Jonathon “Jasper” Johns Guest Post Issue #1

11 Jun

Due to some family matters, my neighbor and biggest critic, Jonathon “Jasper” Johns has volunteered to guest write for me this week. I have given him free reign to write whatever he likes…god help us all.

Allow Me To Introduce Myself

by Jonathon “Jasper” Johns

Hello! I will be your host, or grand bloggerer, or blog master, or whatever you people call it, for the next week while Chris is out. So be prepared to have your socks painted on. You people are in for a real treat. You may even want me to take over. I’m perfectly fine with that. It’s about time this little corner of the interweb got some real genius in it.

But to be totally honest and fair, I didn’t quite know what I wanted to do for my first post. My second, third, fourth, and fifth posts are already done! Cash money in the bank! But this first post, I wasn’t quite so sure. I know it can’t be that hard. All Chris does is make pictures talk to each other, or talk about boobs, make up fake TV schedules, and/or what’s even worse, write those god awful zombie stories. I wish he would run those by me first. I have seen Night of The Living Dead 67 times. If George Romero is the father of zombies, I am his illegitimate love child, and De Voss is merely his gerbil.

New profile picture for Christopher De Voss.

So what I decided, after Chris suggested it, was to introduced myself.

Hi.

My name is Jonathon “Jasper” Johns. I live in Orlando. I am married to former Playboy Bunny (1959-1963 originally featured at the Playboy Club in Chicago), Baylee-Ann Johns. Contrary to popular belief, I am not Chris’ direct neighbor. I actually live 3 houses down. I currently own a Freeze Dried Foods store called the Freezy Pleasy.

Why freeze dried foods you ask? Well, living in Florida, we get a lot of hurricanes and freeze dried food does not spoil. Hello, bingo! Plus you can use them for hiking, camping, and going into outer space. Don’t snicker, one day we will all be able to go to outer space. Virgin Galactic is a company that is working on giving regular people rides into the final frontier. Right now only movie stars like Ashton Kutcher can afford it, but the price will drop eventually. Then me and Baylee-Ann are going to Mars! I have been reading about it in the Freeze Dried Foods newsletter. You probably don’t get that, you have to be invited to get on their email list. I invited myself.

I hope to get a window seat!

Ashton Kutcher and I are going to play Uno on the way to Mars.

I also enjoy raising pure breed Affenpinschers, because they look like ewoks.

Affenpinschers

Ewoks

That’s about all I got for today. My brain hurts from all this writing. I don’t know how you people can do this everyday. See ya tomorrow.

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3 Responses to “Jonathon “Jasper” Johns Guest Post Issue #1”

  1. Dotty Headbanger June 11, 2012 at 3:17 PM #

    Dear Mr Johns,

    May I call you Jasper? You’ve done a fine job to say this is your first post. Your Ewoks are lovely.

    Love Dotty xxx

    • Christopher De Voss June 11, 2012 at 4:07 PM #

      Thank you and thank you. Sorry you have to look at De Voss’ ugly mug instead of my manly man face, but it is his web page thingy. You may call me anything you like, just don’t call me Snookums Bear because Baylee calls me that, and she gets jealous.

  2. Christopher De Voss June 12, 2012 at 4:03 PM #

    You can, but you will make Baylee jealous by your romantic gestures. By the way that is De Voss’ picture, not mine. I’m not that ugly.

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