Numb

22 May

Goooood morning Kissimmee, Florida…and by everyone I mean me! I’m your DJ with the most, Donnie D. The one, the only…and I’m not lying when I say this because the rest of you are dead.

Gone, bye bye, adios, Sayonara…see ya!

I’m broadcasting on 10,000 watts of pure boredom and waste of time from beautiful, historic, downtown Kissimmee’s Z100 rock station. I’m sure you, dear listener don’t give a rat’s ass….because everyone in the sound of my voice is dead. Yes, I know…I have mentioned this little fact before, but hey….what do I care?

You’re all dead!

If any of you, by some weird chance are not dead, you are probably dying and not listening to me ramble on about nothing anyway. But in the off chance you are not dead or dying, you can find me right on Main street…just look for the building with the big call letters on it: Z100.

Z100 is Kissimmee’s Rock and Roll headquarters! And I am Kissimmee’s new rock god!

Folks in just a few short minutes I will be playing Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb, a favorite and by the way,  how I start every radio broadcast…hell it’s how I start every morning since the big tragedy. I was never much of a pot head before all this, but let me tell ya…being all alone sucks! A little wake and bake helps ease that transition from wandering through nightmare infested dreams to wandering through the streets of Kissimmee for the billionth time…all by myself. And since my bud John is no longer around, I don’t think he will mind if I take his stash of sweet, sweet, Calgon take me away, marijuana.

Hey, remember folks, it’s just  little ol’ me here.

I’m begging anyone…if you can hear me….for the love of God…find me. Listen it’s a well known fact…according to every disaster movie ever made, you always start of with just that one guy…which currently is me…did I mention that? Anyway you just focus on him for like the first 20/30 minutes of the film…then eventually he hooks up with a group of rag-tag survivors consisting of a hot chick, an old dude, a black guy with a pregnant wife…and a stray dog.

So where is my hot chick? Where is my stray dog?

It’s been longer than 20/30 minutes!

I promise I’m not just going to cry for 3 hours like I did yesterday. That was riveting radio I’m sure…

Shut up…

Don’t judge!

Well, you can’t judge. You’re dead.

Let’s take a quick look at the traffic shall we…let’s see…the streets are crowded with the cars you died in…very inconsiderate…you can hardly get a scooter through that mess. Plus it’s all  creepy and scary looking, like out of a B rated horror film, with all your dead arms hanging out the windows, and your dead faces just staring at the sun.

In the weather, it’s going to be hot. It is Florida after all. And this brings a major problem, because all you inconsiderate bastards that died are now stinking up the place. Maybe I should do something about burying you all, or burning you all…but I don’t have the motivation. My arm over my nose will have to do for now.

Well, enough about that…let’s go to the phones. Any requests? And remember I refuse to play R.E.M’s It’s the end of the world, and I feel fine…it’s too easy.

What?

No phone calls?

The phone lines are dead…just like you….

Tee Hee.

Well I was going to play Comfortably Numb anyway, I almost forgot…but before I do that, I would like to tell a Knock, Knock joke.

Ready?

Knock, Knock…who’s there? No one. You’re all dead.

Ha!

You know what? I’m tired, I think you can hear it in the sound of my voice…so today I think I will put Pink Floyd’s wonderful masterpiece, Comfortably Numb on an endless loop while I’ll take a nap.

Just a quick, little known fact about the band Pink Floyd first…they are all dead.

This is Donnie D. your DJ with the most saying…help me, find me….anyone?

Please…

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5 Responses to “Numb”

  1. Maggie O'C May 22, 2012 at 3:44 PM #

    yer weird. hahaha

    • chrisdevoss May 22, 2012 at 3:49 PM #

      Wait until tomorrow’s post…

      • chrisdevoss May 23, 2012 at 7:46 AM #

        don’t be, even I’m embarrassed about tomorrow’s post.

  2. Bumba May 23, 2012 at 1:43 AM #

    Hang in there. Maybe the stray dog will show up.

    • chrisdevoss May 23, 2012 at 7:47 AM #

      I hope so…for the main character’s sake.

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