Jonathon “Jasper” Johns Guest Post Issue #4

14 Jun

Due to some family matters, my neighbor and biggest critic, Jonathon “Jasper” Johns has volunteered to guest write for me this week. I have given him free reign to write whatever he likes…god help us all.

My Favorite Insults

by Jonathon “Jasper” Johns

Boy, this has been hard. Writing this stuff everyday is really, really hard. It does make me appreciate the blogging comunity a little bit more, except for Christopher De Voss. Last night I opened up the little WordPress application and that little blinky line on that blank page just kept blinking and blinking at me. No words came out of my head. So today I decided to share some of my favorite insults. These are mostly about Christopher De Voss. I think you will find them pretty sweet.

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Christopher De Voss is about as handy as a wolverine making sweet tea.

If you gave Christopher De Voss a hammer and a nail, odds are that the damn fool would nail his hand to the wall.

If I had a nickel for every time Baylee-Ann clogged the toilet, I would have so many nickels, I could build a nickel fort.

Christopher De Voss sweats more than a pig in a ballerina costume. Especially on Thursdays.

Whenever Baylee-Ann snores too loud, I just read Christopher De Voss’ little word thingy here, and I fall asleep. It’s better than Ambien. Both give you diarrhea though.

If Christopher De Voss traveled back in time, and after some people meet him, they would be disappointed that the human race went backwards on the evolutionary scale.

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