Due to some family matters, my neighbor and biggest critic, Jonathon “Jasper” Johns has volunteered to guest write for me this week. I have given him free reign to write whatever he likes…god help us all.
A Poem
by Jonathon “Jasper” Johns
Ok, I’m going to admit that maybe doing this everyday is kind of hard. A real man can admit that, and I am a real man. So I called up Chris and I asked his advice of what to post next. That was a complete waste of time. The idiot suggested I write a poem. A poem? Really? Real men don’t write poems. Real men don’t read poems either. Chris then said real men do write poems and read poems, and if I want an example, check out some British guy named; Kyle Mew. Well, that was dumb advice too. That guy writes really smutty poems. Who wants to read that? Lonely house wives? I showed Baylee-Ann this Kyle character as well, thinking she would think the same, but instead she has been holed up in the bathroom with the laptop and what I think is her travel toothbrush holder for the last three days. (I also think she put bees in her toothbrush holder because I hear a weird buzzing noises coming from the bathroom.) So after racking my brains all day just to come up with something to write, I decided to compose a poem.
I dedicate this to my wife, Baylee-Ann and her weird bee filled travel toothbrush holder.
I hope you all find it sexy.
You bathe like a gorillaBrush your teeth like a serial killer
Hold court for the neighbor’s in your underwear
You may be very smelly
And your beer belly has a beer belly
And you make a Proboscis monkey stop and stare
But you’re mine All mine And I want to cry
You may only have three fourths of one leg
One arm is replaced by a wooden peg
You may only be twenty, but you look like you’re eighty
Your eyes are criss-crossed
Your boobs are like dental floss
And your eyebrows keep your nose shady
But you’re mine
All mine
And I want to cry
Dear Jasper,
Genius.
Love Dotty xxx
Thank you. Baylee really likes your blog as well.
Thank you. smiley face, winky face.
(I don’t know how to make them.)