Jonathon “Jasper” Johns Guest Post Issue #3

Due to some family matters, my neighbor and biggest critic, Jonathon “Jasper” Johns has volunteered to guest write for me this week. I have given him free reign to write whatever he likes…god help us all.

 A Poem

by Jonathon “Jasper” Johns

Ok, I’m going to admit that maybe doing this everyday is kind of hard. A real man can admit that, and I am a real man. So I called up Chris and I asked his advice of what to post next. That was a complete waste of time. The idiot suggested I write a poem. A poem? Really? Real men don’t write poems. Real men don’t read poems either. Chris then said real men do write poems and read poems, and if I want an example, check out some British guy named; Kyle Mew. Well, that was dumb advice too. That guy writes really smutty poems. Who wants to read that? Lonely house wives? I showed Baylee-Ann this Kyle character as well, thinking she would think the same, but instead she has been holed up in the bathroom with the laptop and what I think is her travel toothbrush holder for the last three days. (I also think she put bees in her toothbrush holder because I hear a weird buzzing noises coming from the bathroom.) So after racking my brains all day just to come up with something to write, I decided to compose a poem.

I dedicate this to my wife, Baylee-Ann and her weird bee filled travel toothbrush holder.

I hope you all find it sexy.

You bathe like a gorilla
Brush your teeth like a serial killer
Hold court for the neighbor’s in your underwear
You may be very smelly
And your beer belly has a beer belly
And you make a Proboscis monkey stop and stare
But you’re mine

All mine

And I want to cry
You may only have three fourths of one leg
One arm is replaced by a wooden peg
You may only be twenty, but you look like you’re eighty
Your eyes are criss-crossed
Your boobs are like dental floss
And your eyebrows keep your nose shady
But you’re mine
All mine
And I want to cry