A Teenager Interviews Me

10 Oct

Carlos Santiago, age 14, was supposed to interview someone who was influential in the community for school. Well, in true teenage fashion, Carlos dragged his heels and was now desperate. So last minute, guess who comes knocking on my door?

Did you say Carlos?

Because the answer was really obvious if you didn’t.

I told Carlos I’m nobody, and I don’t really do anything for the community. He said that I was being published, so that would be good enough for now and besides his project was due tomorrow.

Fair enough.

I told him the only way I would do it is if I could put it on my blog because I have no good ideas for a post today anyway. He said he didn’t care if I did, he doesn’t read my blog anyway.

Really?

Ok.

Well here it is:

Today we are interviewing Chris De Voss, one of the authors of Zombie Survival Crews up and coming book. Chris, what is the title?

Um, no title or release date announced yet. However, it’s a compilation of stories, art, and poems all with a zombie theme. This is their second book, and I’m excited to be a part of it.

Just stick to answering the question directly please.  I don’t need a sales pitch. It’s not like I’m going to read it. Zombies are stupid. I mean really, really dumb things to write about. Hello? Shot to the head. End of story. What is your favorite movie, and if you say a zombie movie, you’re lame.

Well, guess what you little…um…ok…it’s actually Better Off Dead. It’s a comedy. So there!

Never heard of it.

John Cusack movie from the 80’s. Super funny.

Who is John Cusack? Not that it matters, I’m not going to watch it! Old man movie! It’s like 70 years old.

You’re math is really off and how about we move on to the next question.

What is your favorite book?

World War Z. It is a zombie book, and I don’t care if you think it’s lame. I grew up reading a lot of Stephen King, so I guess I have always liked the horror genre. Hey, Carlos…you know what’s lame? Interviewing someone on all their favorite things. I think you might get a better grade on this if you get a little more in depth or detailed with your questions.

What is your favorite color?

Green. Really?!

You write a blog. I don’t read it. What’s it called?

Well, it was called The Zombie Journals, because it was going to be about zombies. Then I decided to write about whatever, so now it’s not really called anything. Just kind of my blog, I guess. Ha Ha.

That’s stupid. 

I’m sorry. Is there another question? Or are we ending it there?

Yeah, I have to ask more. This isn’t long enough. You’re pretty boring, so I don’t know what to ask.

Well, Carlos…isn’t this suppose to be about someone who helps the community? So why don’t you ask me what I do for the community.

Oh yeah. Thanks. What are some of the things you do for the community?

Nothing.

Hey! That’s not helping! Do you want me to fail?

Carlos, I don’t want you to fail, but you can’t be mean to me either. Usually interviewers don’t insult their interviewees. Except maybe David Letterman.

Oh. Yeah. Sorry. I guess I was a little hard on you.

So ask me something else. Make it good. Get an A on this assignment.

Soooooo…when you write your blog…well it’s pretty dumb. Do you smoke a lot of weed before you write something? It seems like you do.

No….

Get Drunk?

No!

Do you have a mental plate in your head?

No! I thought you said you don’t read it.

Well, sometimes if there is nothing on TV…

Do you have any real questions? Because I have lost interest in helping you.

What is your favorite color?

Good luck on your grade Carlos. Goodbye.

 

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29 Responses to “A Teenager Interviews Me”

  1. speedygonzales97 October 10, 2012 at 3:11 PM #

    Reblogged this on The random daily life….

  2. becca3416 October 10, 2012 at 3:15 PM #

    I couldn’t get through the interview because once you said John Cusack I just went off and started Googling pictures of him. I can’t explain it, but once I had a sexy dream with him in it and ever since he just does it for me. Well, I guess I just did explain it.

    • Christopher De Voss October 10, 2012 at 11:40 PM #

      Weird, I had the same dream. Let me tell you, that John is an experienced lover.

      • becca3416 October 11, 2012 at 11:48 AM #

        Don’t you dare take advantage of my dream Cusack.

  3. davidhardingblogs October 10, 2012 at 3:43 PM #

    Let us know if he gets an A! Fingers crossed Carlos!

  4. kizzylee October 10, 2012 at 4:41 PM #

    love it 🙂 i need to find a teen to interview me now 🙂
    love your blog always brings a smile to my face
    have a great day ermm evening or have a great time of day where ever you are, tc

    • Christopher De Voss October 10, 2012 at 11:42 PM #

      I will! You have a great time of day wherever you are as well!

  5. Christopher De Voss October 10, 2012 at 11:41 PM #

    He is way too young for that!

  6. Sword-chinned bitch October 11, 2012 at 12:10 AM #

    I say you should do more interviews.

    • Christopher De Voss October 11, 2012 at 12:29 AM #

      I’m the most interviewed un-famous person alive.

  7. Maddie Cochere October 11, 2012 at 12:30 AM #

    In my head, you are famous.

    • Christopher De Voss October 11, 2012 at 7:34 AM #

      Weird. In my head I’m famous too.

  8. gingerfightback October 11, 2012 at 3:20 AM #

    Carlos is destined for a place in the Pantheon of Journalists.

    • Christopher De Voss October 11, 2012 at 7:33 AM #

      Or working for a tabloid.

      • gingerfightback October 11, 2012 at 8:55 AM #

        Agreed.

  9. jayne ayres October 11, 2012 at 3:28 AM #

    you should interview him ( at least TELL HIM that) for your blog VIA texting like you text your friends with nonsense. That would be a great post!

    • Christopher De Voss October 11, 2012 at 7:33 AM #

      I like the way you think!

      • jayne ayres October 11, 2012 at 1:43 PM #

        Well, you did provide me with a target!

  10. Doggy's Style October 11, 2012 at 5:02 AM #

    I like Carlos’ way, he’s bitter.

    • Christopher De Voss October 11, 2012 at 7:32 AM #

      Yeah he is! A little too much for someone who hasn’t lived that long!

  11. Love and Lunchmeat October 11, 2012 at 4:47 PM #

    Why do I get the feeling that Carlos also likes green things? And nature… And growing things…

    • Christopher De Voss October 11, 2012 at 11:29 PM #

      What are you saying? Carlos has a green thumb?

  12. David Stewart October 14, 2012 at 8:30 AM #

    Kids these days. Bunch of punks, don’t even know who John Cusack is.

    • Christopher De Voss October 14, 2012 at 8:38 AM #

      I know! Greatest actor of all time!

  13. Jillian October 22, 2012 at 6:04 PM #

    This is one of the many reasons I despise high schoolers. And middle schoolers. And children – wait, that came from teaching them… *sigh*

    • Christopher De Voss October 22, 2012 at 6:14 PM #

      And being underpaid. I know. My Mom was a teacher.

      • Jillian October 22, 2012 at 6:17 PM #

        That year gave me the biggest appreciation for teachers ever!

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