Me Vs. The Doll

5 Jun

The Toddler has these dolls that she constantly needs help dressing and undressing.

First off, these dolls are kind of scary.

They are based on old 1950’s horror monsters like Dracula, The Mummy, A Zombie, and Donald Trump…but they are suppose to be High School Teens.

This one’s name is Draculaura.

She needs help with the clothes because…

The doll is manufactured by Satan himself.

Evidence #1: They are based on horror creatures that use to give me nightmares as a kid. Every Saturday night we would sneak downstairs after the parents went to bed and watch the Late, Late, Horror Movie Double Feature on Channel 10. They featured all the classic 1950’s monsters.

And they scared us. Now, they are a toddler’s toy.

How times have changed.

I guess there are scarier things in the world today.

Evidence #2: Really small sleeves, really big hands, and fingers spread far apart.

I submit Exhibit B, in support of the small sleeves, big hands, spread fingers claim.

It takes nearly a better part of the day to try to remove the shirt of this doll…pretty much like trying to remove the shirt of a real woman.

Halfway there after 5 hours of struggling.

6 beers bought for the doll and 5 more hours later, I finally have her shirt off to reveal that she is a B cup.

Now unbeknownst to me, the Toddler doesn’t actually have a change of clothes for the doll. The doll apparently only owns one shirt.

So guess what?

THE TODDLER WANTS THE DAMN SHIRT BACK ON!

I just spent 10 hours getting the shirt off!

But  in my frustration and rage, while trying to get the shirt back on, something happened.

The hand popped off.

That’s right folks, just pop those hands right off.  The shirt no problem now. I can now put it on and take it off easily, quickly, and stress free.

Hands free!

Take that Satan’s doll maker!

Doll 2

Dad 1

Hey! That’s from my private collection! Who put that in here?

“You didn’t tell there was a party going on in here!”
“There is always room for you chick with odd colored skin”
“You look uncomfortable. Pop off those hands so we can take that dress off.”

[Just crossed the line enough….to not get Freshly Pressed. 😉 ]

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14 Responses to “Me Vs. The Doll”

  1. Dotty Headbanger June 5, 2012 at 4:00 PM #

    Dear Chris,

    Christ, those dolls are horrible. Give her the brick.

    Love Dotty xxx

  2. paulaacton June 5, 2012 at 4:44 PM #

    My daughter had those Bratz dolls they are similar alien sized heads and instead of changing shoes you pull their feet off and change the whole foot..freaky

    • Christopher De Voss June 6, 2012 at 8:46 AM #

      We had those too. Those dolls think they are better than any other doll. They are kind of stuck up.

  3. Maggie O'C June 5, 2012 at 6:35 PM #

    We were a non-Bratz house. This is outstanding and proof that to get really funny stuff Freshly Pressed you have to pay someone like Simon does.

    • Christopher De Voss June 5, 2012 at 10:32 PM #

      I don’t know who Simon is, but truth be told, I don’t care if I get freshly pressed. I just care that I like it.

      • Maggie O'C June 6, 2012 at 9:39 AM #

        Simon? Sweet and Weak? Good stuff.

        I applaud your very mature attitude toward public recognition. I’m totally like that, too. Toh Tah Lee like that. No I’m not the attention whore that everyone thinks I am. Freshly Pressed? Schmeshly Pressed. I’m totally cool just pleasing myself, so to speak. 🙂

      • Christopher De Voss June 6, 2012 at 6:23 PM #

        That’s hot. 😉

  4. RFL June 6, 2012 at 8:33 PM #

    Not sure how I missed this yesterday but this is frickin funny!

  5. Christopher De Voss June 7, 2012 at 9:51 AM #

    From now on your the official doll guru at my house. Luckily only one still plays with dolls, the other is starting her teenage boy band phase. *sigh* When you come to Florida, stop by Orlando to redress all the dolls. I will supply the wine.

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    […] Christopher DeVoss – DeVery funny. Here’s his blog on Bratz which are the devil’s spawn. […]

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