One More Post About Unicorns, But A Manly One

5 Oct

Well…here’s what happened.

Monday, I threw a party for La La where unicorns were present.

And then…

Wednesday I posted about a unicorn mask…which in my defense was actually supposed to be posted last week, but it got bumped.

Which makes two back to back posts about unicorns…

on my blog…

which primarily is not about unicorns.

So…

At the risk of my manhood…

I decided to keep the unicorn theme going.

Oops!

But wait! Hold on! Gots me an idea!

With the help of some of the neighborhood children, I’m going to put together one bad ass, manly, tough-as-nails unicorn!

Let’s start with a basic unicorn:

All the ladies go, “Awwwww! Grant me a wish!”

Ladies, don’t get too swoony, or ride off into that sunset with a Prince yet!

Ladies, I will hypnotize you with my douche ‘stache and my douche sideburns as  we ride off into the sunset on my unicorn…(um, take that anyway you want)

We are making a cool manly man unicorn!

First up is some advice from Billy, age 8:

“Let’s give him tiger stripes! Rawr!”

Good call, Billy! Looking tough already.

Next is Carlos, age 10:

“Machine guns! Duh!”

Tiger striped, machine gun toting unicorn! America F* Yeah!

Poncey age 5, from down the street:

“Pink rubber rain boots.”

Ummm…the kid’s name is Poncey after all. Still manly, I think. No, no. It is. Trust me.

 Timothy age 11,

“Something to protect his head!”

Good call! Our killing machine unicorn needs some protection!

Timothy interjects:

“I was thinking more of something like this…”

I respond:

“This is far better projection in battles against evil doers and transformers!”

Timothy the Stubborn:

“This has more swag and street cred! And make sure it’s off to the side.”

“Great!”

Well, I think I’m going to regret this, but I’m going to take one more suggestion from Oliver, age 7, originally from England, now transplanted to Florida. The Brits are sophisticated in the art of war, he should have a damn fine suggestion!

Oliver’s brilliant suggestion:

“Father says, the British start and end wars with a spot of tea. So this unicorn needs some tea first.”

Not even going to try to argue at this point.

I give up!

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32 Responses to “One More Post About Unicorns, But A Manly One”

  1. Madame Weebles October 5, 2012 at 3:13 PM #

    You forgot the Axe Body Spray.

  2. becca3416 October 5, 2012 at 3:39 PM #

    I would have voted he put on some long johns. Everyone knows real men fight in cozy winter underwear. Or red headed girls named Becca.

    • Christopher De Voss October 5, 2012 at 10:55 PM #

      I live in Florida, so that never occurred to me. 🙂 (It’s a little hot!)

      • becca3416 October 7, 2012 at 2:45 PM #

        Christopher (can I can you Chris… it seems more natural), I live in deep south Louisiana. Hot is an understatement. I have no idea why I feel the need to own or wear long johns but they are my uniform when I am home.

      • Christopher De Voss October 7, 2012 at 9:17 PM #

        Chris is fine. Weird! It’s way too hot!

  3. kizzylee October 5, 2012 at 3:40 PM #

    love it now spray with brut 33 and bob is your uncle as they say 🙂 well they do round here 🙂 honest 🙂 xx

    • Christopher De Voss October 6, 2012 at 7:49 AM #

      Which is weird because I have an Uncle Bob who lives in California….

  4. Jen and Tonic October 5, 2012 at 3:48 PM #

    You can put military-grade weaponry on a unicorn, but it’s still a unicorn.

  5. Bumba October 5, 2012 at 4:12 PM #

    Nice to see you horsing around.

    • La La October 5, 2012 at 8:27 PM #

      Clever.

      • Bumba October 5, 2012 at 9:55 PM #

        Too many puns on that one. The mane thing is not to be a neigh sayer. Sorry.

    • Christopher De Voss October 5, 2012 at 10:55 PM #

      You got the point then.

  6. RFL October 5, 2012 at 4:31 PM #

    Toughest unicorn ever!

  7. David Stewart October 5, 2012 at 8:53 PM #

    Now there’s a unicorn I can get behind (at least definitely not in front of)

    • Christopher De Voss October 5, 2012 at 10:59 PM #

      I have an army of them in my backyard, all wearing pink rain boots.

  8. The Bumble Files October 5, 2012 at 10:00 PM #

    He’s a winner!

  9. Christopher De Voss October 5, 2012 at 10:58 PM #

    Yay sports!

  10. workspousestory October 7, 2012 at 5:11 PM #

    Off topic, but I would let Prince take me anywhere. And would *happily* ride his unicorn.

    Ahem…

    • Christopher De Voss October 7, 2012 at 9:16 PM #

      Wearing only a raspberry beret?

      • aliceatwonderland October 8, 2012 at 12:19 AM #

        The kind you buy at a second hand store.

      • Christopher De Voss October 8, 2012 at 12:47 AM #

        If it was hot she wouldn’t wear much more!

      • aliceatwonderland October 8, 2012 at 12:53 AM #

        I think I loooooooove her.

      • workspousestory October 8, 2012 at 3:41 AM #

        Wearing anything, or nothing. But knowing Prince he would have a fur gillet or a boa or whatever on, anyway.

  11. aliceatwonderland October 8, 2012 at 12:20 AM #

    I like your badass unicorn. There need to be more badass unicorns out there. I would watch a Terminator / Unicorn movie. That would rock.

  12. Jillian October 22, 2012 at 6:10 PM #

    Best dang unicorn ever. I take back the earlier kid comment – kids are great! 😉

    • Christopher De Voss October 22, 2012 at 6:19 PM #

      Ha ha. Kick-ass unicorn…sort of…right?

      • Jillian October 22, 2012 at 6:21 PM #

        Exactly. Especially the sideways hat – way better than the helm 😉

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