My Abandoned Novels

1 Jun

Some books I have been attempted to write, but haven’t quite finished…or even started…for one reason or another.

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Title: Born Without Nipples

Synopsis: A period piece novel set in 1825. Nancy Tredwell was a farmer’s daughter who seemed normal like any other farmer’s daughter…except Nancy was born without nipples. The novel chronicles her journey to the big city where she meets John Peter Mettauer, a young intern bent on becoming the first ever plastic surgeon. Mettauer’s secret motives are to earn enough money to buy a Model T Sportster 48,  but instead winds up falling in love with Nancy. He starts a romantic courtship with her all the while trying to find a solution to her nipplessness. Mettauer eventually tries a radical surgery and implants metal nipples into her breasts. Nancy now has a  new chance on living a normal life. She quickly forgets about Mettauer’s love and falls victim to the seedy life of a big city in 1825. She eventually dies in a magnetic accident. Mettauer spends the rest of the novel broken-hearted until her meets a man with no balls.

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Title: The Snatches And Other Stories – What If Dr Seuss Wrote Erotic Fiction

Excerpt:

Linda McGruff McGrover McGrew
Like to have sex with any sort of Buffalo Balloo
She liked it in this hole and she liked it in that
She even liked to have sex with the Cat In The Hat
 
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I also thought I would try to edge my way into the Dummies market. You know the books:
 
Windows For Dummies
Gardening For Dummies
TV Remotes For Dummies
 
Except my series would be called: Made Sexy. 
 
For example:
 
Plumbing Made Sexy
Programming Phone Apps Made Sexy
Sugar Cane Farming Made Sexy
 
 
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3 Responses to “My Abandoned Novels”

  1. The Hobbler June 1, 2012 at 6:55 PM #

    Great ideas! I think the Dr Suess thing has been done before though. Something about wet and dry petting…

  2. Christopher De Voss June 1, 2012 at 11:08 PM #

    I do…bring nachos.

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