Some Modern Day Child’s Sing-Songy Nursery Rhymes

 

Some updated nursery and/or sing-songy rhymes for the kiddies instead of the old Hey Diddle Diddle and the Hickory Dickory Dock of yesteryear…

 

 

Peanut Butter Peanut Butter

Pie Pie Pie

Peanut Butter Peanut Butter

Pie Pie Pie

Strawberry Shortcake

Kick Them In The Eye

Eye Eye Eye

Pat Them Down, Pat Them Down

Like The Airport Security Guy

Guy Guy Guy

Don’t Tip The Waiter

And You’ll Make Him Cry

Cry Cry Cry

Peanut Butter Peanut Butter

Pie Pie Pie

 

—–

 

If I Had A Nickel

For Every Nickel I Had

Then I Would Have Double The Nickels

And You Would Be Sad

 

—–

(This one would be one of those clapping/slapping hand games that little girls do.)

 

Four And Twenty Lawyers

Went To A Market

 In Their BMWs

For The Firm They Mark It

Then In Order To Get Ahead

They Piled Out And Said;

“One To Chase An Ambulance;

Two To Prey On The Elderly; 

Three To Sue The Land Owner;

And Four To Count The Money;

Of All They Cheated And Bled!”

 

—–

 

A Mouse And A Piece Of Cheese

Went On Killing Sprees

While Playing Call Of Duty

Which Made Them Both Moody

Said The Mouse To The Cheese,

“I Do What I Please!”

And Gobbled Him Up

With The Greatest Of Ease.

Then The Mouse Leveled Up

Earning New Weapons And Stuff

While The Cheese

Was Farted Out

In The Breeze

 

 

 —–

 

 

 Death Metal Baby

Sitting In A Tree

Pierced All Over

From Head To Knee

He Fell From Branch To Branch

And Now His Nose Piercing 

Looks Like Three

 

 

 —–

Some praise for Humorist Christopher De Voss’ Some Modern Day Child’s Sing-Songy Nursery Rhymes:

 

“I don’t get it!” – A Random Child

 

“Weird and unnecessary. Children all over the world are sure to hate these, except those that live in Utah.” – The Modern Rhymer Magazine

 

“I laughed. I cried. I really loved this movie. Then I logged onto this web site and threw up my popcorn.” – Roger Ebert

 

“Nothing needed improving here…Mr. De Voss is obviously delusional. A fat head if you will! I would give my left nut to see him in jail!” – A Random Homeless Man Who Doesn’t Even Know How To Read.

 

“I thought it was funny, different, and a tad bit clever!” – An Imaginary Dragon That Lives In My Downstairs Coat Closet And Has A Pet Chicken As A Best Friend

 

“C’mon! Who doesn’t like Cheesecake?!” – The Cheesecake Factory

 

“Why is every letter capitalized?!” – Protesters For An All Lowercase Nation