A Campaign Flyer

27 Jul

When you live in a state that is overrun by Zombies, during an election year, the campaigns for President of the United States kind of take a different approach when it comes to Florida.

And we are truly unique since we are the only state to be 100% occupied by a zombie infestation. Oh, sure the lower half of Georgia has zombies as well as parts of Utah, North and South Dakota, and the upper half of California…but nobody has it as bad as Florida.

I just want to share a flyer I found on my door after work.

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What has our current leader done for Florida since it has been overrun by Zombies?

Nothing.

Last year during a dinner conversation at a gay unfriendly Chick-fil-a, while eating a grilled chicken sandwich, extra pickle, Obama was quoted* as saying,

“Florida is overrun by zombies. It was originally overrun during George W. Bush’s administration. He should have stopped the infestation when it first happened, but he didn’t. He just sat there with a goofy look on his face. Now I’m left to clean up that mess. I say we just nuke the whole state and be done with it. Besides Florida has no good sports teams.”

(*This quote can not be confirmed.)

Mitt Romney has a plan* for Florida.

1) Relocate Disney World

2) Seal off the borders of Florida

3) Sell Zombie hunting licences to people and allow them to kill up to 10 zombies a day

Sounds good right?

No. The people of Florida will not be allowed to leave the state for fear of contaminating the rest of the country and will just be considered collateral damage if “accidentally” shot by a zombie hunter.

(*This plan can not confirmed by Romney’s office.)

The people of Florida deserve more.

The people of Florida deserve better.

The people of Florida deserve write-in candidate….

Albert Swartzman

Swartzman has vowed to protect Florida and it’s living residences.

Swartzman plans to increase the Zombie Patrol Units and offer pay incentives for those who join.

Swartzman plans on cutting taxes for the living and raising taxes for the dead.

Swartzman is tough on Zombie crime.

Swartzman hates, hates, hates zombies…we can not say that for sure about Obama or Romney.

The choice is clear this November.

Vote write in candidate Albert Swartzman, the clear choice in protecting Florida from the Zombies!

(This flyer was approved by Albert Swartzman and distributed by the Albert Swartzman ridiculous campaign for President)

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9 Responses to “A Campaign Flyer”

  1. La La July 27, 2012 at 3:28 PM #

    You also have a lot of old people. Just saying.

    • Christopher De Voss July 27, 2012 at 3:45 PM #

      Well it’s funny you mention that, it’s one of the reasons we are so infested…that and the weather. The old people could not fight off the zombies as well.

  2. Dotty Headbanger July 27, 2012 at 6:03 PM #

    Dear Chris,

    Do you have zombie alligators?

    Love Dotty xxx

    • Christopher De Voss July 28, 2012 at 8:50 AM #

      No, only mammals can be turned into zombies. But alligators don’t like how they taste, so they are no help in keep the Zombie numbers down.

  3. Fish Out of Water July 27, 2012 at 7:55 PM #

    As a resident of Florida I approve this message.

  4. Madame Weebles July 27, 2012 at 8:17 PM #

    My parents live in Florida now. I’ll make sure they vote for him, assuming their brains haven’t been eaten by then.

    • Christopher De Voss July 28, 2012 at 8:45 AM #

      You better call them to be sure. That’s one of the problems in Florida. Not enough Zombie Patrols to protect everyone.

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