’s where people like Mark can help.

Mark DeSenti, Zombie Survival Expert

Mark DeSenti, Zombie Survival Expert

Mark recently let me into his zombie room, which is part tribute to the genre, and part survival preparation center. And in the center of his collection, a very real and useful Zombie Survival Kit.

Looks like an ordinary house, but inside that second floor window lies the key to zombie survival.

Looks like an ordinary house, but inside that second floor window lies the key to zombie survival.

The purpose of the kit, of course, is to be able to house the essential tools needed to survive an actual zombie attack. The kit also must be portable in case anyone needs to vacate from an oncoming, non-stop, zombie horde.

Mark keeps the key in a secret safe place.

Mark keeps the key in a secret safe place.

So let’s unlock this and check what’s inside:

opening the kit

First up you should have some tools. A good multi-tool is essential and can be found easily at any Home Depot. Mark acquired this unique portable saw and added it to his personal kit. You may want to include a rubber mallet and nails as well.


First up you should have some tools. A good multi-tool is essential and can be found easily at any Home Depot. Mark acquired this unique portable saw and added it to his personal kit. You may want to include a rubber mallet and nails as well.

Zombie Kit building 101 always includes the machete. Not only is it an invaluable tool for a variety of reasons, it is also a deadly bludging weapon.

Zombie Kit building 101 always includes the machete. Not only is it an invaluable tool for a variety of reasons, it is also a deadly bludging weapon.

And speaking of weapons...pictured here is a Raging Bull .44 Magnum. Big, powerful, responsive.

And speaking of weapons…pictured here is a Raging Bull .44 Magnum. Big, powerful, responsive.

The actual name of the ammunition that the .44 takes is called Zombie Killers. If that doesn’t tell you this is the right weapon for the job, then nothing will.


The actual name of the ammunition that the .44 takes is called Zombie Killers. If that doesn’t tell you this is the right weapon for the job, then nothing will.

Contains of the kit: Portable Saw, Machete, Bowie Knife, Raging Bull .44 Magnum, Cobra 380, Ammunition. Not in the picture: .22 Long Range Rifle, and a Handheld Crossbow.

Contains of the kit: Portable Saw, Machete, Bowie Knife, Raging Bull .44 Magnum, Cobra 380, Ammunition. Not in the picture: .22 Long Range Rifle, and a Handheld Crossbow.

Now, besides what is in the grab and go box…also on hand:

Water jugs, canned food, a tent, and tarps.

Water jugs, canned food, a tent, and tarps.

Mark has also devised specific escape plans if needed, sort of like when you had to come up with a fire escape route for your house in grade school. What is really cool is that Mark’s preparedness will come in handy for any type of emergency situation, including Florida’s most common natural enemy, hurricanes.

He is also very astute when it comes to the layout of the area surrounding his house, and has devised several specific and different alternative plans if anything should go wrong.

An example of some good advice from Mark:

“If you can get to a UHaul Storage Place that has trucks. Get one. They are generally full of gas, because people are required to bring them back with a full tank. They have room for everything of course, and they can take a beating.”

So basically if you live in Clermont, Florida and the zombies come, find Mark. Or if you are nowhere near him, instead hire him out to help you put together your own Zombie Survival Kit and devise your best escape routes.

You can contact him here: Markdesenti@cfl.rr.com

My only advice to Mark for the Zombie Survival Kit…add a deck of cards. In the off chance there is any down time at all…not likely…you made need some entertainment.

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47 Responses to “Meet Mark Desenti – Zombie Survival Expert”

  1. Jen and Tonic December 5, 2012 at 3:48 PM #

    The people here in Portland take the Zombie Apocalypse so seriously that they offer classes: http://trackerspdx.com/zombie-apocalypse/zombie-first-responder.php

  2. Madame Weebles December 5, 2012 at 4:07 PM #

    This is good to know. My parents are in Maitland, so they’re near enough to Mark. What a relief.

    • Christopher De Voss December 5, 2012 at 4:11 PM #

      About an hour and a half or so…in Florida that’s close enough.

  3. Christopher De Voss December 5, 2012 at 4:09 PM #

    Yes. Immediately.

  4. becca3416 December 5, 2012 at 4:29 PM #

    Thanks, now all I want to do is play Left for Dead. Which isn’t possible without a Xbox. Which I don’t have anymore.

    • Christopher De Voss December 5, 2012 at 5:25 PM #

      My XBox died as well…and didn’t come back to life.

      • becca3416 December 5, 2012 at 5:37 PM #

        Well mine is still alive, only it wasn’t ever really mine, just maybe my ex boyfriend’s.

      • Christopher De Voss December 5, 2012 at 8:49 PM #

        Sucks losing a child in a divorce.

  5. bodhimoments December 5, 2012 at 6:10 PM #

    Oh No!!!! Do the Zombies have any plans to invade Australia? We are not allowed to carry firearms. In fact, I am sure that even machetes are not allowed. Perhaps I should set up a petition to allow us to build Zombie survival kits? Oh dera! it takes 17/18 hours to get to Orlando! Does Mark do Webinars? I am seriously freaked out!!!!!!

  6. Bumba December 5, 2012 at 8:36 PM #

    What? No heavy artillery?

    • Christopher De Voss December 5, 2012 at 8:47 PM #

      You have to be able to travel.

      • Bumba December 5, 2012 at 9:38 PM #

        Thank you for the thoughtful military counsel.

  7. David Stewart December 5, 2012 at 8:47 PM #

    It would be ironic if the zombie apocalpyse happened and he lost the key. I agree a deck of cards is essential. The last thing you want is a bunch of people holed up together with nothing but weapons to play with.

  8. The Bumble Files December 5, 2012 at 11:14 PM #

    I always wanted to meet a zombie survival expert. Thanks, Chris. That guy is prepared. Nice tip about the U-haul truck. I never thought of that one.

  9. Maddie Cochere December 6, 2012 at 2:11 AM #

    You’re moving to Florida!!! 😉

  10. Maddie Cochere December 6, 2012 at 2:17 AM #

    Can you get close enough to a zombie to actually saw some body parts off with that portable saw? Or will I just be using it in the survival part of the equation?

  11. davidhardingblogs December 6, 2012 at 2:55 AM #

    Unbelievable. I have no belief. But somehow strangely…I want.

  12. workspousestory December 6, 2012 at 10:46 AM #

    Bloody hell.

    Although it would be good to have him for a neighbour…

    • Christopher De Voss December 6, 2012 at 10:51 AM #

      You would need to move to Clermont, Florida.

      • workspousestory December 6, 2012 at 10:54 AM #

        I suggest moving to London; I think it’s much more of a fun place for Zombie apocalypse. Things *really* would be happening here, what with all the overpopulation and stuff.

      • Christopher De Voss December 6, 2012 at 10:59 AM #

        No! Zombies are slow in America! They are super fast in England! You need to watch 28 Days Later.

      • workspousestory December 6, 2012 at 11:12 AM #

        Exactly. That’s what I mean – so much more fun here, proper slaughter.

        That movie, by the way, was a cause for insomnia for about 3 weeks for me.

      • Christopher De Voss December 6, 2012 at 11:14 AM #

        Bloody right!

  13. GiggsMcGill Jill December 6, 2012 at 5:37 PM #

    The UHaul truck is a great idea! And if you can’t get to Uhaul – rental places require cars to be returned with gas too! So while not as durable, you could probably get a fast ferrari or something, you know, to get away.

  14. gswaterman December 8, 2012 at 3:05 PM #

    Thanks so much for bringing all of this life-saving advice out now. I going to put the house on the market and plan on moving into a U-Haul storage unit, so I will be close to the trucks. Can’t trust that I can get there quickly enough – even with the advantage of slow zombies. Just hope they’re suitable for cable service.

    • Christopher De Voss December 9, 2012 at 7:58 AM #

      I don’t know if you would need a UHaul if you moved into a storage unit, for lack of stuff you would have…oh the irony!

  15. Sahm King August 14, 2013 at 12:30 AM #

    I just had to do a random search on your blog for “Florida Zombies.” The search did not disappoint. I would expect that, after that one Zombie attack in Florida, EVERYONE would have a Zombie Survival Kit. This is hilarious, but at the same time, very informative. I think I should make one of my own.

    • Christopher De Voss August 14, 2013 at 12:33 AM #

      You never know…you can also check out zombiesurvivalcrew.com for some great tips.

  16. Sahm King August 14, 2013 at 12:31 AM #

    Reblogged this on The Arkside of Thought by Sahm King and commented:
    PEOPLE! You all need to setup zombie kits. NOW. And if you need some help, check out this post!

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