Warning: Reading This May Give You Mental Images Of Me Sitting On The Toilet

22 Aug

You have been warned.

(Fresh Pressed here I come!)

We live in a two story house.

The Toddler (with gourmet lunch of pizza rolls and pineapple juice -Father of the Year award expected in the mail any day)

Is afraid to be

upstairs by herself


downstairs by herself.

She also doesn’t like to use

the bathroom by herself.


The Toddler trained Kansas the PeePee dog to follow her into the bathroom every time she has to use it.

Kansas the PeePee dog looking all cute on a Pillow Pet and dreaming of new places to pee in the house.

That’s great for the Toddler, who loves dogs. Not so great for Daddy, who doesn’t have the same love affair with dogs.

Kansas the PeePee dog does love Daddy though and when I need to go to the bathroom now…the damn thing sits outside the door and whines.

And barks.

And whines.

And headbutts the door.

And whines some more.

Until I reluctantly let it into the bathroom so I can finish my business in peace.

Sort of.

It’s kind of hard to make a peaceful movement with the furball just staring at me.

Kansas the PeePee dog intently watching me as I sit on the potty. Noticed the possessed eyes. She is really getting into this. I don’t know what that yellow thing is…some dog chew toy. I won’t touch it.

Kansas the PeePee dog getting bored as I am taking to long. But I need to catch up on my Facebook. Side Note: The yellow thing is really gross.

The end?


30 Responses to “Warning: Reading This May Give You Mental Images Of Me Sitting On The Toilet”

  1. Fish Out of Water August 22, 2012 at 3:29 PM #

    I just had a friend come visit. She brought her dog and her dog did the same thing. It’s a mass dog conspiracy! I just can’t figure out what they are getting out of it.

  2. Christopher De Voss August 22, 2012 at 3:33 PM #

    I know. I’m in the stall next to you.

    You may want to spray some Febreeze.

  3. Christopher De Voss August 22, 2012 at 3:34 PM #

    Yes! I actually forgot I have London above my door.

  4. RFL August 22, 2012 at 3:47 PM #

    I’m disturbed that in spite of your warning, I clicked this post right away to read about you on the toilet. My dog has to come the potty too. Funny post! And now I kind of want some pizza rolls.

  5. Madame Weebles August 22, 2012 at 4:05 PM #

    Two of my three cats enjoy accompanying me to the bathroom. I don’t mind so much unless they try to sit on my lap.

    • Christopher De Voss August 22, 2012 at 4:08 PM #

      Then there would be no room for me. Dumb cats!

      • Madame Weebles August 22, 2012 at 4:09 PM #

        You want to sit on my lap while I’m on the toilet???

      • Christopher De Voss August 22, 2012 at 4:16 PM #

        I didn’t say that.

        And I want you to read me a story too.

      • Madame Weebles August 22, 2012 at 4:25 PM #

        Well okay, but don’t expect me to act out all the parts.

      • Christopher De Voss August 22, 2012 at 4:27 PM #


  6. Bumba August 22, 2012 at 6:50 PM #

    I’m ashamed to say I liked this post a lot.

  7. Casey August 23, 2012 at 12:23 AM #

    Great Pics to go with a great story!

  8. christine August 23, 2012 at 12:54 AM #

    my “toddler” does the same thing!! and,she won’t flush,either!!! I may not have the dog issue,but, I’m willing to bet she’ll end up training the baby to go in with her!

  9. christine August 23, 2012 at 12:55 AM #

    p.s….they are now called “Kindergarteners” I believe

  10. Carr Party of Five August 23, 2012 at 7:48 AM #

    Dear Chris,
    This is the AWESOME!! My cheeks hurt from smiling. I love all of it. The story, the pictures….the yellow thing.
    It looks disgusting.
    So well done buddy!!!!

    • Christopher De Voss August 23, 2012 at 9:01 AM #

      Thank you as always. (Thank you for my winky…wow, that sounds kind of dirty.)

      • Carr Party of Five August 24, 2012 at 5:28 PM #

        Dear Chris,
        You are so welcome for that winky.
        Dirty as hell.
        Love, lis

  11. Rhonda August 23, 2012 at 1:33 PM #

    When you get a second..please join me and 6 friends on my porch.
    If you could stand to cough up 7 things….please please please?

    • Christopher De Voss August 24, 2012 at 12:19 AM #

      I’ll see what I can do. Thank you!

      • Rhonda August 24, 2012 at 7:49 AM #

        I hope you can and you are welcome.

  12. Kathy V. August 25, 2012 at 7:19 PM #

    You really should be Freshly Pressed for this. Maybe they need a new category for poop-related posts: Freshly Pooped. That would be awesome. Anyway, yeah, you made me laugh. A lot. Thank you.

    • Christopher De Voss August 26, 2012 at 12:50 AM #

      If I get freshly pressed the world would end…so we can’t let it happen! Although I wouldn’t mind being freshly pooped. I hope no one reads that out of context.

  13. The Bumble Files August 28, 2012 at 2:29 PM #

    Why wasn’t this Freshly Pressed for heaven’s sake? The Kansas is quite a delight. Isn’t the bathroom always a big pain in the ass. I know, I have kids. Very funny…..

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