In Honor Of Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October is the month to recognize Boob Cancer.

I think it was the great Biz Marke* that once said, “Boobs make the world go ’round, bitch.”

One of my favorite charities is Rock Pink.  Check ’em out.

In honor of saving Women’s Breasts’s’ses I have assembled some little known boob facts. It took a lot of time, effort, and endless hours of looking at boobs to compile this list, so please enjoy:

1) The average woman has two boobs.

— Weird, but true. Sub fact to this is that there are never more than two. (That scene from Total Recall was not real.) 

2) Motorboating, a term that refers to sticking one’s face in between two breasts and pretending you’re** making bubbles in water, while shaking your head back and forth, was invented in the early 1800s.

— France lays claim to the invention of motorboating, which was called: bateau à moteur. However, it has been widely proven to actually be invented in America by founding father Ben Franklin. At the time it was called; Paddling a canoe like you’re sinking. And instead of today’s : Brrrrrrrrr noise that you make with your lips, you made a Wishwishwishwish noise.

It has been modified over the years to bring it into modern times.

3) Man Boobs are becoming quite common. They first started appearing in the late ’80s and have been gaining un-popularity ever since.

— Man Boobs are not as sexy as their counterpart female versions. Men however can also get Breast Cancer, sporting man boob or not.

4) The smallest and largest boobs on record were held by the same woman!

— Stella Gray, now age 45, was lucky enough to be able to cop a feel of Abby Westmester’s -A’s and Norma Stitz’s  102ZZZ’s in the same day! When Stella was interviewed on the event, she had this to say,

“Well, we were sitting on the subway when it suddenly made a quick stop. I was thrown into Mrs. Stitz’s breasts quite by accident, but they did help cushion the blow of the sudden jolt of the train stopping. As I was trying to get to my feet, I reached up to support myself by inadvertently touching Mrs. Westmester’s chest, whom I thought to be a very cold boy. (Think about it.)”

5)   Women of all cultures, races, and religions have boobs.

— It’s true. I have counted something like 1,045,673,389,486,390,847*** boobs so far…and there are still more out there. You can find boobs in your community, in your neighborhood, at the mall, on TV, at a hockey game, near a restaurant…everywhere! I once saw boobs at a dog show!

Wild!

Mostly because I would never go to a dog show!

Fliping off Breast Cancer: http://www.jointhepinkarmy.com, http://www.dana-farber.org, http://www.bcrfcure.org, http://www.the-rose.org, http://www.lbbc.org, ww5.komen.org, http://www.karmanos.org

*Not sure if he really said that

** See, I’m a real writer now!

*** The joke being the odd number.